A Lost Future
by girl-on-sunshine
Summary: I left her and when I returned, I found a woman -Edward. What was I going to do with my future when all I could think of was him? -Bella. Both POV's, set around New Moon, alternative ending. Edward returns by himself. They go surprise the Cullens.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This probably isn't a one-shot, I'll decide if i'm going to keep writing based on reviews - so tell me what you think. Disclaimer to Stephanie Meyer.

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**A Lost Futures **

When Edward left in New Moon, he had a reason – Bella's future, her safety. In this story Alice never sees Bella jump off that cliff and Edward doesn't come back for years. In this story see it from Edward's POV and Bella's as they see each other for the first time again.

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**Edward's POV**

She was nineteen now. An adult, a woman. Not the girl I left behind. Maybe things were different. Maybe she'd found love. Surely she couldn't have spent the nearly two years it had been since I left, alone. She was too beautiful, too smart, too observant, too perfect. It was her flaws that made her perfect, the way her bottom lip was slightly fuller than the top, the endearing habit she had of biting that lip, the way her heart would race when I touched that lip...

I hadn't even begun to get over her, if anything I was more obsessed with her now than ever.

She was my drug, I would drink in her presence until I was addicted and then I'd punish myself for it by leaving. I didn't – could never – deserve to be in her company. How could I make so many assumptions now, deciding to come back? How dare I let myself come after everything back to the very place I had left her?

I had run for days, finally ending up here, in the forest I deserted her in. I was a coward, too scared to completely let her go and too scared to stay with her. What could she possibly see in me?

Well, after all this time she's probably realised how awful a person I am, how I lack _humanity_...

Nineteen months and twenty-eight days of pure hell, torture, agony but nothing compared to what I would feel if I'd killed her, If Jasper had killed her...The visions of that night always haunted me, whispering of what could have happened, what would happen if I didn't do something...

Bella was so close now... I could _hear_ her heart beating.

I'd have to go see her, even if she didn't see me; I had to know how she was now, what she was doing... How she'd changed in my absence. These were the years she'd change the most, physically and mentally, Carlisle had worried he'd changed me too soon at seventeen. But Bella wasn't going to be Bella the clumsy young girl who blushed almost permanently and was very unaware of herself and her beauty. I had to keep telling myself that if I wanted to have any chance at keeping my self-control when I saw her.

Bella, my love, I had to talk to her...

I couldn't just come without saying anything to her, what if I left it longer and she really did forget me? Of course that would be the best option but the thought still stung deep in my cold heart.

What would I say to her? What if she was upset at me?

I had to try though, if she was happy I would just say 'have a nice life, Bella, best wishes' and leave without letting on that I still loved her but if she wasn't... I didn't dare contemplate that. To think that she might still want me was too wishful. I needed to be realistic. I needed to walk over to her house and make her aware of my presence. Then I would see if she was happy or... not and decide what to do. Maybe she would be in her room and I could talk to her without Charlie knowing or maybe she was cooking in the kitchen and I'd knock on the door and she'd open it, hair dishevelled and smelling of delicious (to humans, but I had absolute faith that they were delicious) foods...

No. I couldn't let myself think like that. If she was happy I had to let her go, again.

I just had to talk to her first; find out what she had been doing, what she wanted to be in the future, If she was happy. Then I'd have to detach myself again and hopefully not inflict more pain on her. But it might already be too late once she sees me... I had no idea how she'd coped after I left.

My thoughts were interrupted by a soft, musical laugh. Bella's laugh. It drifted through the woods as if carried to me by a magical force. Her beautiful, rich laugh that I loved so much, like rolling bells.

She was happy. It hit me like the blow of a tree falling on my stomach. Pinning me there enchanted and leaving me for dead.

"Bella..." I whispered to myself and stood there motionless.

Bella was happy. She didn't need me the way I needed her.

**Bella's POV**

I sat in the semi-darkness of my room; the sun was just about to sink under the horizon. The lamp was on beside my bed and I sat there, incredibly sad and alone. Not a day had gone past when I hadn't missed him, missed them all. I still dreamed of him, his golden, topaz eyes. His bronze hair, perpetually messy but beautiful, so easy to pick out in a crowd. Which I had tried to do in every crowd I'd been in since that day. But I hadn't once seen him.

I pulled the notebook out of my desk drawer; I had scribbled thoughts, letters, notes about him, in it for a while now. Jake had said it would be helpful to tell someone about it, I had disagreed and ended the argument but he had given me the notebook the next day.

I opened up to a new page and begun to write,

_Edward,_

_When will I be over you? Because this is too much to take for the rest of my life. I don't know what I'll do with my life when every thought I have is of you. When I think of my future, I don't see a career, I see myself searching the globe, looking for you. _

_Have you changed at all since you left? Have you missed me? _

_Where are you? _

_I haven't changed at all, I'm still plain and clumsy – I can see why you left. I remember Rosalie's supermodel body, so compared to mine, why would you stay? _

_Mike is still as persistent as ever, like that would change, but other than that and Jake, nobody else is after me. Not that I would care really, you were the only guy I ever bothered with. _

Tears leaked out of my eyes and stained the page, but I continued the twisted letter to him,

_I see why you left me, why you didn't love me, but you broke your promise! You said it would be as if you never existed but it's not. _

_Couldn't this be any easier?_

_Because now I have to go downstairs, fake smiles at Charlie while I make dinner, hide the truth from Jacob and let the world pretend you never existed. But I know you did, I remember you._

With that I closed the notebook and went to make Charlie dinner.

I searched the fridge, finding the ingredients I needed and starting to cook things slowly over the stove.

The phone rang and I picked it up on the second ring,

"Hello?"

"Hey Bells!"Jake greeted enthusiastically.

"Hi Jake, what's up?" I asked while stirring the pot that was currently on the stove.

"The guys are having a lunch at Emily's next week; Quil and Embry are forcing me to invite you, you know how they get jealous of the alone time we have without them." He said happily.

"Really? They still have that, uh, crush thing going on?" I asked.

"Yeah, duh, Bella, who wouldn't? You're gorgeous." He said laughing.

I laughed too, perhaps a bit too loudly for the joke but it was an uncomfortable subject between us, he had had a crush on me after all.

"So, I don't know the details yet, but I'll ask Sam tomorrow and tell you then. If you want to come that is..." he trailed off, jokingly, as if I had a choice.

"What you mean is, if I don't want to come then you'll come here and drag me back to Emily's?" I teased.

"Exactly. So, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see you, Jake." I said sadly, already missing his voice.

"Bye Bells! Be happy!" He said before hanging up.

I sighed and went back to the food, watching it simmer for a minute and then chopping up the vegetables.

When it was ready I called Charlie and we sat at the table, eating quietly.

"So, that was Jacob?" He asked after a moment.

"Yeah, his friend's are having this lunch thing and he invited me..." I said, twirling my fork around and biting my lip.

"Oh, that's good. You guys get along well. I like Jake." He stated and went back to eating.

_Yes, you like Jacob unlike Edward, who you had never been fond of but now despised_.

Another constant reminder of how little people knew about the pain I was in.

**Edward's POV **

She was happy; she didn't need to see me.

But I needed to see her. If she was happy, it wouldn't hurt her if I came by to say have a nice life.

Would it?

This was so confusing, I had never been so unsure of myself, at least my family wasn't here to see me or they'd be laughing at my uncertainty.

I had to do this, for Alice, for Esme and Carlisle. For myself. I knew that they all missed her, how much it hurt Alice to lose her best friend. I had caught Esme and Carlisle's thoughts – it was like losing a daughter to them and they constantly worried about her. If I could tell them how she was it might give them closure.

I took a few deep, unnecessary breaths out of habit and walked towards the house.

From Charlie's thoughts, they were having dinner. I had no right to interrupt their happy, family dinner.

I had no right to interrupt her life but I had to.

Still, I could wait for her to finish dinner. I listened to Charlie's thoughts – food, baseball, the Black's, gossiping to Billy about Jacob and Bella – wait. Jacob and Bella...? He was thinking of how close they were. So she had moved on... But they weren't together. Billy had told him Jacob wanted to be more than friends but Bella didn't want to. I instantly hated this Jacob.

Through Billy's thoughts I saw the food he was eating, that Bella had made. But he didn't look at Bella.

I waited through the torturous minutes, needing Bella more than she could ever need me.

Finally Charlie put the plates in the sink and told Bella he'd do the washing up. She went to her room.

Without even thinking I was by the side of the house, climbing the wall towards her window. I knew it was wrong to scare her like this, climbing in her window, but I couldn't help myself.

I listened for a moment as she sat down on the bed, picking up her book and flipping to the bookmarked page. Then I knocked softly on the window frame, pulling myself through the window and into her room.

Where I froze.

She was so beautiful... She was a woman now.

She appeared to be frozen too.

"Hello, Bella." I said quietly, regaining composure as I watched her.

She stood up, pulling her tank top straight self consciously and then froze again, meeting my eyes.

Finally, as more seconds passed she whispered, "Ed-edward?"

"Yes." I said, looking her over carefully.

Her hips had widened, her face had slimmed, her hair had been cut to shoulder length and was flowing around her face. Her chocolate brown eyes were the same, beautiful and intuitive. It was wrong and un-gentlemanly of me to notice but her chest had grown too. She looked so much older, she was an adult. She had graduated school without me. She was doing something in the world that I didn't know about. And I wanted to know.

She was standing there staring at me still, with this amazingly sad look in her eyes, this twisted grimace pulling up the corners of her mouth as if she was trying to smile or not to cry – I couldn't tell.

"You look the same." She said suddenly, to herself.

"And you look amazing and beautiful." I stated, giving her a half-smile.

She shook her head slightly, so she must still be unaware of her beauty.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you and barge in like this, I... Well, I didn't want to disturb Charlie too and..." I trailed off, wondering what exactly I was doing here. It was obviously hurting her.

She sounded small and unsure, "Um... It's okay... Did you, uh, want to come in?"

I nodded and stepped away from the window, standing beside her. She sat down on the bed and I copied her.

"So... How are you?" I asked, revelling in her proximity.

"I'm fine," she said defensively and I gathered she got asked this a lot now, "How are you?"

"I... Let's not go into that." I said quietly, she didn't need to know how much I was suffering, "What have you been doing?"

"I um... I go to college part time in Seattle and work at this book shop, I don't know. It's just a temporary thing, I guess." She said biting her lip.

"What are you studying?" I asked curiously.

"Classical literature." She stated, still self-conscious.

I smiled a little at that, "I should have known. What do you want to do after that?"

She kept staring at me, "I want to... I don't know... Sorry but I just have to do this, I'm not sure about this..." She poked my arm and I stared at her hand for a moment before meeting her eyes confused, she finished her sentence, "...being real."

She looked embarrassed and blushed, staring at her lap.

"Bella?" I asked, trying to get her to look up.

"I've just... I thought maybe I was um, imagining you. It's just..." She kept looking at her lap and whispered so quietly a human wouldn't have been able to hear, "I've just missed you so much."

"Oh, Bella." I whispered, gently moving her hair out of her face and putting a finger under her chin, forcing her to meet my gaze, "I love you."

She looked baffled, "But you left... You said..." She stopped, getting choked up.

"I know, I know," I cooed, "I lied. I'm so so sorry. I was trying to protect you from my kind. But I couldn't keep away, it hurt too much."

**Bella's POV**

I started at him shocked, part of me was furious with his stupid logic – as if it would ever work out well when I wasn't with him, but the greater part was so deeply in love with him it didn't care. It wanted me to throw my arms around him and forgive him.

"Really?" I asked uncertainly.

"I truly and forever will love you Isabella Swan." He murmured.

"Are you sure?" I asked blushing.

"Of course I am, you silly, beautiful woman." He said giving me his crooked grin.

"Okay." I whispered.

"So... what have you done these past 19 months?" He asked.

"I graduated school... I've been working to get an apartment in Seattle. I don't know what I'll do after that, I've been distracted..." I coughed, "But I could probably teach classical literature at a university or get another degree."

He listened with interest, following each word.

"What have you um... been up to?" I asked him.

"Nothing, really. I missed you." He stated.

"Oh." I said.

"So, who's Jacob?" He asked suddenly.

"What? How did you know about Jacob..?" I asked.

"Charlie's thoughts." He said smiling.

"Oh, Jake's just a friend. We were never... a thing. He's supported me and we're close..." I wasn't going to say 'he's a werewolf' just yet.

"What's his last name?" Edward asked intently, I could tell he was doing his normal worrying, over-protective thing again.

"Black... Jacob Black." I declared.

"What?" He said, trying to be quiet for Charlie's sake.

"Uh... that's his name?" I said confused.

"You're friends with a werewolf?" He said angrily.

"Um..." I started, wasn't this supposed to be a secret?

"Bella..." he sighed, "you are a danger magnet."

"True." I said, looking out the window.

We were silent for a few moments and I continued to look out the window, when suddenly he was pulling me into a hug, taking a deep breath, smelling my hair.

"I've missed you so very much." He said sincerely.

"Me too." I said putting my arms around his neck.

"You have to come see Alice too, she's missed you too. Esme and Carlisle were worried about you, too. They all missed you. They don't know I'm here... I haven't been with them for a while..." He said.

"What? Where have you been?" I asked shocked again, he left the Cullens?

"I was just... roaming around the world by myself. I didn't want them to see me like that." He looked out the window this time.

"Oh?" I asked.

"I was a mess. They didn't need that. I didn't do anything... I ran a lot, hunted when I was passing through woods, avoided people, swan around the ocean a bit too." He said still looking out the window.

I laughed a little at the mental image of Edward swimming in the middle of the ocean. He looked sheepish when he finally met my eyes.

"I understand." I finally said.

"When do you have time off college and work? We could fly up and surprise them. Only if you wanted, if you've moved on then that's fine, of course." He said sadly.

"No! I want to come. Um... I have time off this weekend." I said.

"Well, I should go before Charlie notices..." He said standing up.

"No, it's still early!" I pleaded.

"How about I wait in your truck and you can tell Charlie that you're going to visit me and we can go back to my old house, I need a change of clothes." He said hopefully.

Only then did I notice that his clothes were dirty, with small rips in them. Charlie wouldn't be happy but I didn't care. Edward was finally back! I felt like rejoicing and screaming and dancing and doing other uncharacteristic, dangerous things.

Which is why I stood up and leaned into him, kissing him passionately on tip-toes before he grabbed my waist and leant down to make it easier. I was dizzy when he pulled back giving me a huge crooked smile and letting me breathe.

"God, I've missed you..." He growled in my ear. When did he get this... sexy?

I walked over to the closet, pulling a sweater over my tank top and grabbing a pair of skinny jeans Alice had bought for me once that I'd never worn.

"Turn around or leave." I ordered him. He chuckled and turned to look out the window.

I pulled off my sweatpants and stepped into the jeans, deep in thought. I knew I should be cautious; this was Edward, a vampire, who craved my blood. But I could help but want to jump into his arms and stay there forever when I looked into his eyes, which were bright and full of love.

He walked over to me with a mischievous glint in his eye, standing right in front of me.

"You forgot something..." He whispered.

"What-" I began to ask but stopped when he reached out to the top of the jeans and did up the top button slowly, teasingly.

When he was done he grinned at me, "Go tell Charlie, I'll wait in the car."

I nodded, still reeling from the contact. When he jumped out the window I gasped, it had been a while since anyone had left the room like that. Then I smiled, _I had Edward back! _I practically skipped down the stairs, stopping on my way through the lounge room where Charlie was watching a game to tell him I was going out.

He looked at his watch, "Where are you going?"

"I'm meeting up with Edward, at his house..." I said grinning like a little kid at Christmas.

"Edward?" Charlie said gruffly.

"Yeah, you know, Edward Cullen? He's back in town for a while..." My voice was light, free.

"I know who Edward is; he's the boy who broke my baby's heart. I don't like this. Does he think he can just waltz back here and you'll forgive him? Who does he think he is?" Charlie rambled on.

_Well, he's beautiful, rich, intelligent, sparkly, amazing... I think he knows who he is. And yeah, he can just come back! That's what I've been wishing for, duh! _I was feeling very un-Bella-ish tonight.

"Come on Dad..." I mumbled as he continued,

"That boy isn't welcome here, after what he did to you... no. I won't have it. You stay here. He's just bad news. Aren't you happy with Jake? How can he just come back? The nerve!"

"Dad..." I tried.

He finally stopped after saying, "You can watch the game with me, he's not a good person, you should steer clear of him."

"I'm going to see him." I stated bravely.

"No." He ordered.

I took a deep breath, "Falling out of love is hard."

"Bella..."

"It's practically impossible..." I said, thinking of how his face would light up when he thought of Renee.

"Bella, no," He argued.

"I'm sorry Dad, but I have to go. I love him – it's that simple." I said grabbing my coat.

"Fine. Be back by ten." He said as I turned the door knob.

"Thanks." I said opening the door and leaving.

**Edward's POV**

_I screwed up... _

I was waiting in the car, listening to Charlie's thoughts as they argued. I had caused them to fight. But that wasn't how I screwed up, I was seeing Charlie go through a mental slideshow of all the times he'd woken up to Bella's screaming, finding her in the forest, seen her struggle, seen her cry.

I sighed, no wonder he didn't want her leaving.

Bella slid into her seat grinning, as she started the car I whispered,

"I am so sorry for all the pain I've put you through. I will never be able to make it up to you."

She sighed, "It's in the past. We can discuss it another time, if you wish."

"I want to discuss it sometime." I said as she drove towards my house.

"We will." She promised.

"Okay." I agreed.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 –

**Bella's POV**

The Cullen's house was a strange thing to see after so long. All the curtains were closed, there were covers on the furniture, dust was everywhere but most things were exactly as they had been – like Edward's room.

"I didn't take anything with me after I left..." He explained.

"Oh." I said looking around at the stacks of CD's and books, the leather couch, the stereo.

He walked over to the closet and got a change of clothes and a folded towel, "You don't mind if I have a quick shower, do you?"

"No, no, go ahead..." I said distractedly.

The view from his room was amazing, you could see the entire forest with the stream cutting through it, birds flocking in the tops of the trees.

When I looked away I noticed Edward was gone, and I could hear the shower running in the next room. Which meant Edward was naked in the next room. And we were in a house all alone. I blushed and walked over to the shelf of CD's to distract myself. Edward was only back half an hour and I was already thinking about that...

He did in fact have a quick shower, within two minutes he was back, appearing by my side. His hair was damp, he smelled of soap and his clothes were now clean and ironed.

"I have to be home by ten." I said interrupting the silence.

"Okay." He agreed smiling, his eyes amused.

I looked back around his room and walked over to the couch, taking a seat. He followed me and sat right beside me, taking my hand in his.

"Tell me everything that's happened." He ordered.

"I already said..." I wondered if he had short term memory loss.

"I know, but there must have been more that happened. I want to know every small, unimportant detail: how did your final exams go? What was graduation like? Who are your friends? What's work like? Do you have good lecturers? What college do you go to? What are your plans for the future? What was your birthday like? Does it feel different to be nineteen? What presents did you get? Have you travelled anywhere? What do you do in your free time?" He fired questions quickly and I forgot them a moment after he said them.

"Um..." I started, biting my lip, "Well, I read in my free time, cook for Charlie, study. I've been in Forks or up at the reservation, so, no, I haven't travelled. My birthday was... pretty sad actually. Billy came over with beer to watch the game, Jake and Charlie bought a cake from the supermarket, we all went out to Dinner. Graduation was good, I guess... Final exams were crazy, I nearly failed calculus. Friends...Uh, Jake and Angela..." I laughed a little, I had been here for years and I still could only claim to have two friends. I did have more, but he took them away with him: Esme, Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle and Alice – my best friend.

Then I remembered the pack and added, "Some other guys that are friends with Jake."

He tilted his head to the side considering, "How's work? College? How long is your course? What then?"

"Work's good, I suppose. I just pack the shelves, serve customers, most I stand behind the counter waiting for customers. College is kind of a time filler, but it's interesting, easy. My course is a year, so I finish in November. Then... I don't know. Another course? I haven't given it much thought. The future has been unimportant..." I responded looking out the window again.

He sighed, "You should think about the future, work towards something. What do you want to be? Where do you want to go? You need to consider these things. If you're going to apply to universities for next year then you should be looking into that now before it's too late."

I rolled my eyes, "I know, I know, everyone's been telling me."

Frowning he said, "Well, it's true. We can look at universities sometime, I'll help you research."

When I looked back and met his eyes he seemed worried, about the future perhaps.

"So, what about you? You really haven't done anything? How's everyone? When did you last see them?" I asked.

"I think they're all fine. Carlisle found work at a hospital, Esme is doing interior design, she started a small business. I don't think she likes it that much, working with a budget for other people. Rosalie isn't going to high school but the others are. She didn't want to go back to the start of the year again, learning all the same things again and again. It's very frustrating for her. I haven't seen them for about eight months..." He finished quietly, looking away from me.

This time I was the one who was worried. He hadn't been with the Cullen's for eight months? How could he have coped running around in the wilderness by himself for at least eight months? He must have been going crazy, living like that.

"Did you keep in touch with them?" I asked.

"Sometimes... If I was passing through a city." He said sighing.

"You should have called them or not left to begin with." I admonished.

He sighed again, nodding.

"Call them now!" I demanded.

"But we were going to surprise them...?" He tried.

"You don't have to tell them you're here, with me. Just find out how they are, let them know you're still alive." I started.

He pulled out his mobile phone, looking tired.

**Edward's POV**

The phone only rang a few times before Jasper picked up, I had decided to call the house they were staying at rather than choosing who I wanted to speak to, this way it was luck of the draw.

"Hello?" He asked hesitantly, probably because I had blocked my caller ID.

"Hi." I said awkwardly.

Bella was making hand gestures, trying to encourage me to keep talking by waving her hands.

"Edward? Is that you?" He asked carefully.

"Yes, Jasper. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Where are you? Are you well?" He questioned.

"Yes, I am well." I answered without telling him where I was.

Bella frowned at the conversation, obviously disapproving. I could hear Alice yelling in the background 'Edward's called! Jazz, keep him on the phone while I get Esme and Carlisle."

Then Emmett was on the phone too, "What's up?"

"I... uh... It's been a while." I said in reply.

"Yes, it has. We've been worried." Jasper said.

"I'm fine..." I said again.

"Where are you?" Emmett asked.

I looked at Bella, trying to think of an answer, she wasn't helping much.

"I'm back in America." I told him finally, "Not sure where exactly, I've been in the forest for a few weeks."

"When are you coming home?" Esme suddenly joined in.

"I don't know. I just need space." I said using the same excuse as I had been for a year.

"What's wrong?" Carlisle asked.

"It's not that, I was just calling to let you know I was still alive. How is everything?" I diverted the conversation.

"We're fine! Come home... Please. I miss you. I can't even see your future anymore. Do you know why? I thought you might have been dead." Alice interrupted.

"I thought I told you not to look for my future." I told her.

"Yeah, yeah... But she has already given up her life for you, Edward. We moved because of you and then you left? What was the point in that?" Rosalie said obviously unhappy.

"Look, it's not that simple. We couldn't stay, it was dangerous for her. I..." I started explaining but Carlisle cut me off.

"You don't need to explain your decision, we trust your judgement." He said serenely.

"Yeah, right. You trust his judgement?" Alice grumbled.

Emmett laughed, "I agree with Alice."

While he was laughing, Jasper asked quietly, "Are you alright?"

"Yes. I'm feeling... better. I'm sorry it's been so long." I said, telling them all.

"You better come home, Edward. We miss you. And to think I've let you be out there without any clothes..." Alice sighed.

I laughed, "Yes, clothes are the most important thing to have out here, definitely."

Emmett laughed, "Bet you had good hunting!"

"Sometimes." I replied.

"I miss you so much, I hope you are as well as you say." Esme said gently.

"You can't let what happened haunt you forever..." Carlisle said.

"I know. I should go. I might call you sometime..." I trailed off sadly, hiding the surprise visit from them.

With a chorus of goodbyes and well wishes, I hung up.

"Everyone's fine." I informed Bella.

"I love you." She said leaning forward. I met her lips and kissed her slowly, savouring the taste of her.

_A/N: I'm sorry it has been so long, I have written most of this story I just forgot to post it, sorry! _


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 –

**Bella's POV**

When I woke up in the morning, I was surprised to find that it wasn't the annoying, electronic buzzing from my alarm as usual, which woke me. It wasn't even going off. It was the cool hand, gently trailing down my cheek, over my neck and down my arm, his low voice quietly saying my name. I was even more surprised when I figured out that Edward was real and that he had come back, and he was still here.

"Good morning..." I mumbled, stretching my arms out in front of me.

"Morning, my love. I turned your alarm off but you probably need to be getting up." He said, sitting up.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Just past nine." He said smiling.

"Nine? I have to be at work in half an hour! It'll take me that long to drive there!" I said jumping up and going through my closet.

He sighed, apparently dismayed that I needed to wake up at all. He had always thought it was unfair how little sleep I got when it was such a peaceful, restoring miracle for humans, in his words.

I grabbed my jeans and the t-shirt I was required to wear, running into the bathroom.

"Is there anything I can do?" Edward called.

Maybe it was just my crazy mind or his absence but in my mind what he asked sounded pretty dirty. But then I reminded myself he was Edward, with his high morals and virtues.

"Can you get me a granola bar, throw my wallet in my bag, and get my phone and my keys from the kitchen and get a water bottle out of the fridge, please?" I asked, knowing it would be so much quicker for him being a vampire.

"Sure." He said.

I changed quickly, yanking my hair brush through my hair and pulling it into a pony tail.

I had no time to argue when Edward insisted that he drive me _and_ come in to watch me work. Due to his death-defying, illegal, driving standards we arrived there six minutes early. I went in around the back and sent Edward to go get coffee from the cafe across the road. At half past nine I flipped the 'OPEN' sign around and let Edward in.

"Have you changed your dieting habits since I last saw you?" I asked jokily, noticing how he'd bought a bag of breakfast foods that could feed a family.

He handed me my coffee, grinning sheepishly, "No, but you need to have breakfast."

He was exactly the same person I had known years ago, which made it easier to believe that he had lied when he left, although I was still having a difficult time coming to terms with it. How could I accept his logic had been the only thing that drove him to leave me? Maybe I had been away from him so long that my mind didn't remember exactly how conscientious, guilt-consumed and caring he was. Still, I had been telling myself for over two years that I wasn't beautiful enough, that I wasn't lovable in any way. And Jake had been the only one to ever say that I was wrong.

**Edward's POV**

I watched her sipping her coffee, nibbling on a bacon and egg muffin, typing at the computer. Sometimes she would be consumed by her thoughts and start staring off into space. Then she'd notice me and go back to her work. When I was surveying the book shelves, I would see her out of the corner of my eye, looking at me questioningly, searching for something in my eyes. Like I was the most baffling thing she'd ever seen. I was a vampire, so I understood that, except that she'd never looked at me like that before I left.

"Is this what you normally do at work?" I asked after she'd finished her breakfast.

"It's always quiet in the morning, so I usually go through the stock lists or tidy the shelves. Today I'm waiting for a delivery of books so I can barcode them and then put them on the shelves." She answered, still looking at her computer screen.

I scrutinized her face, memorizing every detail for the next hour. The phone rang twice and no one came into the store.

When a delivery van drove around the back of the store she signed for two big boxes, presumably containing the books she mentioned.

She went back to the computer and a few minutes later she had printed off sheets of adhesive barcodes. She opened the boxes and went through each book: finding its barcode, scanning it, typing the details into the computer. Then she took piles of three or four books at a time and found where they belonged in the store. It was dull but at least I could be with her again, watching her bite her lip as she concentrated. She had always been beautiful but now... it amazed me how much she'd changed, how extraordinary she'd become.

Customers started to come in every twenty minutes or so and I would pretend to be browsing through the shelves while I watched Bella serve them, answer their questions. It came naturally to her; effortlessly she could describe a book or find a textbook. She was brilliant. Not that I wasn't biased, I loved her.

When there was no one around, she seemed to remember that I was there and smiled, "The store closes at three today, sometimes I do shifts with the owner when it's open later but because it's so quiet here..."

"Do you get breaks?" Although she wasn't doing much, it seemed wrong that she stayed here and worked for that long.

She nodded, "If I want I can put a back in fifteen minutes sign on the door. But I normally don't."

I seemed to be far more intrigued with her job than she did. It was routine to her but for me it was new. I wanted to know everything about it.

She went to the staff/store room at the back of the store to make a tea.

"Do you want to do something after I lock up?" She called back to me.

"Sure, what were you thinking?" I grinned, happy that she still wanted me after all this time.

She was thoughtful as she carried her tea back to the counter – without tripping once – until something occurred to her and she said 'oh, I forgot something...' to herself.

"Hmm?" I asked, if she needed to pick up dry cleaning or get groceries, she must have known I would be happy to come with her. I wanted to spend every second of eternity with her.

She looked down and fiddled with a pen, "Jake...um, Jacob was coming over. I was going to help him study... like we normally do."

"Oh." I said, thinking this through. I still didn't like Jacob, if not because I was jealous, then because he was a werewolf. He was too young for her anyway; he was still studying at high school.

"I should call Jacob..." She murmured, picking up the phone. I nodded, flipping through a book catalogue while I listened to their conversation.

"Hey Bells!" Jacob greeted, obnoxiously happy.

"Hi Jake, were you still coming over to uh, study this afternoon?" She asked hesitantly.

**Bella's POV**

I heard Quil laughing next to the phone then him calling, "Hey Hot Stuff!" Before Jacob shushed him.

Jake laughed on the other end of the phone, "Of course. Oh and Quil says hi."

"Mmhmm... That's what he said." I reply smiling.

"You seem happier than usual, especially for someone who's at work..." He said, half joking.

"Yeah well... There's something I have to tell you Jake. Don't freak out. And it's none of the pack's business. I'm telling you because you're my best friend, not because it's some threat to tell Sam about." I caught Edward peeking up from the book he was looking through, "Maybe I should just tell you this afternoon..."

I could practically hear Jacob stressing, "Is something wrong? What do you mean?"

"I knew you would freak out. You worry too much about me; you're the one who goes off to kill immortals." I joke, trying to distract him.

"Bella..." he says in a warning voice.

"It's nothing bad... but you won't like it." I tell him. I noticed Edward watching me again and hold the phone away from my mouth, "Stop looking at me like that!" I say to him and then mumble, frustrated, "Overprotective, caring, mythical creatures!"

He chuckles and goes to look at the book shelves with his back to me.

"Bella?" Jake calls from the phone.

"Oh, yeah, Jake. Sorry about that. I had to... uh..."

He cut me off, "Tell someone to stop looking at you. I heard. Who's there? Is Angela trying to set you up again?"

"No, no. Never mind that. Anyway, when you see a, uh... vampire, do you always start shaking or just when it's in your territory?" I asked nonchalantly. If only I was a better liar. And Edward just smirked at me.

"Depends who the vamp is and why I'm seeing them. The shaking is when I'm angry. Them being on my territory makes me angry." He said questioningly. "Why do you ask?"

"Just curious... So I'll talk to you this afternoon?" I asked, in a happy voice.

"Hang on, what were you going to tell me, that I wouldn't like?" He said suspiciously.

I didn't want to tell him on the phone that Edward was back... I didn't really want to tell him at all. His response to the topic of Edward was never pleasant.

After a long moment of consideration and watching Edward pretend to be deeply interested in a biography, I answered.

"I'm going away this weekend. I'll tell you about it this afternoon. We'll have to cancel meeting in your garage. Sorry." I wasn't really lying... It was true. It just wasn't all the details.

He laughed, "You had me worried Bella. I was thinking of that time you insisted we go cliff diving and then didn't wait for me. Who knows when you'll discover sky diving or abseiling?"

"I think I'm over that stuff. Anyway, see you later." I didn't want to go into conversations about nearly dying when Edward was listening, ever.

"Yeah, love ya, Bells!" he called, before hanging up.

Edward raised an eyebrow at me - which I ignored - and came to sit on the other side of the counter.

"You can't be there this afternoon. He'll probably already smell you. I'm sorry, I don't want to leave you either, but Jacob will..." I tilted my head to the side, trying to think of a nice way of putting 'kill you'. "He'll be upset. Very upset... It's not going to turn out well if you're there." I said nodding.

"You want me to leave you alone with a _very upset_ werewolf? Bella..." He sighed.

"Edward, Jake isn't like that; he would never do anything to me. Trust me on this. It's not your choice." I told him, trying to calm this situation down quickly.

Edward was upset, I could see it in his eyes when he went to make me another tea, when he smiled and said he was going to book the flights to the Cullen's new house and when he said he was scoping out the area for decent restaurants but actually just walked up and down the street with his head down where he thought I couldn't see. He'd been back a day and I was already distressing him.

As he came back in the door, still trying to smile, I moved around the counter to stand next to him.

"Edward, please don't be worried. It's nearly time to close up, let's go to the meadow, okay? Jake doesn't come by until five. I'll even let you drive." I smiled at him.

"You're right, it's not my choice. He's your friend...it'll be fine. Yes, the meadow... I haven't been brave enough to go back since I was there with you. I couldn't bare the memories."

"Okay, then. It's decided." I said, hugging him. He was so much more vulnerable now. Not the stoic Edward I knew, after all.

* * *

**A/N:** Has our Edward changed?

To all of you who story alerted this, I'm touched, really, but I know who you are and I want reviews. Or I'll start naming people. Mhmm... I have names. My lovely reviewers, caroline and snoopykid, thank you so much and also, will you go angry werewolf on those who only story alerted for me? Joking, angry vampire would be much better... encouragement. It's December everyone! Get with the holiday spirit! Also check out all my other stories and review lots. If you do then I'll write a Christmas special fanfic for Twilight. I mean, I was going to do it for something else, like hmm... Evernight.

Check out Unnoticed Moments for a 'Christmas Song' which is - obviously - Christmas in New moon... Poor Bella.

I promise the new Christmas Special will be much happier. If you review.

Thanks againeveryone for your support! In the words of Mcdonalds - I'm loving it. (Yes, that was McDonalds, don't question it.)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry it's been so long, thanks to my lovely and talented beta, foxyvictorianagurl, who has to deal with my disorganization and ended up with chapters 5 & 6 before this one :)

Chapter 4 –

**Edward's POV**

It was a struggle leaving her. After we went to the meadow she drove me back to the Cullen's house and promised to call there when she was finished talking to Jacob. I promised to stay there but it was hard getting out of the car in the first place. I could see it in her eyes too, and the fact that every time I kissed her she pulled me back for another kiss or a hug. Like she'd never see me again.

"I will be here, Bella, I'm not going anywhere. I love you." I told her solemnly.

"I'll talk to you soon. I love you." She said as I got out of the car.

Watching her drive off was unbearable. At least she hadn't seen me leaving two years ago. Although I regretted it with every cell in my body, I still see why I did it at the time.

I went up to my room and listened to music, tried to occupy my mind, went over every change in Bella over the last two years. Tried not to worry. I went on my laptop and confirmed the flight booking. I packed a small suitcase to take with me on the weekend.

**Bella's POV**

When I got home I showered and washed my hair, threw my sheets in the wash, closed my bedroom door. Tried to make the smell of Edward undetectable so that it wouldn't make Jacob freak out before I had a chance to talk to him. By now he had probably realised that my warning on the phone this morning about it not being a threat for the pack, didn't match my explanation of a weekend away.

I was cleaning the kitchen when I heard his car pull into the drive. For the last hour I'd been trying to figure out how to tell him, but it only made me nervous planning in advance.

"Hey Jake, come on in!" I called when he knocked. Before he could come and hug me like he usually did I spoke, "Do you want something to drink? I've got some snacks already."

He grinned, "Nah, I'm fine. How was your day?"

"The book store was quiet, not many customers, as usual. Let's set up in the lounge room today, Charlie won't be home til late so he won't need the TV."

"Do I get a hug?" He teased but I already had a plate of snacks and a glass of soda in my hands.

"I wanted to talk to you about something..." I told him when we were sitting down.

"About this weekend? Where are you going, by the way?" He asked, with his constant Jake-smile in place.

"It's kind of about that... I'm going to LA." I told him, remembering where Charlie had said Carlisle's new job was when they'd first left. I doubted this was true, with its sun LA would be a terrible home for vampires.

He tilted his head to the side, "Yeah?"

"I'm going to see some old friends, you know, surprise visit. It was a sudden thing; it just fit in to college to go this weekend." I explained and he nodded slightly for me to continue, "I didn't really tell you the whole truth earlier on the phone. That's not what I needed to talk to you about. You have to understand that this doesn't have anything to do with you, but I know you'll care, so I'm telling you. Not a pack thing. Got it?"

"Yeah..."He said suspiciously.

"Promise to stay calm and not freak out or get mad? And promise not to start shaking because that _freaks me out_?" I said, watching him.

"Bella, what is this about?" he asked, looking concerned.

"Promise me, Jacob Black, or I'm not telling you!" I ordered.

"Okay, okay, I promise to stay calm and not freak out, get mad or start shaking because that freaks you out." He said, taking my hand and fiddling with my fingers, I let him hold my hand, to soften the impact of the news.

I took a deep breath, still not sure how to say this. "When you're in love with somebody, you can say you're over it but you never really are." I stated, using my argument from last night to explain.

Jacob stiffened.

"Bella, we've been over this, I'm not... I know you don't love me."

I shook my head.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I know, I do love you like a brother and as my best friend... just not how you want. It's not about that though. Remember what you promised." I told him, squeezing his hand.

"I know you can't understand my decision, but love is like that. He had to do what he did because he thought it was the right thing to do - because he loved me. He may have been confused and wrong, but he thinks differently... and this is what seemed right to him."

"Bella, what are you talking about?" Jake asked confused.

I was trying to explain before I mentioned Edward, so he would understand. "If I ever stopped talking to you and seeing you, would you forgive me?"

"Depends why you did it," He said uncertainly.

"Does it really matter, as long as I came back and begged for forgiveness?" I said, searching his eyes.

He sighed after a moment, "No, because I love you, no matter what."

"Exactly." I said, smiling broadly at him.

"Seriously, what's this about, Bells? You knew I'd say that."

"Promise me again." I told him, anxious.

"I won't get mad or freak out _or _start shaking... okay?" He said, rubbing circles on my hand.

"Thank you. You would forgive me, you just said so. This is the same thing, really. You understand, you just have to think about it reasonably and not how you normally think about this sort of thing..." I was talking quickly, babbling, distracting him, but he was listening intently, "I still want you to be my best friend. I will always be your best friend. Even if you stop talking to me forever. Which you won't, because that's ridiculous. I mean, you trust me. So you have to understand that it's not my fault, it's just... love. I know you don't believe I could love someone like that, but please. It's not his fault either. You should just be happy for me because it makes me happy. And he was in pain too. When Edward came back, he looked terrible. He's been torturing himself for the last two years. But you have to know that I'm not just rushing into anything. I'm old enough to make this decision for myself." I had been rambling a bit, but I stood firm with what I said. I braced myself for Jake's explosive reaction, but it didn't come as I expected.

"Wow, there is a lot of stuff I _have_ to know and understand. But more to the point, did you just say 'When _Edward_ came back'? Because it was hard to understand with your talking so fast. I must be imagining things." He said, frowning and watching me closely.

I gripped both of his hands and bit my lip, thinking he couldn't be mad if I was holding onto him so tightly. I felt him move his hand in mine; obviously wishing I wasn't crushing his hand but not saying anything.

"I did." I whispered, looking down at the white of my knuckles.

"Bella...?" Jake said questioningly.

"I said Edward came back. Last night." I whispered, not moving my eyes in fear of the look on his face.

He was taking deep breaths, "What are you telling me, Bella?"

"Edward Cullen came back last night and we talked and... he still loves me." I mumbled to his hands.

"So what? That leech can't just come back after what he's done. Please tell me this isn't going to end like I think it is..." Jake pleaded but I could hear the resignation in his voice.

"I'm sorry, Jake. You know I love him too; you can hate him enough for both of us, but I can't let him go again. Just don't hate me for that." I said, finally looking up at him.

"I need some time to think..." He stated.

"You're mad."

"You may not have been able to see what you looked like when he left, but I did." He said, shaking his head slightly.

"Even more reason not to let him go." I said softly.

"Okay, Bella. I get it. You love that parasite and he's back, so you forgave him and now you're back together. I'm trying not to upset you, but... I need some time to think, I'll call you tomorrow." He stood up and I finally let go of his hands.

"Promise." I said, blocking his path.

"Yes, Bells. Of course." He said, pulling me into a hug, "I'm not mad at you."

He sighed and left.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks again to foxyvictorianagurl, who beta'd this, she is amazing. Hope you all enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 5 –

**Edward's POV**

I couldn't wait to see them again; the time away had only made it painfully clear how much I relied on them – Carlisle's advice, Alice's joy, all of them and their strength. I didn't know what I contributed to their lives but it must have been something significant based on their thoughts. The pleas I'd received over the phone hadn't mattered; I'd brushed them all of as forced concern, perhaps they felt obligated to care. Now, close enough to hear their thoughts before they realised I was here, I noticed the frequency with which they thought of me. Everyone's thoughts combined; a worry… a memory…a regret about me came up every few minutes. We were family; I never knew how hard it was to leave that behind. My one piece of advice from this horrible, tormented existence: If you are fortunate enough to have love and family, don't try to escape it.

Bella had expressed how proud she was of me for coming back more than once. Now, she felt it was a good time to give me life lessons as we drove. Of course, she didn't know I was relishing the thoughts of the people I loved most and trying to split my concentration between that and her beautiful voice. Thanks to my vampire mind for allowing me to enjoy both.

"You have to tell them that you care, Edward. You have to tell them you love them. They've been here, waiting. You're the one who just ran off – at least they got phone calls twice a year but you need to take responsibility now. They are the people you love most in the world; I know that, but do they? None of them are mind readers, all they have is trust." She said serenely.

Not knowing what the proper reply to such things was, I smiled at her and sighed. "I love you, Bella."

"That was not my subtle way of telling you that you need to express your love to me more often. But I love you too." She grinned, amusement sparking in her deep, brown eyes.

At the end of the Cullen's extremely long driveway – their new house was surrounded by a private forest – I parked the Volvo and turned to Bella, "Feel like a run?" Grinning, I got out of the car, picked Bella up out of her seat and ran through the stretch of trees and shrubs in seconds, abruptly stopping at the front door. It was strange for them to have a new house that they called home when I had never been inside, unexpectedly I realised that it stung a little.

Bella watched me, sending brief glances to the door. She leaned towards me, whispering, "You should knock before someone opens the door, it's polite. At least, for a vampire, considering they could probably hear and smell us from half way up the driveway."

I shot her a nervous look and the best half smile I could muster, quickly knocking on the door softly.

Which was promptly thrown open by... one of them. It was hard to tell because a millisecond later both Bella and I were surrounded in a huge group hug, with Alice squealing and jumping up and down in the centre.

**Bella's POV**

It was like the Christmas gathering that I had always wanted, with a big family that all loved each other unconditionally and weren't embarrassed at all to do silly things, and just be themselves.

And Edward had always had this. I saw him transform around them as they told stories (with some re-enactments) of the things they'd done. They wrestled him to the ground as punishment for being so stupid; with Alice sitting proudly on top of the pile that was her adopted siblings, Carlisle standing beside Edward's head laughing while Edward begged him to stop them. All was forgiven, but not forgotten.

"Where have you been? Look at you!" Alice cried, poking his shirt. She muttered something and Jasper laughed beside me. I gave him a confused look and he leant in, whispered that it was from five seasons ago – typical Alice. It was nice to know that they would never change.

"Have you been hunting? You don't look like it. Couldn't you have at least taken care of yourself? Goodness, Edward! You go hunting this second." She shoved his shoulder and he reluctantly stood up, glancing down at me. Esme smiled, "We'll look after her. Go hunting already! How about we make you something to eat, Bella?"

Edward shook his head smiling and kissed my hair, "Back soon, don't eat anything that doesn't look right. Scratch that: don't eat _anything_." He laughed and raced out the back door.

Emmett's laughter boomed through the room, "Come on, Bells! We'll all help make you something to eat! This is going to be fun..." He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the kitchen, everyone else being herded by Esme.

Needless to say, Emmett had a lot of fun. I was a little concerned about the whole idea but they all seemed very enthusiastic. Jasper and Rosalie willingly participated, which surprised me, but what was more unexpected was that they seemed so relaxed. Jasper, Alice and Rosalie were cooking something on the other side of the room while Esme put a tray of frozen food in the freezer and Emmett decided to make a cake. Unsuccessfully.

"Why did you have all this food stocked up?" I asked Esme, hoping it didn't offend her.

She nodded towards Alice, "She is a force to be reckoned with. She thought you might be coming to stay but she wasn't certain – none of us could believe it. We are so glad to have you here, I've missed you."

"Thank you. I've missed you too." I said, hugging her. She smiled and went back to setting the timer on the oven carefully.

After Emmett gave up on his 'cake' he poured the contents of the mixing bowl – flour, water, egg shells, eggs, milk and sugar - over Alice's head. She had the cutest mad face I had ever seen, like she was an angry fairy. But she didn't hesitate to start slapping Emmett and soon chased him out the door. Which was ironically funny due to his size and we all had to laugh.

I cringed when Jasper and Rosalie set a plate down in front of me of what they had been preparing.

"Fruit salad!" Rosalie said triumphantly. "I saw it on a children's show the other day – play school? – and I remembered. They said everyone would love it - Specifically your parents. Obviously, it's not Carlisle's thing... anyway."

"Thanks, Rosalie. That was really thoughtful." I gave her a genuinely bright smile, amazed by her efforts to be nice.

Looking at the food however, did not inspire such happy thoughts. I masked it by pretending to study the food carefully. Or at least what was constructed from food, because it hadn't resulted in anything edible. What sat before me was a plate of fruit and salad mixed together. Literally there was diced strawberries, rockmelon, watermelon, apple, banana and grapes with lettuce, tomato, cheese, croutons, olive and shredded carrot, topped with a vinegar dressing. They'd also sliced a loaf of Turkish bread and put the whole thing on the side of the plate. I didn't eat _that_ much.

"Thank you both, wow." I told them, smiling down at the plate so they couldn't tell how fake it was. Then I turned to Esme, "Oh, look at the time, where's Edward?"

She smiled kindly, "He should be back soon; he got delayed by Emmett and Alice..."

What happened next was the most unforseen event the entire visit – which is definitely saying something. Jasper grinned at me and, southern accent strong, said, "Come on, Bella, try some!" The way his eyes sparkled I knew he could feel all my emotions still. Including my repulsion to the food. When I hesitated, he eagerly picked up the fork and stabbed a piece of cheese, a piece of strawberry and some lettuce, holding it up to my mouth.

Damn vampires. Smiling still for Rosalie's benefit I sighed. "I should really wait for Edward, he gets upset when I don't listen to him, you know."

Rosalie laughed, "Never mind him, the recipe is from a child's program, I'm sure it's safe."

I wanted to tell her that that logic was severely flawed considering how those shows often did strange things. Hello, Telletubbies? Flying pancakes? Possibly a little dangerous. But I couldn't upset her after she'd tried so hard so I nodded, letting Jasper feed me a mouthful of the stuff. If it wasn't for the dressing, I'm sure it wouldn't have been so bad. I noticed Carlisle sitting at the table, previously still and silent, was shaking his head and smiling, obviously trying not to laugh.

Esme saves me after five minutes of Jasper forcing me to eat this strange concoction by placing a plate of finger food fresh from the oven in front of me, her smile gentle and warm.

"How is your father, Bella?" Carlisle asks.

"He's good, the same, really."

"And you're well?"

"Yes, thank you. It's good to see you all again." I smile shyly, intimidated by their perfection yet again.

"You're looking well." Esme murmurs.

"I'm sure Edward's noticed," Emmett laughs as he walks in the door, elbowing Edward who trails behind him, glancing up at me through his eyelashes.

"Really, Emmett, she's not even in designer jeans." Alice scoffs, jumping daintily onto Jasper's lap. "Though you do look lovely, Bella, grown up."

I blush, naturally, and smile at Esme and Alice. If only I weren't growing older with each second, if Edward wasn't younger than me... When I glance up, his eyes are molten gold, studying my face carefully, always so intense.

Jasper offers me the bowl of salad as he smirks, Carlisle laughs and shakes his head and I am at a loss, yet again, as to how I ended up with this group of models in the first place – and how I find myself here again.

"I've missed you." Edward whispers in my ear, appearing behind my chair and I'm forced to believe him, his voice is so soft and tortured.

"And I you," I reply, smiling and Alice claps and bounces gleefully on Jasper's knee like a three year old. Esme is also beaming at us, every one of them happy that I am here.

"Love," Jasper says quietly to me, "does not wane easily. We all love you, Bella."

Edward takes the seat beside me and turns it backwards, his hands resting on the chair back and facing me. He nods, mouthing 'I do too'.

"Thank you, Jasper; you're all like family to me." _Don't leave me again, please_, I add silently.

"You'll always be part of our family," Alice says confidently, winking at me.

Edward smiles his crooked, melt-your-heart grin and they seem to communicate in that silent way of theirs for a minute before Carlisle coughs quietly and they look meekly up at him. He smiles indulgently and tilts his head towards me, forever conscious of his manners in front of his guest.

"But Bella doesn't care, she's family..." Alice elegantly whines, something only possible for a Cullen girl.

"Bella, do excuse my children, they seem to have forgotten themselves. Please, eat; you've had a long journey. The spare room is made up if you'd like to rest." Esme's warm voice is the softest of rebukes, yet Edward and Alice give her apologetic looks, completely respecting her authority.

"Little sis, what have you been up to?" Emmett grins and sits down across from me.

"Um, college, mostly. Bachelor of English lit."

"What else have you been doing?" Rosalie asks, with an oddly proud smile directed at me.

"Not much... after I graduated from school I started work at this book store in Port Angeles. I still work there... I um, did some mechanics. You know, recreationally..."

"What kind of mechanics?" Edward asks.

"Like uh... rebuilding motorbikes..." I look down, realizing that he wouldn't approve of the motorbikes, cliff diving, pack meetings and beach expeditions that have occupied my free time for the last few years.

Emmett's laugh is intrusively loud, as always, "Bella _rebuilding bikes_? No way! Do you ride them too?"

Edward is watching me inquisitively, looking regretful.

"I... well, kind of. A friend of mine knows mechanics and he did most of the rebuilding. We did ride them, they worked well." _Minus the many accidents I managed to get myself into on deserted side streets_.

"Jacob?" Edward asks; his jaw clenched subtly.

"Yes."

He sighs, "Oh, Bella." He turns to Emmett, "You will never believe who she's friends with now..."

"Who?" Emmett smirks, knowing something good is coming.

"Jacob Black. Yes, those Blacks. She's been hanging out on wolf territory." He says with a wry smile.

"The _werewolves_?" Emmett's eyes widened and he turned to slowly grin at me. "They're not very nice, Bella."

"You'd be surprised," I started, but am cut off by the babble of conversation, too fast for me to comprehend, that went on between Esme, Carlisle and Edward, finally ending in Rosalie's laugh.

"The irony is not lost on me, I assure you, Rosalie." Edward murmured, tight lipped but his eyes amused.

"They didn't... harm you?" Esme asked, softly, "I don't mean to insult your friends; it's just that they are….not fond of us and your….association to Edward was….quite well known..." She added hastily.

"Of course not! Jake's not like that, he's... just Jake. He's a good person." I shook my head, unable to explain.

"And the rest of the pack?" Edward interjected, adoring and concerned yet furious with me all at once.

"They are all good people. They are not the animals they change into. It's not their fault that they change, they're not born werewolves." Nor could I blame the Cullens for existing and making the wolves changing necessary. But they shouldn't have acted as though the wolves were monsters.

"They're known to be very hot-headed, Bella, you must forgive us for assuming that would be true of your friends." Esme said, politely, her concern still clear.

"Well, let's not intrude; if they are Bella's friends, it's none of our business. How long are you staying, Bella? " Carlisle adds smiling kindly.

"Um, I have to be back at work on Monday..." I shrug, worried about how serious this conflict is between the Cullen's and the wolves... Jake can't just stop talking to me, can he?

"Excellent, you'll have to tell us about your work later. Edward? Will you stay... long?"

Edward frowns, looking around the room slowly as some of them smile encouragingly and others look down, not committing to hope, I presume. "I can't... I'll escort Bella home. I'll come back after that."

"None of your nonsense anymore, Edward, you belong with your family." Esme adds quietly, reprimanding.

"Yes, Mom, I know." They share a moment of silent communication and he nods.

"Are you done, Bella? I'll show you to your room." Esme smiles at me, appeased by Edward.

Edward reaches over and takes my hand, standing up and following Esme up the stairs to the second floor and into a room that overlooks a sun filled mini-forest. It's beautiful, private and decorated in ochre and cobalt blue. An oil painting of the sun rising hangs above the dark wood bed frame, the floors softly carpeted and the ochre walls making Esme look young and alive, surrounded by the soft light of the afternoon as she stands in the middle of the room.

"You have your own bathroom through here and you can keep yours things in the drawers. Rosalie and Emmet's room is on the next floor, Alice and Jasper have the two rooms on the right of yours and Carlisle's study is on the left. Our room is directly above you, if you need anything. The kitchen and the entertainment rooms are downstairs. Just call if you need us, someone will here," she taps her ear with a smile. "Edward, we set up a room for you beside Rose and Emmett's, just in case. There's a spring just into the forest that attracts a lot of animals... and of course, the shops are just a couple of minutes drive away, Bella. I'm sure one of the family will be happy to drive you, or lend you a car, if you need something." She smiles and gestures around, searching for any other information we many need. "Well, I think that's it, I'll make you some dinner later." With another smile she glides out of the room.

I sit on the bed and smile at Edward, tired, overwhelmed and completely happy. If it weren't for the jetlag, I might have been unable to refrain from grinning constantly. Finally, I was back with these people I love.

"Everyone seems very pleased to see you, though I think you may be bombarded with questions sooner or later. They're very curious." Edward smiles.

"I have the feeling they want to corner you and do the same. I don't think they'll last long."

"You're right; I shouldn't let you sleep, they'll pull me away. Though they did get a bit of their inquisition in when we were hunting."

"Are they upset with you?"

"They're family; it's hard to describe how they feel about my return."

"Relieved and furious, anxious and annoyed, hurt and grateful, loving and wanting to slap you, at the same time as never wanting to let you leave their sight again?"

He sighs and nods, "You are right, as usual. How are you feeling, after all this?"

"Good, tired, a million other things. I'll admit, I'm a bit like your family at the moment."

"Not too overwhelmed, I hope?" He asks, moving to sit on the edge of the bed beside me tentatively.

"No, I'm okay... happy, mostly." I smile at him, so very real and beside me.

With a quick knock, Alice skips into the room and throws herself onto the bed beside me, crossing her legs gracefully. Jasper smiles apologetically and follows his wife into the room, sitting on a chair beside the bed.

"Bella, I've missed you," She wraps an arm around me and gently squeezes my shoulders before moving to face me. "You look well, really; so beautiful." She shakes her head and blinks, as though she would have tears running down her cheeks if she could.

"Thank you; I like your new hair style." Her hair was softly curled away from her face and hung to just above her chin, she appeared more delicate, somehow, than when she had it spiked.

"Thanks, I've been feathering it recently, though the wind here is a nuisance. And you've shortened your hair," she ran her fingers through the ends of my hair softly, "I love the layers, you should try curling the ends a little, it would really suit you." She grins, pleased with her advice. "And Edward, you need to get your hair cut, it's ridiculous. Long hair is so ancient now. Our hair grows fast, like any other body part you remove would grow back." She explains.

"Oh, Alice," he sighs, "It's good to see you."

"And it's good to have you back," Jasper drawls. "Now let's leave Bella to sleep, she's had a long flight."

"And a surprising few days." Alice adds, eyes sparkling.

"I'll wake you for dinner, love." Edward murmurs quietly to me as Jasper and Alice leave.

"Spend some time with your family."

"I will. I love you, Bella." He kisses my forehead, inhales deeply and gives me a shy smile before he leaves.

Sighing, I pray to whatever deity had brought him back to me that he would never leave again and fell into oblivion in this unfamiliar house, thousands of miles from home.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: This is my favourite chapter so far, I hope you love it, too. Thanks again to foxyvictorianagurl, her twilight knowledge is incredible and made this chapter so much better, along with her editing skills :)

Chapter 6 – 

**Bella POV**

I was standing on the edge of a cliff, a vast forest spread before me, no waves to catch me if I fell. It occurred to me, somewhat ironically, that the cliffs and waves I had fallen into time and time again were on Jacob's land and I could not find relief in them now. Perhaps, never again.

Yet my love called to me, either from just behind, or far into the forest, his voice echoing and surrounding me.

"I love you, I promise, you can do this." He whispered, "You can jump, you have before."

I stand frozen, his velvet-soft voice enchanting... but I can't jump off the edge, knowing that it will be hard and painful in the end.

"Why won't you jump for me, Bella? You jumped with _him_. And I love you!"

Alice was standing in the forest, her hand outstretched, shouting happily, "You've been here before Bella, and you said yes then. You would have jumped. You'll be here again and again, I know. Jump now, before it's too late."

"Bella?" Edward murmured and I turned around to try to find him, desperately.

"Jacob? What are you doing here?" I found his eyes, brown and warm as he stood further back from the edge, stepping slowly backwards as he watched me.

"Please, Bella, don't jump. Don't choose him, and this life... I promised to look after you and I will. I will never hurt you, just come home."

"What...? Jake, I don't understand, help me!" I whispered, barely able to hear myself.

He shook his head, backing away faster, into the trees. "He will kill and poison you, if you jump. And every day after, you will be heartless. Come home, Bells, they don't know love."

Someone shook my arm and I turned to find Edward, pleading, gently leading me closer to the edge. "Bella? It's dinner time..."

I whipped around to find Jacob, but he was gone, just the sound of a wolf howling in the distance left behind. "No! Please... I don't want that." Edward was stroking my hand, not listening to my pleas.

My last thought was that Jacob was right, I would die now at the bottom of this cliff and it seemed Edward would enjoy it.

I didn't want to be dinner.

...

**Edward's POV**

"Jake... Help me! Please..." Bella was tangled in the sheets, twisting from side to side.

"Bella! What's wrong? Your heart is beating so fast... Shh..."

"No, please..." She muttered. She was so hot, too hot, I thought.

"Bella? Wake up. Shh..."

Her eyes fluttered and she threw an arm over her face. "Edward?" She groggily opened her eyes, though only her right eye was visible, due to the way she was lying.

"Bella, shh... it was just a dream. Are you alright? I was just coming to get you for dinner."

"Edward..." She moved her arm, looking up at me slowly and sighed.

"What happened?"

"There were so many trees and I was on a cliff, looking at them. But I didn't want to jump and then..." She sighed again and shook her head.

"Are you okay? You feel really warm."

Struggling to untangle her legs, she pulled her t-shirt straight and finally kicking free of the sheets and sat up. "I'm fine now. It was just a dream."

I wasn't so sure, given her racing heart and high temperature, but we were still on uncertain ground after my return and I didn't want to act as though we were... together. "Well, dinner is ready, Esme made you lasagne."

"Oh, great, I'll just get changed." She smiled and moved towards her dresser as I left, closing the door.

It had been like this on and off the last few days – we were awkward, over-formal and hesitant at times, and then at others it was like we'd always been together. I didn't know if we were making progress or if she would truly forgive me, or even if we were a couple, despite how many times we had said 'I love you' to each other.

I heard Bella sigh and pull on jeans and decided to wait for her downstairs.

"Is Bella alright, Edward?" Esme asked as she finished showing Carlisle how to grate cheese over the lasagne, both looking up in concern.

"Yes, she just had a bad dream." I frowned, overhearing their concerned thoughts. _I hope the room is alright_, Esme worried while Carlisle listened to Bella upstairs, checking her heart rate, which had returned to normal.

"Dinner time!" Esme called quietly in a sing-song voice, smiling to herself as the others wandered inside.

"Thank you for doing this, Esme, I hope it wasn't too much trouble..." Bella greeted as she came into the room. "Lasagne is one of my favourites." She grinned at Esme, at ease again. I smiled as I caught her eyes, remembering how quickly she'd eaten lasagne to get upstairs to me, when we'd first met and she knew I was waiting, and how she'd scolded her mouth.

"You're welcome, honey." Esme smiled, pleased, "I love cooking. It's so nice to feel needed."

"Actually, I have a favour to ask," Bella smiled shyly as she came to sit beside me, "My phone doesn't work across the country, could I borrow yours to make a few calls home after dinner?"

"Of course." Esme finished preparing the salad and handed Carlisle the plate to deliver to Bella.

"You'll have to tell us about your job, Bella," Carlisle asked, sitting on Bella's other side. Jasper sat directly opposite me, measuring everyone's mood while Alice babbled about clothes – the fact that he was also paying attention to her proved how much he adored her.

"I work at a book store, near Portland. It's just a little private shop, nothing exciting." She was happily eating and seemed to be starving.

...

**Bella's POV**

After dinner – where I'd been subject to a family inquisition, with only Edward staying quiet -everyone moved to the couches in the main room, more for my comfort than anything else, I suspected. Jasper sat beside me, smiling softly at Alice.

He glanced over, quietly asking, "Would you like some Tylenol?"

I laughed, surprised, "Oh, um, yes please."

"It's no trouble," He smiled and disappeared – literally – into the kitchen.

"Are you feeling alright?" Edward asked, obviously overhearing.

I bite my lip, "Yes, it's just a headache. I wasn't going to bother anyone, but Jasper noticed."

He returned my smile and nodded, turning back to discuss baseball with Emmett. Edward confounded me, so concerned and caring at times while seemingly uninterested at other times.

Jasper offered me a glass of milk and a pack of Tylenol and he sat down, smiling and glancing at his wife, who I noticed was scrutinizing me.

"What's up, Alice?" I laughed.

"Come shopping with me tomorrow, please?" She fluttered her eyelashes and smiled.

I glanced at Edward beside me, shrugging. I was here with him, after all.

"He's going back with you, let's have some girl time! Rosalie can come too! Jasper will carry our bags." She said with certainty, winking at him as he pouted.

"Alright, but not for the whole day..." I rolled my eyes as she bounced gleefully.

"Oh, this is going to be fantastic! We can get you some proper shoes," She glanced at my converse in disdain, "some dresses and a haircut. Oh, and a new phone, so you can text me. Yay!"

Edward and Jasper glanced up amused, but otherwise unwilling to save me. "Just remember she needs to eat," Edward smirked and Emmett's booming laugh filled the room.

"I've missed your facial expressions, little Bella." He swished her ponytail and started into a re-enactment of the face Rosalie had made when she found him in the woods with a bear cub in his lap and an angry mother bear waking up nearby.

"You should have seen his shirt," Alice shook her head mournfully; "It was Ralph Lauren too."

I laughed, leaning into Edward, content.

...

**Edward's POV**

Esme had also made chocolate mousse for Bella, and watched smugly as she ate it all, though there was enough to feed four. Bella had lost weight, I observed as she stretched and yawned beside me.

"What time is it in Forks?" She murmured; trying not to disturb the game of charades everyone was immersed in, despite the fact that they had vampire hearing.

I had been forced to judge, while Alice acted most things out, as we had an advantage.

"It's about 7pm." I smiled as she sat up and turned to Carlisle. Esme was in the middle of the room, trying to express the movie 'Jaws' through what seemed to be interpretive dance.

"Can I use the phone, Carlisle?" She asked softly.

"Sure, I'll show you where it is." He lead her to the gaming room on the other side of the kitchen, rather pointlessly as we could all still hear, "Are you feeling better?" He asked gently.

"Yes, the Tylenol did the trick."

"Probably best to take some more before bed, just in case. Won't be much need for it around here without you, anyway." He chuckled and explained how to use the phone for long distance calls, returning to the room just as Jasper guessed correctly and stood up to act out Breakfast at Tiffany's, Alice's choice.

Bella sighed and sat down on the couch in the gaming room, dialling a number. "Hi, Dad, how are you?"

Their conversation was brief, as was Jasper's turn – Alice always chooses Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Bella slowly started dialling, muttered incoherently and started over again, sighing to herself. I would bet that she was biting her lip. "Hello? Yes, it's me... This is going to sound crazy, but I had this dream and I couldn't get it out of my head... I know what you said, but I really wanted to tell you."

If I'd listened closer, I would have been able to hear what the person at the other end of the phone was saying, but I chose to block it out and not eavesdrop further than a human could...if they were standing outside the door. The thought was there.

"It's a draw." I replied to Alice.

Bella shifted around on the couch, sighing again. "I miss you, I guess and it's ridiculous, but I thought you'd never talk to me again." She laughed lightly, "Okay, well it was terrifying at the time but it's going to sound silly now. I just... You were telling me to not jump and I was on this cliff, but there were just trees and rocks at the bottom, not like La Push." She lowered her voice slightly, "And, uh... Edward and Alice were saying to jump; I think they were going to save me, maybe. Alice was waiting at the bottom. They kept saying that I used to jump and I would have done it before, that they loved me or something. It was really real..."

Now I was curious, and decided to eavesdrop on the whole conversation, not just Bella's side.

"Your subconscious might be telling you something, Bells." A man joked.

She laughed half-heartedly, "Then you left, even though I asked you to help me. You just said to come home but you ran off. It's ridiculous, isn't it? It makes it seem like I don't love them, or that I'm afraid of them or something. But I'm not, and I knew you'd always help me if I asked."

"Alternate universe, perhaps? Seriously Bells, don't stress out about it. You're away from home, somewhere unfamiliar and with people you haven't seen for years. Maybe it's just the surprise of his return, too. You had a long flight and you had a headache, it's not surprising you had a weird dream. You're coming home Monday, right?"

"Yes," Bella replied, "It's so nice here; I'm going to miss them, too."

"I know," He sighed dramatically, "Damn vamps getting in your head again. Tell the blood sucker that you have important, anti-vampire business Monday night."

Bella giggled quietly in response, "You can't coerce me."

"We're having a bon fire and there's a bet to see how many hot dogs Seth can eat, his records twelve."

"Eww..." Bella laughed, easily falling into conversation with him.

"We'll talk then, okay? You can always call, Bells." His voice was warm, kind, at odds with his werewolf status.

"Thanks, Jake, I'll come up to your place after work Monday. It was good to talk to you, again."

"Anytime." He murmurs as they hang up. Bella puts the phone back and stretches before slowly returning to my side.

"What is it?" She whispers to me as Rosalie stands perfectly still in front of us, moving only her eyes.

I mouth 'Mona Lisa' to her and she smiles. She's happy after her conversation, though her dream now bothers me.

After five more minutes of this, Bella stands up exasperated, "Mona Lisa!"

"Edward helped you; he's not allowed to guess." Alice claims, giggling.

"What do you say, Judge?" Bella turns to me. Esme, Carlisle and Rosalie pleading silently.

"Bella guessed, I don't see the problem." I smirk at Alice, "Over-ruled."

Alice pokes her tongue out and Bella stands in the middle of the room, thinking.

"Not this again!" Emmett sighs.

"Shh... I'm still deciding!" Bella tells him. "Okay, Okay, I've got it."

She holds up three fingers and Carlisle calls out, "Three words!"

She nods and holds up one finger and everyone replies, "First word."

She puts food in her mouth with an invisible fork and cups her other hand, shovelling more invisible food into her mouth and chewing animatedly.

"Food?" Esme asks.

Bella shakes her head, smiling.

"Eating?" Emmett asks and she makes a 'kind of' gesture in the air. "Eat?"

She nods enthusiastically and holds up two fingers, kneeling on the ground and pressing her hands together as she looks towards the roof.

"Pray?" Rosalie asks.

Bella nods and stands as Jasper shouts, "Eat. Pray. Love?" Looking a little embarrassed to know the answer: but still smug.

"Yes!"

Everyone claps and Alice complains that it was too easy, as she's appointed herself the trouble-maker.

The game continues and Bella leans lightly against my shoulder, subtly breathing in my scent when she thinks I won't notice. She's quieter as we move on to the next game, likely tired.

_I think it might be bedtime for Bella,_ Carlisle's thoughts are as warm and caring as his words, _give her some more Tylenol_.

"Bella," I murmur, "do you want to go to bed?"

"Yes, thanks." She smiles lightly.

"Well, goodnight everyone." I stand, taking her warm hand.

"Sleep well, Bella." Esme murmurs, standing to get Bella a glass of water to take with her.

"I can't wait for tomorrow!" Alice pulls her into a hug, delighted with her shopping plans, finally shopping for a reason.

**Bella's POV**

Edward leaves the room so I can change, returning as I sleepily climb into bed. He smiles at me, holding out a glass of water and the Tylenol box. He's beautiful, his hair eternally messed up and hanging in his amber eyes.

"Thanks," I take the Tylenol quickly and he sits tentatively on the other side of the bed.

"Carlisle suggested it," He shrugs.

I nod, smiling the huge Edward-is-back! grin that I've been suppressing. He smiles back, looking thoughtful.

"What is it?" I murmur.

"I'm... confused." He admitted quietly.

"About what?"

"Us. I know it's my fault, but I came back and we went back to being a couple and I still feel like you're not always with me. You've changed and I would like to get to know this new Bella and have her genuinely fall in love with me, not just with memories."

"I do love _you_. It's been a crazy week and I'm adjusting, that's all. I never know if I'm going to laugh or cry; I'm so overwhelmed with everything. I don't blame you; it's just going to take time to get used to having you back. If you want to get to know me _again_, then okay." I smile encouragingly at him. Edward makes me think he'll never leave, then a second later that I'm about to lose him. I'm paranoid, but it feels like anything could tip the balance and he could be gone again and I'd be broken again.

"I wish I could read your mind." He sighed, smiling slightly. "Will you tell me what you're thinking, please?"

"Nothing much, just that I love having you back."

**Edward's POV**

I missed when I knew everything about her – what happened in her day, what shampoo she used, what she thought about everything. I'd been able to predict what she was thinking, didn't have to have this frustration of knowing she's been thinking something else that she wasn't going to share. Now I could guess her shampoo was some kind of flower, but I didn't know if it was jasmine or gardenia. I didn't have any idea what she thought about when she stared into space or how many sugars she wanted in her coffee, even such an insignificant thing about her.

"I love being able to see you, talk to you, again." I replied. _I just want you to tell me your secrets, confide in me, and let me comfort you, like Jacob Black does_.

"Don't leave again, okay?"

"Never."

"So you'll stay with me tonight...?" She looked nervous, as though one of my family members would burst in and tell her it wasn't allowed.

"Yes, of course." I was reminded of her dream and how she'd explained it to Jacob, her _best_ friend. I'd been constantly deconstructing it since and decided to get up to close the curtains, just in case. It did sound like she'd been dreaming about the view out the window.

Returning, I leaned down to kiss her good night. Her hands went to my hair, pulling me ever closer so that I had to lie down next to her to get as close as she wanted. Oh, she'd missed me. Her mouth was relentless and desperate, like she'd been deprived of something essential. I pulled back to let her breathe, though she resisted.

"Breathe, Bella." I commanded, though I wasn't in control, either. I just didn't need oxygen like she did. "You've got to sleep, you're exhausted, remember?" I smirked. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes bright, always so alive.

She laughed lightly, "I suppose so."

I smiled and started humming a variation of her lullaby that I'd been thinking of playing and leaned on my elbow watching her as she closed her eyes.

"I can still tell you're staring at me, you know." She said, amused, but didn't open her eyes.

I laughed and rolled over to stare at the ceiling as I sung her to sleep, her hand somehow ending up in mine. At least in sleep, I could hear her thoughts, though they rarely made sense.

It took hours – that shouldn't have felt so long for an immortal – for her to talk.

"Edward..." She sighed, curling towards me. "Yes... Forever..." She frowned slightly."Mine." Her hand reached out to me and I held onto it, hoping she was having a good dream.

"Yes, Bella, I'm yours."

"Yes... Mmm... Yours..." She continued like this, not really saying much besides my name. While it didn't reveal all her secrets, I knew she was safe and happy as I watched her and eventually, the sun rose, ending our time together as my energetic sister bounced into the room to pick out Bella's outfit quietly. I motioned for her to not wake Bella and she silently went though the drawer of Bella's things, choosing clothes and folding them neatly in the bathroom, leaving without waking Bella, though I was subjected to her thoughts on Bella's clothes.

Poor Bella, she'd have to put up with Alice for the day. At least Jasper was going to distract Alice when she got overbearing.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: This story would not make sense without my beta, foxyvictorianagurl, who is fantabulous. Thank you. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter; I certainly enjoyed writing it and hearing what you thought of the last chapter, so thanks for the reviews!

* * *

Chapter 7 

**Bella's POV**

"Your husband is out there!"

"He won't look, and besides, he's outside the store. It's not like he has x-ray vision." Alice sighed dramatically.

Blushing, I bit my lip. The floor length mirror in the change room was revealing enough, I didn't need Rosalie and Alice judging me. She'd bullied me into trying on the blue satin and black lace corset set, which didn't look awful, but I was not going out there. I was an adult, she couldn't make me.

"Bella! Come on... Just open the door a little!" She called, banging softly on the door.

"No, I'm good..." I replied, leaning against the opposite wall. Shopping with Alice was... tiring. With Rosalie as well, it was completely exhausting. _At least Jasper was there to give me sympathetic smiles and agree with his wife on everything_, I rolled my eyes at the thought.

"If you let me get it for you, then I'll go away, deal?" Alice persisted.

"Fine." I muttered, quickly taking it off pulling my clothes back on. Alice wasn't going to be seeing me in this anytime soon, if ever, she certainly couldn't prove I wasn't wearing it. When I came out Alice smirked and went to pay for the corset and I noticed Jasper was holding more bags. Suspiciously, every time I was in the changing room, Jasper ended up with more of Alice's shopping. I was nearly positive that she was having me try on one or two things to get my size for that brand and then just buying everything else she wanted me to wear in secret.

I glared at Jasper as he gave me another small smile, standing beside him to wait. "Where's Rosalie?"

"She went to get you some lunch."

"Oh." That was very nice of her. I had to give her credit; she seemed to be feeling a lot more kindly toward me since my return. Sometimes I wondered if I had remembered her open dislike of me incorrectly.

"We're very grateful you brought Edward back." Jasper smiled.

"So grateful that you'd like to drive me home before Alice comes back?"

Jasper chuckled as Alice handed him the bag, giving me a mock glare. "We need to get you some new makeup, where did you get that lip gloss, Wal-Mart?"

...

After I'd eaten and Alice had picked out a horrifying amount of new make up for me, I was pulled into a classy hair salon with chandeliers and black leather chaise lounges. Alice directed the hairdresser, a petite woman with a blonde bob who immediately figured out the hierarchy and didn't consult me on anything. I sighed and met Rosalie's eyes in the mirror. Jasper was putting shopping in the car and Alice was deep in conversation over a colour chart.

"I hope she doesn't do anything crazy..." I cringed.

"Don't worry; she's just stuck between the twenty different shades of honey and caramel available. She loves your hair; she won't change it much." Rosalie smiled.

I gave her a speculative look. She may be being nice now, but I wasn't sure I trusted her not to work with Alice.

She laughed, "I promise. She wants to shorten these layers to frame your face," Rosalie spun her chair to face me and softly tugged the hair closest to my face. "Then she's going to get some highlights put in. That's all."

"I guess that's not too bad," I smiled, turning to her. "You're sure?"

"Yes, I was listening in on their conversation." She tapped her ear.

"Thanks."

She shook her head, still smiling warmly, "Thank you, for bringing my family back together. I see now, that Edward... well, that you two should be together. I'm not saying you should end your life for him... but I see what you have is important, too." She sighed, "I'm sorry he left you, too. It must seem rather hard to believe, now that you're back."

"Yes. But at the same time, I missed him. All of you. It's so good to be back."

She nodded, "Life wasn't the same without the two of you. Ready for your make over?" She gestured behind me, where the blonde and Alice had returned. Alice fell gracefully into the chair on my other side.

"I don't know how you lived without me... it mustn't have been very stylish." She smiled.

"Can we go home after this?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes. Edward will come get you if we keep you too long. He keeps texting to make sure _we_ didn't skip lunch." She glanced at the blonde, "Honestly, if he has so little trust in me, why doesn't he just ask you himself?"

"I don't think he has my number, I changed it last year..."

Alice had forced me to get a new phone earlier, being the insistent, overbearing vampire she was. I'd argued that they should let me pay for it, or the plan it was on, but Alice had shaken her head, grabbed my hand and lead me out of the store saying, "Your one of us, we look after our own." Jasper had finished with the sales consultant and followed us, adding, "Besides, Edward would only pay for it himself if he found out." This pattern continued as we shopped, to the point where I'd only payed for a pair of converse Alice had disapproved of, and promised to return to the store while I slept.

"Well, I'll give him your new one. Actually, Jasper can set it up for you while you get your hair done. It's a new number, which is annoying, but they couldn't change your old number over." She rolled her eyes.

An hour and a half later, my hair in huge rollers, Jasper handed me my new phone. It was a touch and would allow me to text them from Forks.

Looking through the phone, I found all my old contacts and photos stored, as well as all the Cullen's contact information and pictures. My background was a picture of me, hair half in rollers, smiling and talking to Rosalie, with Alice leaning into the picture on my other side, posing. Sneaky vampires. How he'd managed to get contact photos of each of them was beyond me, but I was grateful I already had a picture of Edward on there.

"Thanks, Jasper. This is great." I smiled.

"I picked the case!" Alice added, pointing out the glitter covered case, which sparkled blue and green in the light as I turned it over, but appeared black when the light wasn't hitting it.

"It's actually really pretty, thanks Alice."

"Of course it's pretty!" She laughed. "Check your messages." She was grinning mischievously. I opened my text inbox to find a text from Alice:

_Tell Edward I'm not torturing you! :(  
Ps. I love your hair x_

The next text was from Edward – my breath caught as I opened it, my heart racing immediately.

_Hope you're having fun... Alice promised to bring you home within the hour.  
I love you_

I grinned and quickly replied:

_So much shopping... I think she sneakily bought me 3 new wardrobes! And Jasper and Rose are helping her with her secret plans. How are you?  
I love you too, forever  
Ps. Please guard my shoes while I sleep?_

The blonde returned and carefully took out all the rollers, smiling politely when her eyes met mine in the mirror. My hair was slightly shorter, softly curled and framing my face. The highlights were only a shade lighter than my hair, bringing out the natural golden hints in it. It was beautiful and not over the top at all.

"Wow, Alice." I murmured, smiling.

"I know... my work is perfect." She gave me a smug smile and went back to flipping through a magazine.

"It's very Hollywood. You look gorgeous." Rosalie added, just as my phone chimed, startling me.

"I can help you change the ringtones, if you like." Jasper mentioned.

"Thanks, Jasper, on the drive home?"

"Alright." He smiled slightly.

And I opened the message:

_I'll always guard your shoes for you, but may I ask why?  
My sister is a force to be reckoned with, don't blame Jasper :)  
I'm missing you, Emmett and Carlisle have been showing me some of the sights  
Esme would like to know if you want Chinese for dinner, and if so, what your favourite is? She's ordering out rather than risking Emmett's cooking.  
Loving you_

I smiled and quickly replied as the blonde finished my hair. Once in the car, Jasper sitting beside me in the back, we went through an entirely too long list of ringtones, setting some personal contact ringtones and downloading a song I liked for my general ringtone. Jasper's fingers deftly moved over the screen, displaying a technological knowledge I lacked.

I'd barely undone my seatbelt when my door was opened and Edward grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the car and into his arms. He buried his face in my hair, inhaling against my neck. "I missed you."

"Me too," I murmured, conscious of Jasper and Alice getting the shopping out of the back and taking it inside at super speed.

Edward pulled back, smiling crookedly, "You look beautiful, your hair smells like vanilla."

I nodded, "Alice chose the hairstyle."

"You look lovely, sweetheart," Esme said, coming to stand beside me. "You might have trouble getting that much luggage on the plane though."

Edward chuckled, "We can always get it shipped over."

Alice bounced over, "Can I visit you in Forks?"

"Sure." I smiled back at her, loving having my best friend back even if she did torture me.

"Dinner should be here soon, you've got to get to the airport by 8.30, so you've got time to pack." Esme said, motioning us inside.

"I'll pack for you!" Alice volunteered, bouncing up the stairs.

"Alice..." I sighed, watching her disappear. "You better pack all the clothes I brought with me, as well!" I called.

"Go help her; I'll call you when the food arrives." Esme grinned, rolling her eyes.

Edward smiled, pulling me into his arms and running up the stairs unbelievably fast. He set me down in the door way to my room and my jaw dropped. The bed was covered in clothes and the floor surrounding it was a maze of shopping bags.

"Alice!" I hissed at her, glaring as she unzipped my suitcase, all big, innocent eyes.

Edward's fingers combed through the ends of my hair gently, "You'll definitely need to ship some of this, Alice. And write a note to Charlie explaining why he needs a new house to fit it all in."

She pouted, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the room. "What do you want to take on the plane?"

"I didn't even see most of this stuff," I picked up a silk mini dress with spaghetti straps and looked up at her dubiously.

"It'll look great. And I did get you clothes you like to wear too!" She pulled out a couple of pairs of designer jeans and held them up in front of her as shields.

I shook my head, "You are crazy, Alice."

She smiled; unrepentant and knowing she was forgiven. "I'll let you pick what to take with you..."

"Fine." I sighed and walked over, making space on the bed to sit down. She held up items and I told her whether I wanted to pack them or have them shipped, though I tried to protest and get a few things returned. Once enough space was cleared, Edward came and sat behind me, softly massaging my shoulders.

As Alice picked up a Victoria Secret bag and I shook my head, "Nothing from Victoria Secret." Edward looked slightly disappointed, making me smile. She sighed and put three – three! – bags aside.

Alice had bought me things I would wear, mostly a number of t-shirts and cute blouses. But she'd also bought me about a hundred skirts and dresses.

"You do know it rains nearly constantly in Forks? And it's cold all year round?" I asked, unable to refrain any longer.

She pouted and Edward interrupted, "Of course you can keep the mini dresses here for when you visit, since it's warmer. Then you won't have to pack."

I sighed, nodding. "Could you please just ship the dresses that are a reasonable length, Alice?"

She frowned, "But Bella... You have great legs. You better visit often."

Edward laughed, "You haven't already booked flights for her?"

She pouted and punched his arm, almost too fast for me to catch, "No, Bella's an adult, she has a schedule to work around."

"I'll visit as soon as I can." I agreed, smiling.

Softly knocking at the door, Esme walked in, "Oh, my, this is a mess."

"Don't worry; Alice has a system going on," Edward smiled "there_ is_ method to this madness."

"Make sure Bella's bags are packed in time." She raised an eyebrow at Alice. "Bella, the Chinese has finally arrived, Carlisle is setting it up in the dining room."

"Thanks," I stood up, shaking my head at the dress Alice held up. "Don't pack anything like that."

"You're welcome," Esme smiled, leading Edward and I out of the room.

**Edward's POV**

Esme pulled me into a tight embrace, "Come home soon, Edward."

"I will." I kissed her cheek lightly and pulled back, moving to Carlisle. Emmett was spinning Bella around in a circle, much to her protests. Jasper gently pulled her away and into Alice's arms, saving her from stumbling dizzily.

"Don't forget what we talked about, if you cannot live without her..." Carlisle murmured.

"Carlisle," I sighed, frustrated more with the situation than his advice. They couldn't comprehend that I would be losing her if I changed her.

"I understand, but I don't want to see you in ninety years, without her. I do not want Bella to feel out of place when she is forty years older than any of us, or to have to deal with the rumours. Do you want to have to ask her to tell people you are her son, or grandson, so that our cover won't be blown?" He spoke at a pace and volume that would be hard for the others to catch, even for Esme who was standing beside us.

I shook my head, "I would never make her do that. We'll work it out when the time comes."

He smiled sadly, "You cannot decide on your own, Edward. Come, visit often, your mother worries. Call if you need anything." He slapped my back lightly, thinking_, it is so strange when you are not here, after all the years we have __been__ together, even before Esme_.

"I'll be home soon enough; we just need to work out... us." I tilted my head toward Bella, sighing. I wrapped my arm around her as she came to stand beside me. "Ready to go?"

"Yes. Thank you for everything, I know the visit was a surprise." She smiled at Carlisle.

We got on the plane just before midnight; luckily we were in first class so Bella could lie down and sleep. I woke her as we landed and she was asleep again as soon as we were in the Volvo. I carried her into my old bedroom, laying her on the barely-used bed and sitting beside her.

She rolled over, blinking sleepily, "Edward?"

"I'm here." Brushing her hair off her face, I took the hand she was reaching out with. "Mmm... where are we? It's soft..." She sighed and buried her face in the pillows.

"My place, I didn't want to disturb Charlie at this time of night. Go back to sleep, I'll make sure you get to work on time." I quietly replied, then hummed a new version of her lullaby until she was deeply asleep. "Oh, Bella... I love you to the point of insanity." I whispered, snuggling closer to her as she rolled over so that her head rested on my chest.

While she slept I ran my fingers through the silk of her hair, drew patterns on her shoulder blades and thought of a million things that I didn't want to think about. Tonight, my talk with Carlisle echoed in my mind. He'd taken Emmett and I for a run into the vast stretch of the mountain ranges, laughed when Emmett threw pebbles at a bear and moved before it could see him and subtly lead me out of Emmett's hearing range.

"Edward, I'm concerned about you. And Bella. You have a lot of things you need to work out, if you want to move forward." He'd started, compassion in every word.

Before Bella, he'd never talked to me as though he were my father, with advice to give. We'd been near equals. I knew it was only because he wanted everything to work out, but it was irritating. Still, I trusted him. "It's so fragile, what we have. She didn't tell me about her dream, but she calls up her werewolf friend and tells him all the details? I wish I'd never left her, but I had to protect her."

"You don't even realize how you much you look after her, how unconsciously you stop her from getting hurt in any way. She must know how you love her, and I know she understands how that led you to leave her. You take her hand just as she's about to trip and save her or you pull her against your side when Rosalie and Alice forget to explain their stories and she gets excluded. You just need to believe in the strength of your relationship. If you don't, then how will Bella know that you want to be there?" He calmly explained, leaning against a boulder.

"You're a romantic," I shook my head. "How do you know she wants me back? I do not doubt that she loves me. But it really would be sensible of her to guard against getting hurt again; to reject our connection. She won't, she's still irrational and completely unconcerned with her own safety, but she'll worry about having to feel that pain again, always. How can I convince her? How do I even fit myself into this life she's made? Do I sit around doing nothing all day, waiting for her to get home from work or college, stealing all her time so she doesn't get to see her friends, dragging her up here to visit my family when she has free time?"

He sighed, "Of course not, you should get a job near her until she finishes college... then perhaps..." He paused, "Until your relationship has moved passed this and you can discuss the future."

"I just don't know what to do." I ran my hands through my hair roughly, pulling my head down.

"You need to be patient. Ask Bella what she wants. I believe, someday, she will again ask you to change her. Then, you will need to think it over and most likely realize that it's the best decision. Forever is a very long time to be left alone for, even if Bella has no problem with your refusal. However, we both know it will hurt her, that you don't want to spend eternity with her. That she won't think she's pretty enough for you when she's fifty. Someday, she might even look at you and be disgusted with herself for kissing a seventeen-year-old. Society will ridicule her."

"Bella," I growled at him, "will be fine. She's strong."

He shook his head, "You know what I'm saying is true, and that Alice has yet to show you that because inevitably, Bella will be one of us. There is no other future. One of us will give in, unable to take your suffering or her pleading. You will change her, because you cannot bear to let her die."

"Carlisle, we've been over this, years ago. Mind your own business." I sighed, frustrated.

"Alright, that's in the future. Right now, you need to worry about how you'll integrate yourself into her life when by the sounds of it; she spends the majority of her time with her friends, who are werewolves." Amusement flickered in his warm topaz eyes.

"How upset would you be if I broke the treaty? Jacob Black is already getting on my nerves." I replied, shaking my head at his laughter and letting him mess up my hair affectionately.

...

Bella had dreamed about Jacob Black, told him of her nightmares and rebuilt motor bikes with him. Really, had he met her? Was he blind? She couldn't walk straight and he was letting her on a bike. I sighed. The thought of destroying his eyes amused me briefly, _a blind werewolf_, what an idea.

"Love you..." Bella muttered in her sleep, curling further on top of me, her legs wrapped over mine and her cheek against my stomach.

I smiled, brushing her hair of her face and letting it fan out behind her.

"Oh... Edward..." She sighed, clutching my t-shirt into her fist as her hand rested beside her cheek.

"I love you too, Isabella." I kissed the top of her head and then remained still for several long minutes, fearing I'd disturbed her.

"Mmm..." She rolled further on top of me, breathing deeply. As the hours passed, she stayed quiet and lying as she was, curled into me.

It became a form of slow, exquisite torture – wanting her, as any man would and never doing anything that could hurt her. I was torn between admiring the way her t-shirt clung to her and blocking it out completely. She'd grown so beautiful; though she was still naive and reckless, her strength was still there and she'd come into herself with a quiet confidence. Whether that was Jacob Black's work or not, I still admired this woman who had stolen my heart as a girl and melted it with her every heart beat.

"I love you, Bella, never forget that. It's the most important thing to me, loving you." I whispered against her hair, settling down to watch the sky slowly change to daylight.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thanks, over and over again, to my beta. They story wouldn't be nearly as coherent without her :) Enjoy this chapter.

* * *

Chapter 8 -

**Bella's POV**

Sighing, I catalogued yet another copy of the latest Stephen King novel and looked up at Edward. He was just visible in the back room, experimenting with making me a latte and looking adorably frustrated. I looked down at my new phone, waiting for Alice to reply to a text I'd sent her about visiting dates. I needed to give out my new phone number to everyone... Jacob was going to call. And I didn't have my old phone.

"Edward, do you mind if I make a call?" I asked guiltily, his family was paying for the phone and I had noticed that they weren't exactly fond of the werewolves... It just seemed unfair to use their money to contact the pack.

"Go ahead; I can go for a walk if you want some privacy..." He leaned against the door frame, looking unsure.

"No, it's fine. Just keep doing what you're doing." I smiled, picking up my phone.

He nodded and disappeared into the backroom.

"Hello?" Jake answered warily when I called him.

"Hey, it's Bella, I just got a new number and I knew you were planning to call today." I replied.

"Bells! I tried to call before but that explains it. How was your flight?" His voice softened, became the familiar warmth I'd depended on hearing every day for a year.

"Good, I think, I slept through it. Is the bonfire still on tonight?" I lowered my voice, aware I hadn't mentioned it to Edward.

"Yep, are you driving up?"

"Yeah, I'll meet you at your place after work. I'll just run home and get changed first."

"Seth's looking forward to seeing you..." He laughed.

"He's so young, shouldn't he be, um, interested in girls his own age?" I laughed lightly and shook my head.

"He just turned sixteen; I was sixteen when we met."

I sighed, "But I'm turning twenty in a few months, and you're nineteen, it's different."

"As opposed to your boyfriend, only a decade or eight difference in _your _ages. I see why four years is a big deal for you." He teased.

I laughed, "Jake..."

"But you and me, baby, we're the same age." He joked, laughing.

"What did I tell you about calling me baby? I'm older than you, technically." I laughed again.

"And I said that it didn't matter, because in life experiences, I'm older than you. My superior mechanical knowledge and wolfiness gives me a few extra years."

"You can't just leave out the fact that I won this argument the first four times!"

"Just because you jumped off La Push in the rain to win the last argument doesn't mean anything; you caught a cold that didn't go away for weeks." I knew he was grinning and wanted to poke my tongue out at him in reply, he brought out the child in me.

"I'm just thankful that I gave you that cold, you deserved it." I said to his laugh. "I have to get back to work, but I'll see you tonight."

"Is the vamp going to hassle you about it?" He asked.

"No. He's okay, you know, you should give him a chance."

He laughed, "Not likely, Bells, I'll leave the vamps to you. You don't need to bring anything tonight; Sue cooked too much for Leah's party and she donated the leftovers to the pack meet."

"Alright, see you then." I put down the phone, glancing towards the back room where Edward was still out of sight.

"How's the latte going?" I called cautiously.

"I may have to start over; I think I failed this one. And the three before." He chuckled.

The rest of the day continued in a pattern of working myself up to telling Edward about going to the bonfire and being interrupted – by the phone, or a delivery, once it was even by a text from Edward that had been delayed by a technological error. The universe was against hearing my explanation... which was fine with me because I hadn't worked out what it would be, yet. Obviously, he must have overhead my conversation with Jacob, so I couldn't just slip off to a werewolf bonfire in secret. I sighed as I packed up my things for the day, knowing it had to be soon.

**Edward's POV**

I was patient, but there was her being anxious of my reaction, and then there was deception. Of course, I was not going to let her go to have dinner with a pack of wolves, under any circumstances. It was beyond dangerous; stupidity at its finest. As I opened Bella's car door for her I gave in to my frustration.

"Bella," I started, tapping my hands lightly on the hood of the car.

"Yes?" She looked up, startled.

"I heard your conversation with Jacob."

"Oh," She bit her lip, staring at me with her big, brown Bella eyes. "I was going to mention that. There's a bonfire tonight and I'm going, like I always do." She bit her lip again, harder this time, like she hadn't meant to be so blunt.

"I understand that you have your own life. I respect that, and your right to free will and independence. But I can't let you go into a situation that is such a serious threat to your wellbeing. Please, don't go. I can't bear to sit here while you could be getting hurt by _them_. And I'd be helpless, unable to cross onto their lands without starting a war." I paused, reconsidering every angle with vampiric speed. "But for you, Bella? I'd cross onto their land and rip out the throat of any werewolf who dared hurt you."

"Edward, I've been to a hundred of these bonfires. I'm not going to be the only human there, and regardless, Jake will protect me. You can't cage me; I need to live my life. They're my family." She stated stubbornly.

"You can live your life, here in Forks! You don't need to go out there." I never wanted to cage her, but this was different.

"Edward!" She threw her hands up, stomping towards the door. I easily caught up with her and steadied her when she slid on the damp grass, making her glare over her shoulder. "You are so ridiculous! I may love having you back, but it was a lot easier without you around. You can say I can go tonight, or you can say it's too dangerous. It doesn't matter. I'm going to go either way. Don't try to stop me. I'm a woman who can make her own decisions; I don't need some man to tell me when I can go see my friends."

She opened the door and strode into the kitchen, hips swaying. I watched her from the door frame as she made a couple of roast beef sandwiches for Charlie's dinner and then leaned against the counter facing me, glass of ice water in hand.

"Bella, don't..." I sighed, seeing the disappointment in her expression. "I can't stop you from going, you're right. It would be unfair of me to do so, and very un-gentlemanly. Have we really changed so much that we fight?"

She took a sip of her water, trying to compose herself, I assume. "No, it's not that we've changed. We've just never differed so completely in our opinion of something or someone. Your mortal enemy is my best friend. I love you more than anything, and I would do anything for you. But it's killing me, because if you really couldn't cope with me seeing Jacob, then I wouldn't. And I don't want to stop seeing him, talking to him."

"Please, be safe, and let me drive with you and meet you at the treaty line after." I sighed.

She slowly walked towards me, "As long as you promise you will go home and not wait there the whole time."

I nodded, "I should check in with my family and clean up the house a little, anyway."

Softly her arms came around my waist, her head against my chest. Instinctively I wrapped my arms around her and curved myself to her body. "I'll love you, forever, you know. Even if we fight. Even if you say I can't go to bonfires."

I grinned down at her, "And I'll love you, forever, even if you make me pull my hair out."

"No, don't, I love your hair." She murmured, twisting her hands in the back of my hair as she rose on tiptoes. Her lips brushed mine briefly, a smile tugging them upwards. "I'm late; I'll run up and change."

"I'll wait here." I waved her off and opened the fridge door, mentally making notes of what Bella liked to eat so I could stock my place in the same way.

I could hear Bella humming to herself upstairs as she searched through her bags. After she'd chosen and dressed I heard her sigh. Then picking up her hair brush she made tortured noises, finally throwing the brush on the bed. I smiled to myself, loving how open she could be with her thoughts. At times, I amended.

She spent ten minutes picking up and putting down objects on her dresser – or throwing them across the room – sighing and cursing softly in between.

"Edward?" She called finally, "Could you please come up here for a second?"

Before she'd finished asking I knocked on her door, pushing it open. "Yes?" I said with a grin.

"Could you please take a picture of this outfit for Alice? She keeps texting me to send her proof I'm wearing the things she bought me."

I nodded, picking up her phone. She was wearing skinny jeans that were just on the right side of indecently tight with a silk tank top and a soft cardigan. I ran my hand down her arm gently, "What is this made of?"

"Cashmere." She smiled.

"It's really soft. You look beautiful, as you always do, but the outfit suits you. Have some faith in my sister." I chuckled, walking backwards to get a full shot of her.

She was wearing a light pink lip gloss and had her eyes done up with something smoky and gold and I couldn't help but love my sister. Bella didn't need the make up to be gorgeous, but with it, she was absolutely stunning.

"I may regret this, but can you drive to the border so I can put on my shoes? Without getting me a speeding ticket?" Bella asked, grinning and grabbing her converse and running down the stairs.

"Of course, I would know if an officer of the law was nearby." I agreed.

"I don't doubt your skills, just your driving." She laughed, throwing me the keys to her truck.

**Bella's POV**

The car ride was tense. We made small talk, but I could tell he didn't want to be driving towards La Push. He pulled off the road at a seemingly random point, sighing.

"The treaty line is just up ahead," He pointed at a tree fifty metres further down the road. "So I have to leave you. What time will you be done?"

"These things usually don't go past midnight, because almost everyone has school or college in the morning, but I leave early. So how about ten-thirty?"

"I'll be right here waiting then." He gave me a small smile. "Don't let me hold you up, you're already late."

"Well, after that driving, not so much." I grinned, leaning over the console.

He inhaled, brushing my hair behind my hair, drawing me closer. He brushed his lips against mine again and again, finally wrapping his hand around the back of my neck and gently tugging me forward. By the time he allowed me to breathe again I was light-headed. Well! I guess he'd missed me more than he'd let on up to this point. Things hadn't been very intense between us since his return, but this was... wow.

"Edward," I wrapped my arms around his neck. God, he smelled delicious. I wanted to bury my face against his neck and never move. I didn't want to leave this car, couldn't remember the importance of being on time.

"Bella," He replied in a soft growl. "You need to get to your friend's house. Before you make yourself late." Reluctantly he pulled away, smiling ever so slightly. "As much as I'd like to keep you."

"Are you sure you don't want to try that again?" I asked, returning his small smile.

"Don't tempt me. Jacob is waiting." He opened the car door, turning back to me. "I love you, always and forever. I'll be here at half-past ten."

"I love you too. Don't stay here; go do something."

"I will. I've got to call Alice." He kissed my forehead and slid out of the car.

Sighing, I climbed over into the driver's seat. I saw him waiting at the side of the road, watching, in the rear-view mirror until I turned off onto a different road.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: This chapter (and idea) has been slaved over and, hopefully, written into submission. Of course none of this would be possible without _foxyvictorianagurl _– my fantabulous beta. She edits and inspires without complaining about my numerous questions and concerns, or my continual disorganization.

Chapter 9

**Bella's POV**

Jacob was in the garage when I arrived, his shirt smeared with grease.

"Hey Jake," I smiled, taking in the familiar scenery before being tackled into a bear hug.

"Bells, welcome back," He grinned, leaning down to sniff my hair, "You stink like a vamp."

I laughed, "Thanks for that. Are we still going to the bonfire or are we staying here to... do whatever it is you're doing?" I glanced around at the assortment of seemingly random parts. To Jacob, however, they were probably categorized and easy to find.

"I'm just messing around with Embry's car. We have to wait for Seth; he's going to come with us to the bonfire." He replied, taking a step back and wiping his hands on his shorts. The pack usually came in smaller groups and switched whose car they travelled in at the end of the night depending on their plans. Usually, I was the only one going home early and not heading to a different get together.

"Embry let you near his baby? He has more faith in you than I do." I teased.

"Who rebuilt your truck and your bike?" He returned, eyes scanning from my converse to my hair and back down more slowly. "You look good. Really good, Bells."

Blushing, I shook my head, "I just got a haircut and Alice bought me some new clothes."

He smiled softly, "You're beautiful, but it's probably best if we get out of here before you get oil and dirt all over you. Come on, I should change. How are you and that leech doing? Has he tried to kill you yet?"

"Jake..." I reprimanded. "He's not like that, he won't try to kill me or change me."

"I'm kidding, really." He held up his hands in surrender, looking back at me with a grin. "How are you, though?"

"Pretty good, it's been really great having them back. Alice especially, and of course Edward. He's just... so different and yet, exactly the same. You know, he would never have let me come tonight before, but now." I shook my head, still a little stunned.

"I know you love them and you missed them, I just don't see how they can come back like that. I don't get how that can be a good thing." He shrugged, searching for a clean t-shirt. "He hurt you, doesn't that count at all?"

"I know, Jake." I said quietly, sitting down on the un-made bed. "But it doesn't hurt now. They came back and that's what counts. He apologized. He feels so guilty it kills him. It's in the past now."

"Okay, you know I support you, Bells. I have to say this. Just this one time. It's a stupid decision, getting back with him. He'll only hurt you again and again. He's a vampire, what future can he offer you?" He looked up at me, "You don't have to answer, but I couldn't let you chose him and never say anything."

"I get it, Jake, he's your mortal enemy and he hurt me. Thank you for caring about me, you know I love you too." I smiled, slightly upset by the overall negative reaction to me getting back together with Edward. At least Jake, unlike Charlie, knew the real reason he felt he had to leave. I'd hoped he might understand, but so far everyone in Forks was against our relationship.

He pulled off his t-shirt, pulling on a new one as we heard Seth knock. All of us piled into my truck and made our way to a low peak over the beach, surrounded by deep green trees. The fire blazing cast eerie shadows from the trees, leading out to the pitch black of the forest and the sea. The inner circle surrounding the fire was warm and bright, a safe bubble in the middle of a nightmare. Well, for us humans. The wolves could see everything, hear every creature.

**Edward's POV**

Sighing, I turned away once the sound of her engine cut off a mile away. Within minutes I was back at Bella's, sliding into the Volvo and driving to the grocery store next to Newman's camping store. I started browsing, pushing a trolley with one hand and dialling Alice's number with the other.

"Hey, Edward," She greeted cheerfully as she slammed her door in Emmett's face, laughing at his cursing. "Took you long enough, I said to call when you got back."

"I texted you, all day." I rolled my eyes and dropped a box of lucky charms in the trolley, "This was the first chance I had to call you. Bella's with her friends."

"Aw, so you were feeling lonely and decided to call your sister. Am I not worth a proper call, when you have better things to do but put them off for me?" She laughed.

"I do have better things to do, actually. I'm shopping right now."

"Shopping? Where?" She immediately focused on her key word with interest.

"Grocery shopping, so Bella has things to eat at the house." I sighed, smiling to myself.

"Oh, well... if you have any other shopping, I can help. I booked a flight for Friday night so I could visit on the weekend. I figured Bella would have some free time then."

"That was very considerate," I said with a chuckle, "I'm sure she'll make time for you. If she's working you can always hang around the book store, it's not very busy there."

"How is she? Both of you?"

"Bella's good, she's wearing an outfit you got her to the pack bonfire. She said she'd send you a photograph as proof. We had a disagreement about the bonfire; with werewolves being so volatile it is a serious danger but she has her own life. She convinced me." I sighed, worried about her despite her reassurances.

Alice sighed too, "I can't see anything about her when the mutts are around. It bothers me, it's like she doesn't exist anymore. I can see why you wouldn't want her to go. Physically, the wolves have the ability to kill her without thought. An accidental change or a comment taken the wrong way can inspire such animalistic rage in them. But you could do more psychological damage by not letting her go, it's guaranteed. Until they actually hurt her, you have to let her go."

"I know, that's the problem. I can't hurt her again, Alice." I paused to choose a selection of pastries.

"Damn straight you can't, we'll all hunt you down. I feel the same though, not being able to 'see' her. I don't want to let her go anywhere dangerous after we just got her back, I just want to keep her safe. And stylish." She joked.

I laughed, "Oh, Alice, what are we going to do with her?"

"Get a designer bubble to keep her in." She giggled.

After she'd given me a detailed description of everything that had happened in the twenty two hours I'd been gone and a number of predictions on things as mundane as the weather, she hung up to go hunting with Jasper and Rose, promising to text me even more incessantly than she had been.

I finished shopping, anxious for the hours to pass to ten thirty. Once I had checked out and packed all the food away downstairs I took the toiletries upstairs and started clearing a cupboard in my room and a drawer in the bathroom for her. Time would pass very slowly, I thought wryly.

**Bella's POV**

"You really do smell like a vampire," Seth commented as we pulled up on the side of the road, "what did you do, roll on him?"

Jacob chuckled, "She wouldn't be alive if she'd been rolling around with a vampire."

"I'd be happy to oblige if you need someone to roll around with," Embry said as he walked over to us, winking at me. "Well, if you showered first."

Seth and Embry continued to discuss how I 'really stunk like a parasite' as they walked ahead and Jacob laughed beside me. "Do you want to borrow a jacket? I think I left one in Sam's car the other day, I could grab it for you."

"I have a jacket," I frowned at him, "it's not that cold."

"No, to cover the stench." He laughed quietly again.

I sighed, "It can't be that bad, give me a break."

"Don't say I didn't try to help." He smirked. He intertwined our fingers as he spoke, as he usually did, but it was different now that I was with Edward. He seemed to have a jealous streak about Jacob as it was, so I gently untangled my hand and bit my lip, hoping he understood. He looked hurt by the gesture and paused, turning towards me just as Sam, Leah and Paul strode toward us.

Sam stood before us, flanked by the others as the rest of the pack slowly made their way over. Emily joined Sam, looking apologetic. Jake turned to face them, stiffening and moving as if to put his arm around me before thinking better of it.

"What's wrong?" I asked, bewildered.

"Perhaps we should talk about this over –" Emily began before Paul cut her off.

"You shouldn't have brought her." He stared at Jake, challenging.

"She always comes, what's your problem?"

Sam cut in, voice full of authority. "You know what the problem is. She's practically one of them; we can't have her at the pack meeting. She certainly smells like them. It's clear from that where her alliances lie."

Jacob's eyebrows rose, "What new secret are we sharing tonight that she doesn't already know?"

"You're right; we should never have let her participate in the meetings. She already knows too much, she can't be here tonight." Sam replied calmly.

"I'm not going to tell them anything, not that they care, anyway," I interjected.

"Jacob," Sam's warning was clear as they stared each other down. Jacob finally sighed, shaking his head.

"This is ridiculous."

Leah stepped forward, "No, it's not. _They_ made _us_ this way; _they_ ruined _our_ lives. They only thing we have now is this: protecting our people and our land from them. Having one of _them_ here isn't going to help us."

"The Cullen's aren't going to attack you or your people!" I tried, again, to get through to them.

"They're as filthy as they others, they'll hunt us as their ancestors did. We can't have that scum here." Paul gave me a pointed look.

"She's not scum." Jacob growled.

"Are you saying the Cullen's aren't as bad as the others? As those that killed our forefathers?" Sam asked.

"Of course not, but she's not one of them. She's Bella – she made your birthday cake, Paul, for God's sake! You can't just throw her out because she's friends with them." Jacob defended.

"She smells like them now, she dresses like them, she spends all her time with one of them. She spent the weekend in a house full of vampires. She could slip up and give something away. It would be like having one of those leeches spying on our pack meetings, our traditions. They already know the border is weak, with most of us here, thanks to her. We can't trust her." Sam replied calmly, as though he wasn't insulting me so entirely.

Jacob took a deep breath, obviously communicating silently with Sam (through years of working closely together their connection was uncanny and highly useful for the two highest ranking members of the pack). By now, all the other wolves at the bonfire had gathered behind Sam, ready to defend against all threats – which, in this case, seemed to mean me. These were my best friends, the ones I'd turned to for comfort for over a year now.

Jacob nodded to Sam, turning towards me. "Bella..."

"You all can't be serious," I whispered, amazed none of them stood up for me after everything.

"Maybe you can attend the bonfires that aren't related to pack business, just not pack meetings and things," Jake began, receiving a sharp look from Sam.

I shook my head incredulously. "I get it, I'll go."

"Please, Bella, it's not you..." Jake tried, stepping towards me.

I backed away. "Of course it is. I'm the one who isn't welcome here anymore; I'm the one who can't be trusted to not share your secrets with the enemy – who, by the way, doesn't care less whether your defences are down or that you don't like water in your wolf form, they just want to get on with their lives. I can't believe you'd all turn on me like this."

"We're not turning on you," Jacob said gently, as elected spokesperson while the others pretended I wasn't there. "It's just a risk having you here. We still want to see you, but you can't be at pack meetings while you're with them." He declared.

"I'm not with them! I'm dating Edward; I didn't choose a side in this supernatural, ultimately one-sided, war. But I get it, you don't want me here, I'll go." I sighed, turning away.

"Bella, please understand, we can't help it." Jacob sighed but didn't move from his place with the pack.

"They're evil, she made her choice." Paul reassured him as I walked back towards the car. I saw Seth, with his deep brown eyes; move further into the trees, his face sympathetic.

"Who wants a hot dog?" Sam asked once I was nearly at the car, clapping his hands together and then their footsteps moved in the opposite direction, towards the heat and security of the bonfire.

For once, the idea of sitting around it didn't bring on a sense of being included and loved.

I climbed into the truck, slamming the door and speeding down the road – well, as much as was possible in the Chevy.

I drove for a few minutes, outraged, before I noticed that tears were obscuring my vision. I pulled over to the side of a dark road, banging my head against the steering wheel before giving into the tears and crying loudly in the quiet cabin. They didn't want me anymore, exactly as Edward had said when he left me. Jacob, who had been the steadiest thing in my world, had sided against me, had decided he didn't want me either.

When I finally looked up, the light sprinkle had picked up and the sky was black, everything cloaked in darkness. I heard wolves howling, as the pack often did at their meetings; to celebrate. I closed my eyes for a moment while I started the engine. Where had the treaty line been? I wasn't due to meet Edward for hours and I couldn't remember where I was supposed to wait. Giving up, I decided to drive home and call him from there so he wouldn't see me like this. A few stray tears continued falling and I wiped them away with the back of my hand, but it was useless.

I pulled onto the road, looking around to make sure none of the wolves had followed me, as if they cared. I looked back at the road, immediately slamming on the brakes. A dark blue car caught the light from my head lights as it pulled into a U-turn right in front of me; seeming to notice me it sped up and slid slide-ways on the wet road. I watched with fascination, the threat not registering, hitting the brake, but the Chevy was still sliding into the back end of the blue car. It had been just too close.

All of this occurred to me in a second, my hands only barely having time to tighten on the steering wheel before I was jostled forward and then slammed back in my seat. My head throbbed for a moment and I dizzily blinked into the bright light of the other cars headlights as they illuminated a nearby tree. There were cracks in my vision, I though distractedly. No... It was the windscreen.

Cold night air surrounded me, the terrible sound of crunching metal deafening. I tried to sigh and couldn't find the air, giving in to a warm sensation in my forehead and closing my eyes. I heard the screams of the driver of the other car as my head softly fell forward, stars shooting across my closed eyelids into infinite darkness.

Distantly, the wolves howling dropped off into silence and finally, everything was peaceful.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N_: Thanks to my beta, who was a complete ninja and got this chapter back amazingly fast. Thanks also to everyone who reviewed and to those who were concerned about Bella. :)

Chapter 10 -

**Bella's POV**

"Bella!" Distantly, as though from the other side of a wall, I heard my name.

I considered looking up, knowing I should probably respond, but the warmth dragged me under. Nothing could be worth leaving this darkness, I was happy here. It had been so long since I could just be, without concern for anything or anyone else.

"Bells..." Something brushed my hand, but I refused to disrupt this peace. Where had I been?

In the car. I remembered it was bright and cold beyond this. No, I wanted to stay here.

"Hey, gorgeous, open your eyes..." He spoke calmly, but his hand shook in mine. I heard speaking beyond, in the distance.

"Phone... Car..." someone said. "Ambulance, now!" It was disjointed, incomprehensible.

"For God's sake! Someone go get their phone!" Another voice called above the crowd.

Jacob's hand was soft against my cheek and I couldn't deny that he had already disrupted my rest any longer, but when I tried to sigh pain shot through me and I couldn't find air. My eyes shot open and locked with warm, chocolate brown.

"Shh, just stay still. You'll be okay. Where's your phone?" His voice was soothing, but I still started to panic when I couldn't talk. Or draw enough breath.

"Just squeeze my hand when I guess right," Jacob said, rubbing his thumb in circles on my hand. "Is it in your bag?" He paused, searching my face, "The car?" I frowned, trying to remember and pulled my hand out of his, pointing at his pocket. "In your pocket?" I squeezed his hand as tightly as I could.

He frowned but didn't move to get it. "I can't get to it, the car is..." He trailed off and looked behind him, listening.

I let my eyes close, desperate to go back to the warm, painless black.

"Stay with me, Bells. Come on, look at me. You're going to be okay. They've called an ambulance and the other driver is fine. Though your insurance bill is going to be huge. I guess that doesn't matter for you, since you're dating a billionaire. I'm sorry, Bella, I shouldn't have let you go like that. I didn't think..." He rambled on, intensely staring at me.

I listened, blocking out everything else: the cold rain, the chaotic discussion of the pack and the unbearable pain that seized my whole body. My hand felt weak in his hot grip. I was so cold.

"Ed- Edward," I gasped out.

"Bells, it's the ambulance, not him. When they get you out I'll call him, okay? Charlie's already on his way." Jacob continued stroking my hand, anchoring me to consciousness. Billy's face loomed over his shoulder, concerned, and then disappeared again.

"Internal... yes..." I heard him say to someone behind him, his voice fading away.

"Embry said that we can upgrade his car a little, you want to come over and help? It should be pretty easy stuff, unlike those bikes. You know, I think your pretty new clothes might be ruined." Vaguely, I imagined how mad Alice would be about this, and Jacob continued talking, saying whatever came to mind. If I'd had more energy I would have been more worried about his sanity.

Jacob was still ruminating on the benefits of going to college on pack land, despite the small facilities and lack of future ambition that the brochure boasted of as the ambulance crew checked me out, deciding to unhinge the car door to get me out safely.

"This is a good sign; really, it means your spine is fine." Jacob reassured me as they went to work.

Panic set in as I glanced down and saw there was blood on my shirt and splattered over my jeans and I gasped, frantically trying to get oxygen. "Please..." I choked out, desperate.

"You're going to be okay, I promise." Jacob repeated, over and over until he was pulled away and replaced by a forty-something man in a blue uniform who chatted about how he'd gone to high school with Charlie while he checked my vitals again, looking unconcerned. I bit my lip, trying to hold my alarm at bay. When Charlie arrived the seat belt was being cut off me by a woman in the same blue uniform who was kind and efficient.

"Charlie..." I whispered, barely audible, but he seemed to hear. He took in my appearance and started firing questions rapidly.

"What happened? Why haven't you got her out yet? Is she going to be okay?"

"You'll have to ask the witnesses, sir. We've only been here about ten minutes, and we had to remove the car door and steering wheel, so we were delayed. At the moment it's hard to say, she has a possible concussion, some external injuries and the extent of her internal injuries is unknown, but I'd say there were a few broken ribs at least. At this stage, we're hoping she doesn't have a collapsed lung. If you'll wait off to the other side we can get your daughter out." The woman replied politely, brushing glass off my lap and out of the car.

The other man walked over and I recognized his voice as he explained further. "Bella's going to be just fine. Billy's over there with his boy and some of his friends now, they can tell you what happened. The other driver wasn't injured, though she's a bit shaken up. We're focusing on Bella right now..." Charlie turned to follow the other man as I choked, trying to speak, and finally forced out, "Call... Edward... please," patting my pocket now that my arms were free.

Charlie turned and nodded, asking the woman if it would be safe to get my phone. She hesitated, then carefully extracted my new phone – which was surprisingly undamaged.

Charlie took it and left, presumably to go speak to Jacob. The woman smiled softly, "Alright, Bella, this might be painful so we're going to give you some medication before we move you."

**Edward's POV**

"Bella," I picked up my phone, getting a text from Alice at the same time as the call.

"Uh, no, it's Charlie Swan." He replied in a rough voice.

"Is something wrong, Chief Swan?" Instantly, dread set in. Those wolves would pay if they'd harmed a hair on her head. "What's wrong with Bella?"

"I'm sorry to call you like this, but Bella asked me to. She's been in a car accident, I just got –"

I cut him off abruptly, "Where?"

He gave me the location as I climbed into the Volvo, hanging up and breaking multiple road laws to get to the road leading to the reservation in a matter of minutes. Bella's truck was illuminated by flashing blue and red lights, another car smashed up next to it, well past our meeting spot. She must have been heading home. I parked off to the side, rushing to the ambulance as they closed the doors. I just glimpsed Bella, covered in blood and barely breathing, inside. Tempting as it was to bang on the back doors, I instead turned to Charlie and the others gathered around him.

"What happened?" I demanded, taking in that those around him were sneering werewolves and pack elders.

"Bella was driving home in the rain and collided with another car that was turning around. We don't know much more than that right now. The other driver said Bella was parked on the side of the road and suddenly pulled out and her car spun on the wet road. Legally, Bella's responsible." Charlie explained, frowning.

"How is she hurt?"

"We don't know, just that she's hit her head pretty badly and it's likely there's some internal damage. I'm going to head to the hospital after I get the witnesses' details." Charlie didn't sound optimistic.

I turned to the rest of them, "What was she doing driving home at this time?" I narrowed my eyes, reading their minds. Jacob, the one standing in the centre of the group, had the least aggressive posture, guilt tainting every thought. "What did you do to her?"

"Calm down, son, it was an accident. It's nobody's fault." Charlie interjected, though he looked mad as well. Seeming to think my anger was deserved, he gave Jacob a look that said they'd be talking later and left.

"What was she doing?" I asked again, clenching my hands into fists.

"She left early. She was going home." Jacob responded, teeth grinding together. I saw in his mind Bella, walking away from him into the trees, heard the distant sound of colliding vehicles disrupt their party, then finally, Bella with blood matting her hair, passed out on the steering wheel. Somehow, he had caused this. I looked to the others, who were looking at the ground, varying degrees of rage and distress on their faces.

_Shouldn't have made her leave_, one thought.

_Bloody vamps, are they even allowed this close to our land? Think they rule the world_, a female glared defiantly back at me.

_I should have gone after her, _the youngest in the group had his head down, standing at the back of the group, _maybe she'd be okay_.

"You let her just leave, upset, and now she's injured. This is your fault." I stared down Jacob Black, mentally going through a list of how to severely injure but not kill a werewolf. Knowing Bella, she'd hate it if I killed him, even now.

"It's not like that, she drives home all the time from here –" Jacob started, clearly frustrated. His father cut him off with a hand on his shoulder and a look.

I shook my head, "I won't kill you, for Bella's sake, but if you hurt her again, screw the treaty." I growled; letting loose a string of curse words under my breath as I turning and getting back in my car. I took a moment to regain my sense of calm and then sped to the hospital, arriving just after the ambulance had.

As I waited impatiently for a nurse to finish talking to the person in front of me I sent a text to Carlisle, knowing the others would find out within a minute of the text arriving:

_Bella was in a car accident, she's in hospital_.

A second later my phone quietly chimed and I picked up.

"Was she badly injured?" Carlisle asked calmly.

"Yes," I quickly relayed what I'd found out from Charlie. "What do I do?" Hopefully he couldn't detect the desperation in my voice that refused to abate.

"You need to find out more information - who her doctors are and what they plan on doing. Get her moved to a private room as soon as possible, which will ensure she gets the best treatment. I will get on a flight now, text me who the doctors are and I will make sure she is getting looked after."

"Carlisle, it was the wolves fault. How can I ignore that?" I sighed, struggling to keep calm.

"You can ignore it because Bella needs you with her, not out attacking her friends; and because we cannot afford to break the treaty. Go help Bella, I'll be there soon."

I hung up just as the nurse turned to me, "Yes?"

"Isabella Swan was just brought in, where can I get more information on her?"

**Bella's POV**

"They had to sedate her, to give her time to heal. She should be conscious soon..." Charlie said.

"It looks like everything went well, but I should talk to her doctors. She'll be fine." Carlisle replied, voice fading.

I struggled to remember what was going on, deciding I should give in to the spinning darkness of unconsciousness once again.

"Oh," Renee's soft cry broke into my consciousness, "she's so pale. Are you sure?" I could tell she was crying from the way her voice trembled.

_Mom_, I thought, trying to understand why she was sad and deciding it was unimportant. Nothing could matter more than staying in this peaceful darkness. I should... well, I should do something. I wasn't quite sure what and finding out would surely pull me out of this happy, dazed state.

"Yes, she's resting so she can heal, she'll wake up soon. She's always pale, so I can't promise that will change." Edward reassured her with a quiet confidence that brokered no argument.

"It's just noticeable because she's not blushing." Alice added.

Renee laughed slightly through her sobs.

"She will be fine, Renee, the internal damage is healing well. The bruises and cuts will take a little longer, but she'll be all right. She'll sleep a little longer, you should stay with her." Edward's voice was warm and kind, losing some of its twentieth century formalities. "Would you like some coffee? I should go find Carlisle."

"That would be great, thanks. I'll call you if she wakes up."

My head was heavy and I happily let sleep take me, seeing no reason to open my eyes if Edward wasn't going to be there.

Minutes later, or so it seemed, I felt a cool hand on my forehead. Cold and hard... _Edward_. I tried to sigh and felt pain shoot through my chest. Struggling to open my eyes, I moved my hand to my face and found tubes and tape. Trying not to panic I opened my eyes and found my eyelids heavy, my vision cloudy. I winced at the overwhelming brightness.

"Careful there, Bella. You're in the hospital." Carlisle's smooth voice loomed from just above me and when my vision finally cleared I met his golden eyes.

I tried to talk and found my throat dry, my lips unwilling. Carlisle leaned back and I realized it was his hand on my head. I looked around the room and found Charlie and Renee standing against the opposite wall, looking concerned.

Where was Edward? And hadn't Alice been here...? My mind was a jumble of nonsensical thoughts and trying to think rationally felt like walking through the ocean during a storm – waves dragging you under and back, never being able to reach your destination; or even see it through the violent winds.

Carlisle held a cup of water to my lips and I sipped gratefully, embarrassed that I couldn't do it myself. "How are you feeling?" He asked kindly.

"Hurts... to breathe. And move." I replied roughly, gasping a little.

"Yes, you broke some ribs, and cuts and bruises covering at least half your body. They had to repair one of your lungs, too, so breathing will be slightly difficult until that heals." He explained slowly, giving me time to process.

"What happened?" I bit my lip, remembering the other car and flashes of faces after that, but nothing concrete.

"Do you remember the accident at all?"

I tried to nod and stopped myself immediately with a silent ouch. "Yes... I braked but it wasn't soon enough, the other car skidded and ended up stopped in my path. The rest is blurry."

"Jacob found you and they called an ambulance, which brought you here." Charlie said; both him and Renee walking forward to stand around the bed.

"I thought I dreamed that. Jacob was really there?" I asked, confused. Hadn't we had a fight?

"Yes, honey. He looked after you until the ambulance came."Renee replied as she smoothed my hair away from my face.

"How long ago was that?" I asked dubiously.

"Well... It's Friday now. Three and a half days ago." She smiled slightly, still concerned.

"And you both flew in for me?" I asked, looking between Carlisle and Renee.

"Yes, of course. Charlie called me and I came straight away. Phil was at an away game, but when he gets back home he said he'd come down to Forks, too." Renee replied.

I looked over at Carlisle and he explained, "Esme and Alice are here too. Edward was concerned about you. The others wanted to come, but I didn't want you to be overwhelmed. Jasper is actually on a flight over at the moment, he's using the ticket Alice already had booked."

I frowned at that. Was I forgetting more than I thought? I wasn't expecting Alice for a month.

"Surprise visit." Carlisle smiled.

"Oh, right." I hesitated, "Where is Edward?"

Carlisle continued to smile. "The others are outside, waiting patiently. So you had time to readjust to being awake. Trust me, getting Edward and Alice out of here was quite a feat."

I smiled a little, imagining their frustration. Suddenly, I remembered something. "Is the other driver... alright?" _Please don't be dead_, I silently begged.

"Yes," Charlie spoke up, "She's fine. She said she won't be pressing charges and she left her insurance details. I talked to your insurance company and they're looking into it."

**Edward's POV**

I listened intently, relieved to hear her voice and anxious to see her.

_Her memory of the crash is a sign that no lasting damage was done to her head_, Carlisle thought. He'd been giving me progress reports, though it was unnecessary with my medical training.

"There's been some confusion over who's liable." Renee added. She'd spend her time since she'd been here reminiscing all the times Bella had been in hospital. I'd been surprised by the number of times, and her more recent injuries. Charlie had emailed Renee updates when Bella had been in injured – motorbike accidents, hiking injuries and varies other cuts and sprains resulting from her extreme hobbies. Since I'd returned she hadn't shown any interest in doing anything injury-inducing, unless you counted going into wolf territory.

Whatever those mutts had done to her, they would regret it.

I was shaken up by the car crash, something I'd been keeping to myself since my family arrived. I had been minutes away, I had told her she should go and _I hadn't saved her_. That bothered me the most: the crash had been on my side of the treaty line, Bella had been driving back to me, it was my job to look after her. This proved how absolutely fallible she was and my inability to protect her.

Alice was being careful with her thoughts, but I knew she also blamed herself for not predicting the accident. It was the werewolves fault, yet she couldn't let it go.

"You should go in," Esme urged, "She's awake and coherent. She must want to see you."

I frowned at her and made eye contact with Alice briefly, her thoughts mirroring mine. _How can I look at her, unable to even breathe easily, when I could have done something?_

"We should give her time to wake up." I replied, distracted my Bella's voice.

She was worried about the other driver and the insurance, not herself. Oh, my Bella. I couldn't live in a world without her soul. I could only hope that some twist of fate would allow us to be together in the next life, though it was unlikely. She was so very good and I killed small, furry things on a daily basis.

Selfishly, I wanted to change her right then. She could never be hurt, never be torn away from me.

Alice's eyes flickered to mine in surprise and then darted away, concentrating on predicting the world's weather for the next month.

"What is it?" I asked in a low voice.

"Nothing, I suppose. I just saw Bella... Well, the future is subjective." She declared. Her thoughts, however, were more hopeful. _So beautiful, how could it be? Visiting her human friends, holding Angela's baby, could her future be...? No vampire had _that_ self control, nor that masochistic inclination. Well, maybe Edward. But so soon after... even if she was changed today, that would be in three years. _

I narrowed my eyes at her but didn't comment. She would eventually share her vision, even with her idealist belief that if she didn't interfere fate would make everything right.

"Could I see the others?" Bella asked softly.

Carlisle paused, "Of course. I'll go find them."

Charlie's voice overlapped his footsteps, "Alice and Edward have barely left the room since they arrived."

"Yes," Renee agreed, "they're so sweet, Bella. Both of them were so worried, but they managed everything for you. Especially Edward, he's a good man."

"Shh!" Bella winced and Renee rushed forward.

"She wants to see you." Carlisle said, now in the corridor we were in. Esme gave him a half smile and glided into the room.

Alice and I weren't so enthusiastic.

"She does not blame either of you, so don't make her wait. I am not going back in there to say you refused to see her. She loves you both, so go support her. Now." Carlisle said in a stern voice, his eyes sympathetic.

Alice sighed, fixing her hair and then walked in. Grudgingly, I followed. I wanted to see Bella, didn't care what she looked like, but I didn't want to see her look at me with her big brown eyes and think I'd failed her.

**Bella's POV**

I waited so long for him to return, had thought he'd forgotten me – somehow, fallen out of love or never loved me to begin with. If it had been the former, I would have sold my soul to know how you could manage to fall out of love with someone so easily. His reluctance as he entered the room reminded me of all the unpleasant thoughts I'd had while he was gone.

This didn't stop me from taking in his incomparable beauty, his gorgeously rumpled hair. Alice's steps were less bouncy than usually as she came to sit on the edge of the bed, staying out of Charlie's way but giving him a bright smile.

"Bella! It's so good to see you awake... watching you sleeping without knowing when you'd wake up was killing me." She gave me a small smile and sighed.

"Thank you for travelling here – all of you." I bit my lip under their scrutiny, "sorry to cause so much trouble. I should have been paying more attention to my surroundings."

"It wasn't your fault." Edward declared quietly.

I looked up, meeting his eyes. They burned with some unidentifiable, intense emotion. Sometimes, I longed to read his thoughts.

"Well, I was the one who collided with the other car... they weren't doing anything wrong." I said hesitantly, not wanting to argue with him.

He frowned, "No, not the other driver. I meant... never mind. It wasn't your fault."

Conscious of the others in the room I gave in. Turning to Carlisle I asked what I could and couldn't do.

"Well, you need to rest for a week, after that just be careful. Avoid anything too strenuous. You won't be able to drive while you're on this medication." At my pained look he smiled slightly, "I'm sure Edward would be happy to drive you around until you're better. You'll probably be discharged tomorrow if everything stays stable, but you'll need a few check-ups."

"That sounds fine. Can I, um, eat?"

He chuckled, "Yes. I'll go find you something decent and get a nurse. If you feel light-headed, dizzy, nauseous, or any severe pain...buzz a nurse." He indicated the button, then added, "Or call me."

Alice was already taking my phone out of the small bedside cupboard and putting it beside me.

"Thanks." I smiled at them both.

Esme stepped forward, taking the hand Renee wasn't holding and squeezing it gently, "I'm so glad you're alright, Bella. You gave us all a fright." She smiled softly and inclined her head ever-so-slightly towards Edward. I smiled back, understanding. She and Alice both decided to go with Carlisle in an obvious attempt to give Edward and I a chance to talk.

As soon as the nurse walked in Charlie decided to go find some coffee and check in with work, and Renee smiled at his departure.

"He's just squeamish." She laughed a little, shaking her head. "But I should give you some privacy too. I'll come back in an hour or so, alright, hon?" She brushed my hair back, looking concerned again.

"Yes, go, I'll be fine."

She kissed my forehead and turned to Edward, "Call me if anything happens."

Once she was gone the nurse introduced herself, going through a long process of checking machine and then manually making sure she found the same results, quizzing me on what hurt and finally giving me some pills to take. I was embarrassed by Edward's intense gaze the entire time, though the nurse seemed unaware of his presence as she checked on my bandages.

"Everything looks fine for now, someone will be in with your next dose tonight and they'll change your bandaging and help you shower. Dinner is at 6. Just press this button if you need anything." She smiled politely and left, giving Edward a curious look as she passed him.

After a moment of silence I decided that I had to be the one to break it. I couldn't let him retreat into his own mind again, after last time made him leave me.

"Edward... I'm fine, if that's what you're worried about. You couldn't have known, sometimes things happen that are out of our control, even to you." I paused, waiting for his reaction. When nothing came I continued. "Just don't leave, okay? I can't..." I shook my head, unable to comprehend surviving the pain of losing him again.

He sighed and came to stand beside the bed, "Bella... I'm tired of missing you; I just want you right by my side."

"Promise?"

His eyes were troubled, but he nodded. "Forever. I love you, I won't leave again... of course, you can leave me if you –"

I cut him off with a sharp "No" and leaned up, trying to kiss him. Unfortunately, my body protested the movement and I fell back with a ragged inhale, almost as fast as Edward's hand shot out to gently, yet forcefully, push me back against the pillows.

"You need to be cautious; you have a large number of very new injuries." He explained, watching with concern and pain as I struggled to get comfortable and even out my breathing.

"I'm never going to leave you, understand that, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. You left and I had a lot of time to think about us. I. Am. Not. Leaving. You. You're it for me. I will love you, always. So I don't care if you spend a hundred years thinking that you were fated to be alone and miserable, or that I'm just a human, or that you have the innate urge to kill me. None of that matters because I love you and you cannot doubt that. Ever." I told him sternly, my outrage increasing. _How dare he doubt me?_

Edward looked surprised at my outburst and stayed thoughtful for a moment. "I apologize if it seems like I was questioning your feelings, Bella." The corners of his mouth quirked up in amusement, "I love you too, you know."

I gave him a small smile, refusing to laugh. My beautiful, sweet, _illogical_ Edward.

He leaned down and gave a light, soft kiss that was barely a minute long but took what little oxygen I had and left me light-headed. _Wow_, I though incoherently, unable to utter even that.

"Get some sleep, love, you need to recuperate." He said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed.

I didn't know whether he meant from the crash or the kiss, but I was so exhausted, so, so tired, that I closed my eyes and let his humming calm my mind into the quietest, gentlest sleep.

* * *

_A/N_: This chapter was more so about Bella and Edward's relationship, so don't worry if you're missing Jacob, he'll be back next chapter!


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** Sorry about the delay with this chapter, I thought I had posted it a week ago... Anyway, don't blame my amazing beta, foxyvictorianagurl, she's always fast to get chapters back and deserves only gratitude. Seriously, you should thank her :) Now onto the chapter...

Chapter 11 –

**Bella's POV**

I woke up groggily and glanced at the neon numbers displayed by my alarm clock. 1:53 AM. Sighing, I pulled the covers up over my head and winced. When would this heal?

I'd been released from the hospital less than forty-eight hours ago and had since found that the medicine prescribed did not lend itself to lucid thought patterns. Which was why I was covertly avoiding taking it, hard to do with three – three! – vampire Bella-sitters and one human father. My ribs ached constantly, my head pounded and I had the frightening and reoccurring feeling that my lungs weren't working – that they wouldn't expand when I inhaled or wouldn't expel the air they contained when my brain ordered them to. When I was on the medicine that I was supposed to be taking every 4 hours this was made terrifying, as my mind couldn't comprehend what was happening. Once, I'd been so out of it that I couldn't remember how to breathe and ended up breathlessly laughing and coughing, over and over, until Edward raced off to get me a glass of water and talk me through a breathing exercise. Nothing hurts so much as trying to take deep, controlled breaths with five broken ribs and a healing, partially collapsed lung...maybe the look on Edward's face as he watched, looking as though he was being tortured with hot coals.

"Bella?" He said now, gently peeling the covers back from my face and brushing my hair back.

I stared up at him, unsure how to respond and a little thrown by his crooked, amused smile.

"Are you alright? It's very early for you to be awake." He murmured.

"I know, it's 2 am! Why can't I just sleep for one night? I'm so tired." I complained quietly.

He brushed his cool fingertips over my forehead, down my cheek and back up again. "Your body is trying to heal and it's taking up a lot of energy, but the pain keeps waking you up. You must be due for more meds. I'll go get them for you, sweetheart."

...

This pattern continued, night after night, and I began to feel like my life was just one really bad episode played over and over. In this case, the episodes are each a torturously long, twenty-four hours. Edward watched me at night, Alice came by in the morning to make sure I was showered and dressed suitably, help out with house work and bring food she'd had made by local chefs. Jasper would join us at about lunchtime to keep me company – or keep me calm and pain-free, I suspected. They'd leave when Carlisle arrived to check on me and sometimes return for dinner. Esme had visited the first day, but she'd needed to continue a project back home – wherever that was - and look after everything there and had flown out of Washington. I still wasn't sure where they'd set up their lives, which was odd but I didn't mind giving them their privacy.

When Carlisle was here things were quiet and peaceful. He often kicked Edward out of the house to go home and change or hunt, leaving just the two of us. With the uncanny ability to sense when there was something I wanted to bring up, he'd patiently wait next to me on the couch until I started talking. I'd argued with Edward and Charlie about the prescription being too strong, but Carlisle understood where I was coming from and explained how this was the best thing at the moment, unfortunately, and that I could change to something less hallucination-inducing soon.

He would end up worrying about my ribs being slow to heal and order me to bed every afternoon, sending Edward to ensure I slept. Which was fine with me because as much as I loved the Cullens, they'd been slightly overprotective in the last few days. I'd had fun sitting around watching movies with them all, but they would not let me do anything. At all. Alice brushed my hair for me twice a day and plaited it out of the way. Jasper rushed to change the DVD before I could move off the couch.

Edward was also overbearingly concerned with my welfare, but he was easy to get along with. He'd kiss me to sleep and snuggle against me with his cool body, making all of the broken ribs and fractured bones fade into unimportance. We talked about everything, from travels to Greek mythology to ironic author names. Especially when I was loopy from the drugs and inclined to say the first thing that jumped into my head. Like 'you look so beautiful in that shirt you could be a king of the forest... or the urban jungle' followed by a maniacal laugh.

I'd entertained him a lot in the last few days.

I was also aware of a number of things they didn't think I knew: Firstly, Jacob had tried to call on my mobile every day, with Edward automatically declining the calls. He'd also tried to call on our home number, which Charlie had answered and told him to stop calling – followed by a long lecture on looking after your friends and taking responsibility.

Secondly, Edward and Charlie had formed a pact. They alternated in looking after me, with Edward spending nearly all his time with me. I heard them whispering in the kitchen, discussing my progress and the baseball game last night like old comrades.

Not that Charlie knew about Edward sneaking in to stay with me overnight. That may have ended their newfound bond.

Days passed without meaning, filled with fleeting impressions of pain and sleep. Carlisle delayed both my return to college and his return home due to my slower-than-expected progress. Jasper got a haircut, surprising everyone but Alice and Edward. I was finally allowed to take milder medication on the provision that I also took a natural sleeping aid when I woke up at odd times. It worried me that I was taking so much time off work and college, neglecting to call the insurance company or to stress about the pack. Well, that may have been denial.

And, constant through all of this boredom and strain, was Edward. Edward cooking. Edward lying beside me. Edward laughing at something I'd said. Edward always brushing my hair back for me. Edward. Edward. Edward. I couldn't get enough of him.

It was like finding an old friend and getting to know them again. Like finally the sun had started shining after months of dull, cloudy days and rain. It was cliché, and perfect.

Knowing him as I did, I caught the way he was constantly thinking. Sometimes with a troubled look on his face or a frown and others with this breath-taking, dazed look of wonder. Whatever it was he saw in his mind when he had that look on his face, I wanted it. I wanted to see that look every day. Instead, I saw his guilt at not somehow saving me, his anger at Jacob Black and his remorse for leaving me in the first place.

"I could kill Jacob Black." He muttered as he helped me into one of the kitchen chairs, pronouncing 'Jacob Black' in the ominous way he'd taken to after Alice said it the first time he called.

"No, you most certainly cannot. He's my friend." I told him, amused.

"Friends don't let other friends drive distracted, Bella." He answered wryly.

"He didn't have much choice, I mean, they weren't going to let me go to the bonfire. Sure, it sucks, but I don't know how it could have been helped." I leaned my head on my hand, tired from the extreme exertion of moving from my nap upstairs to the kitchen table.

"Of course he had a choice. He let you leave upset, by yourself, at night. He could have apologized or taken you somewhere else. It was incredibly rude that he told you to leave and then went to party with his friends while you were nearly killed. Only the most dishonourable of men would have let a woman walk to her vehicle by herself when I was human. Not that you would have been driving yourself, anyway." He sighed, caught up in something he'd just thought of for a moment.

"You wouldn't have met him back then; I would have already won you over. We'd have courted and subsequently married and you would have no interest in other bachelors." He added quietly.

"Edward," I gave him a slight smile, "you know he's just a friend. Though your jealously is adorable, as is the image of us on the veranda of our house, happily married, white picket fence and all."

He shook his head smiling, "Bella, just be careful. I don't want to see you hurt again, especially not by _him_."

...

**Edward's POV**

Bella was despondent as she made herself dinner, made more so by the fact that Charlie wasn't home to eat with her as usual. She was returning to college in the morning and with my pending enrolment not yet complete she was going alone. Without her usual energy her injuries seemed worse than they were and I was tempted to keep her with me for longer.

"I have to be at college at eight tomorrow, so can you please wake me and not turn off the alarm?" She asked without enthusiasm.

"I will. Are you tired?"

"Yeah, a little. I might go to bed early and leave my English through History class work until tomorrow."

I leaned against the counter beside her and gave her a small smile, conscious of her frustration and her injuries. It was remarkable that she couldn't fathom how we all cared about her so much, that she could ever feel like she wasn't good enough.

"I could do it for you," I teased.

"That would be nice, but no. I'll just go to the library at lunch tomorrow." She gave me a sad smile, not laughing as she usually would.

I stroked her hair back over her shoulder, running slow, lingering circles over her shoulder blades. "What's wrong, love?"

"I just..."She sighed, looking down at the fry pan in front of her, "Everything is a mess at the moment. I'm so behind at college and I don't even know what's going on with my job, half of my friends hate me, I can't even reach for the plates myself." She gestured to where I'd arranged the plates on the table. "I'm not in control of anything in my life. I'm always so tired. I feel like I've been doing this my whole life, Edward."

"You'll catch up with college and your job is safe, they'd be stupid to lose such a diligent, trustworthy employee. You'll heal soon, I know it's taking longer than you'd like but that's normal under the circumstances. You just have to take things slowly for the next few weeks. As for the pack...I can't say I'd encourage it, but they wouldn't stop seeing you just because you're friends with the enemy. They love you too much. Anyone would, and from all the phone calls, it's obvious Jacob Black does." I gave her a considering look.

She sighed and went back to stirring the sauce, ignoring my scrutiny.

"Bella," I considered continuing and asking her what she'd meant by the last statement but decided to leave it for another time. She seemed mentally and physically drained and while it tortured me, there was nothing I could do. I kissed her forehead and set her place at the table, leaving cutlery for Charlie on the bench.

After a quiet dinner she moved upstairs to read in bed. Less than five minutes later she put the book aside, pulling her pillow over her face. I smiled and moved to sit facing her, gently pulling the pillow away. "Bed time?"

She sighed and nodded slightly, watching as I placed the pillow under her head and smoothed her hair out around her, pulled the covers up over her and laid down beside her.

"Good night, Edward." She said sleepily, snuggling her head against my shoulder and closing her eyes.

" 'Night, sweetheart. Sleep well." I kissed her temple softly, inhaling her sugar-and-strawberries scent.

"I love you." Her words slurred slightly and her breathing deepened.

"I love you too, Bella."

I watched as she slept, giving her space when she wanted to roll over and murmuring soothing things to her when she stirred. She was restless and troubled, muttering incoherently and kicking the covers around. Eventually she stilled, burying her face in her pillow softly saying "never" to herself. I thought I might have scented the salt water of her tears, but I couldn't be sure. Her breathing stayed deep and even until she settled into an undisturbed sleep.

And I spent the night selfishly wishing I could sleep to escape this, the quiet that invited inescapable thoughts and the sound of my world weeping. That for a few hours I could be close to her without watching her wince when she tried to move or having to worry, every minute, that something might take her away. I just wanted to dream of what would be if things were different.

" 'How terrible it is to love something that death can touch.'" I whispered into the darkness, watching the move make its trail across the sky.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** As usual, it's _foxyvictorianagurl_who has made this chapter readable, if not pretty good. :P There is a skill in being able to fix mistakes, which she has mastered, but there is also another ability in being able to make suggestions. It amazes me how well she does both, she is fantastic and amazing every time. I also have to thank her for the idea for this chapter, and so there's no copy right concerns, let you know that we were idea-sharing.

Her new one-shot is a (better) version of the same idea. Read it immediately... after you read this chapter. It isn't the same, so you won't get bored, and hers is more fun! Honestly, there's something about her Edward, it's adorable. Go find out for yourself.

Chapter 12 –

**Edward's POV**

The week passed in much the same way, Bella lethargic and over-worked while I had little to occupy my time with. Jasper and Alice came to visit every night and decided that they needed to lift the morale by planning respective men's and women's nights. Bella and Alice were going to travel back to Esme and Rosalie for 'the ultimate sleepover' while Jasper, Carlisle, Emmett (who was running here) and myself hunted. Bella had fruitlessly complained about the sexism of it all and been reminded that everyone else had been born before 1920 and had no problem with sexism.

"You have to hunt; Bella might as well have fun while you're away!" Alice argued, unable to accept that it would not be fun for Bella to spend a night out on the town, shopping and going to pole dancing classes. At first I was tempted by the idea – after all, I was sure to get a mental re-play from one of my sisters, if not a live performance... but Bella's health came first, and she'd had a number of broken bones. And she was a clutz. Although adorable, that often lead to accidents.

"Alice," I sighed, "Bella was just in a car crash, she can't dance. She told you she just wants to stay home and if you want your Porsche upgraded, then you will listen to her." This argument had gone on for days now and I was tired of it. Alice would agree with me, but her thoughts still circled around which clubs they could get to and back before I returned.

She pouted, "Fine. I guess I can work with that." She turned and daintily stomped off, planning out a spa-themed sleepover.

I sighed and returned to the rocking chair in Bella's room, deftly climbing back through the window to watch her sleep. I wasn't looking forward to a whole weekend without her.

I watched her sleeping, examining the photos on her bedside table that she's accumulated when I'd left. All but one included Jacob Black, and that one was taken in Florida of Bella and Renee. Bella was in denial about the wolves. If she didn't acknowledge them, then they didn't exist. I was impressed with her powers of avoidance as there were at least three new calls everyday – not to include emails and text messages. While I respected her wishes, it was hard to see her upset by something like this; harder still to tell Seth that he should go home when his thoughts were purely kindness and concern. I suspected she wouldn't be happy to learn that we'd bonded over the experience.

"Edward," Bella sighed; rolling over. "yes..."

I smiled, moving to lie beside her through the night.

**Bella's POV**

I groaned, again regretting my choice to be flown thousands of miles away from Edward. Or rather, civilization. I was lost amid piles of lace, having spent the afternoon in highly priced, exclusively stocked lingerie stores. I didn't see why all of this was necessary – who owned ten times more lingerie than clothes? Luckily, the torture was short-lived as she had to bring me home before Esme got home from work and found us shopping. With Edward, it was very possibly a capital offense to drag his girlfriend where she didn't want to be dragged.

"How about this?" Alice asked sweetly, holding up a skimpy leopard print set.

"No way." I buried my face under a pillow and hoped that Esme would be home soon.

Very soon, judging from the way Alice was unpacking. She was trying to get me to take some back to Forks with me, but so far the pile for staying-hidden-from-Edward-here was it.

"You have to take something! What if you want... well, what if you want Edward?" She said impatiently.

"What if I want to dress up in leopard print and make a fool of myself should be the question. Edward and I are waiting, as you already know." Annoyed, I tried not to snap at her. For the most part, I succeeded.

Edward and I hadn't actually agreed to wait, Edward had presumed we were waiting. I didn't know whether to agree or not, but that he thought I didn't want him now so it didn't matter was worrying.

"Bella!" She dragged out my name, fluttering her eyelashes. "It's not all bad. Some of this is quite modest." I rolled my eyes at the strapless corset she held up. Very modest... until you leant over. "How about I pack some things for you, and it's up to you if you wear them or not. Just in case."

"Fine. But no more than three things."

"Four."

"Okay! Four. I'm going to find Rosalie while you pack this away."

"She's hunting, but she'll be back soon." Alice replied happily.

"Then I'm going to call Edward." I sighed. I walked downstairs and out to the beautiful pond Esme had put in the front yard, complete with fish.

"Edward, your sister is a monster." I began, smiling at the sound of his voice. We'd been together nearly every moment I wasn't in class this last week and it seemed as though the physical distance was making our separation harder. "As much as I love Alice, being in a confined space – like a changing room – with her for three hours is too much."

**Edward's POV**

I laughed in reply, causing Carlisle to glance over in surprise. Jasper was more adept as guessing such reactions and obviously didn't seem worried about his wife. "You went shopping, then."

"Yes, Alice said the others wouldn't be home for a few hours and made me go with her. For my safety, she said."

"Would you like me to take away her Porsche?" I teased.

"No, it's okay, the others will be here soon. She was great on the plane ride... it was just the shopping. Is Emmett there yet?"

"No, but he's close. I can hear his thoughts. He got delayed by a grizzly bear."

She laughed softly, making me smile again.

After a minute of her silence I sighed. "I miss you. I love you."

"I love you too, forever." She paused, walking for a moment before continuing. "I have to go, Rosalie just got back. Have fun hunting." Her voice didn't portray much emotion, but I detected her disappointment.

"See you tomorrow, love."

**Bella's POV**

I turned to face Rosalie, smiling hopefully. She returned my smile, continuing her recent kindness towards me. While I wondered at the loss of her animosity towards me, I didn't miss it.

"You survived Alice, I'm impressed." She said as she came to join me.

"Just. We've been to at least ten different lingerie stores. I don't know how she does it." I shook my head, walking alongside Rosalie as she circled the house.

She laughed softly, "There is more to Alice than first meets the eye – she is determined and strong-willed along with her happy nature." She tilted her head towards the phone in my hand elegantly, "I assume that was Edward. Is Emmett with them yet?"

"Yes, he just got there."

Her smile seemed to brighten, "Impressive time. Now, let's go have some fun. Esme will be here very shortly."

I returned her smile with slightly less enthusiasm as we walked into the foyer. While it was melodramatic, it seemed impossible to have fun when Edward was taken away from me for so long after everything that had happened. I felt silly for feeling that way, knew no independent woman would admit to it, yet I couldn't stop myself. I felt it all without any conscious decision and it was daunting... and exciting.

"Esme's home." She looked up at the stairs expectantly just before Alice came flying down.

"Let's get this party started!" Alice declared, a mischievous glint in her eye that I knew better than to trust.

...

It turned out that Alice had lavishly set up the home theatre for the sleepover with pamper products on trays, DVDs stacked on the side table and what appeared to be a luxury camping bed. It had been folded out and was plush, topped with a goose down overlay and a massive comforter. The lights were dimed and fairy light lanterns hung around the room. Typically, Alice had outdone herself.

"Edward has to hunt; he's just being silly waiting so long. It doesn't help you heal to have a hungry vampire lurking around." Rosalie said.

"He doesn't lurk." I defended, smiling.

"He loves you too much," Alice sighed happily, "it's lovely."

"It's kind of magical." I agreed.

"I didn't expect that for him, I admit, after so many years alone. Not everyone finds love, much less a love that can withstand the centuries. There is something, however, about our predicament that throws away all the human drama. It's a bonding experience, surviving those newborn years. Few couples split up after something like that. Our life is lonely, you understand; it is nice to have a partner in our isolation." Esme said, smiling softly.

"But how did you know that your relationship could survive everything, before you were changed?" I asked.

She gave me a sympathetic look, "None of us had any choice in the matter; we were dying when Carlisle found each of us. It's not luck, so much as Carlisle. He loved me, I think. And Rosalie loved Emmett. It's the people involved who make it work. Those people who are changed and lack the ability to build these kinds of relationships tend to stay alone... at least, without any vampiric companions." She explained.

"What's it like," Rosalie began hesitantly, "loving as a human? Knowing it won't necessarily be forever... Does it scare you?"

"Does Edward scare you?" Alice interjected, giving me a small grin.

"Alice, did he put you up to that?" I rolled my eyes. "He doesn't scare me... his mind, perhaps. I don't want him to leave me, that what's terrifying." I turned to Rose, "Yes. Every day... a thousand different things could end it, take me away from him or him away from me... could take away our love. The problem is; I know that whatever it was, I would still love him after we were separated and that would hurt. It must be nice knowing Emmett will be there for you every day, that you'll never have to face anything alone."

"Neither will you, Bella. We won't leave you again." Esme promised as Rosalie nodded.

"That includes Edward." Alice added, sincerely.

"Thank you." I replied smiling.

"Now, tell us about what it's like to be in love when it's still new and exhilarating." Rosalie smiled encouragingly.

"And all the gossip on Edward." Alice sat next to me, looking intent.

"Well... There isn't much you wouldn't already know about him. He can cook. He likes to turn my alarm off when I have work, and enjoys watching me struggle to get ready on time when I find I'm due in Portland in half an hour." I joked.

They all watched me, smiling like this was the most fascinating thing they'd ever heard.

And so I continued, telling them small details that I had once marvelled at but was now complacent with, entertained by their reactions. At learning that Edward frequently brushed my hair for me, they all laughed happily. His driving skills, however, were of some concern. They trusted him absolutely, but worried that he was scaring me and being distracted by me; something may happen. It wasn't reassuring. Mostly, they were delighted with everything.

This continued as I taught Alice – at her request, she wanted to do what Edward could – how to make my own version of lasagne. She was an attentive student but complained about the smell of the raw meat. And how she had to use her own judgement to know when it was ready, there wasn't an absolute time she could use. It was very amusing for Esme, and I watched with a smile as she tried to lay out the pasta sheets.

I ate in front of a movie with Esme, Rosalie and Alice lying elegantly around the theatre– one of the many chick flicks was chosen for me. After I'd finished, Esme went to do the washing up and Alice appeared on the floor near my feet, pulling them into her lap.

"Alice!" I laughed as her cold hands tickled my feet. "What are you doing?"

She grinned up at me, "Sorry, I forgot about the temperature difference. Pedicure time. What colour do you want your nails? How about scarlet?"

"Do I have any choice?" I teased, knowing it was inevitable.

"Nope. You'll love it. And if you don't, Edward definitely will." She giggled.

Rosalie rested her arms on the back of the couch I was sitting on to observe, nodding along with Alice as they discussed fashions coming back in Paris. Esme returned a few minutes later and joined in while I tuned out thoughtfully.

Rosalie turned to me sometime later, smiling hesitantly. "Would you mind?"

"What?" I asked blushing.

"If I used you as a model for Esme. To show her how to create the new hairstyles gaining popularity." She gave me a warm smile, "It won't be too painful."

I smiled, thinking of all the things Alice had put me through without asking. "Yeah, of course. Go ahead."

She made her way behind me, brushing out my hair, and Esme came to sit sideways on the couch, facing me.

"Have you always been close? The three of you?" I asked.

The all laughed: Alice with her tinkling-bells-laugh, Esme's was soft and warm and Rosalie with her alluring half-chuckle, half-laugh.

"No," Rosalie said slowly, "we haven't."

"Conflicting personalities." Esme said, gesturing between Alice and Rose. "At times."

I grinned, "Really?"

"I wasn't the most welcoming sister," Rosalie told me, smile evident in her voice.

"And I wasn't demure or the least imposing new house mate." Alice said and they shared a happy look.

"It was fun." Alice and Rosalie concluded simultaneously.

I laughed, smiling at Esme.

"And yet here we are." She said. "I don't think it was possible for them to be in the same room for five minutes at one stage."

At my confused look, Alice explained. "I had seen us as sisters, but I couldn't understand her disinterest in the prospect. We shared the same interests, yet that only made us clash more often. We'd hunt in the same spot by accident, or end up with the same heels. She blamed me for it, since I could see the future. I disagreed. There was some animosity between us for the first few years."

"What happened to get you to here?" I asked, thinking of their sisterly relationship. "Time?"

"Yes and no." Rose answered as she braided my hair. "Alice was frustrated with not getting what she wanted, what she'd seen. She was persistent. I decided to give her a go, after some expertly chosen outfits were delivered to my door and more than a few conversations with Carlisle. It turns out, she just wanted to be friends all along. I couldn't blame her."

"And Rose was just worried about the balance of the family, being included still." Alice added.

They smiled at each other and everything was quiet and contemplative for a few minutes.

Esme interrupted the silence with an 'ooh'. "What do they call that style?"

Alice agreed with a happy 'mmm'.

"It's a waterfall braid, made all the more beautiful by the waves in Bella's hair." Rose said.

Esme passed me a mirror, smiling. Alice gently rested my feet on the ground and stood up to examine my hair, praising Rosalie's work and getting a thirty second, vampire-speed tutorial.

I wondered at how the two of them had ever managed to fight, much less to think badly of the other. They were perfect for each other, as far as best friends went. And somehow, I fit in too, a seemingly natural piece of the Cullen family.

**Edward's POV**

"You're lucky," Carlisle began, "that she has forgiven you for the unforgivable. Do not be so foolish again, or you may lose her."

I nodded solemnly, agreeing with him yet surprised he was the one to admit it.

"I suppose the true luck is that she loves you enough to forgive you and knows you well enough to understand your motives."

"It's quite a miracle with you being such an idiot and all." Emmett added, laughing.

_Have some faith_, Jasper thought with a fair amount of amusement. _Things will work out_.

"Yes, they will." I replied, knowing I couldn't let anything come between us again.

* * *

**A/N**: Now, go find _foxyvictorianagurl_'s page and read her one-shot! :) You know you want to...


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N**: _Foxyvictorianagurl _is yet again the amazing beta behind this chapter, so thank you! :) Everyone should check out her story, it's really entertaining and well-written, you'll enjoy it. Go read it! And review, this is her first fanfic and she deserves a warm welcome, she's lovely. (Most of the time :P )

When you're reading this chapter and drooling over how sweet Edward is, keep in mind that he's as gorgeous as Rob Pattinson, I think I don't mention that enough. XD

_Chapter 13_ –

**Edward's POV**

I was waiting in the forest behind the house, listening to my sisters talk about Bella as she slept. I knew Bella would have protested the arrangement – with them watching her as she slept – but I knew they just wanted it to be a proper sleepover. Esme was lounging of the couch, Alice and Rose cuddled up on the loveseat, talking so quietly Bella wouldn't have heard them even if she'd woken.

"I knew it would work out with Edward and Bella, they couldn't stay away from each other forever." Alice said proudly, enjoying being able to hold that over Rosalie's head as only a sister could.

"You're truly gifted." Rosalie said sarcastically back. "The odds were against them, not to mention Edward's will of steel."

"He forgets, sometimes, that his heart has a say." Esme softly added.

"Nothing is set in stone." Rosalie's thoughts were on a different time, one where her world had changed so completely she'd been lost for decades. "Except immortality." She amended.

"That too, may change." Esme thought of everything that had been, reminiscing that whatever was to come would have to be worse than hell to end our existence.

"Everything ends." Alice agreed.

"Not Edward and Bella; of that I am sure." Esme replied fiercely – for her.

I hoped she was right. I hoped that the only silent mind in the room was thinking of me in the way the others did.

"It is nice that you're not fighting over this anymore." Esme murmured. "To think Bella couldn't imagine you two fighting."

Alice laughed mischievously, "Well, she'll find out when she joins the family officially."

"_If_ she joins the family officially." Rose corrected.

Alice's mind flashed through a series of images, visions, of Bella and I. "_When_. I am certain."

Esme laughed, "If Bella were awake, she'd have no doubt about your ability to fight."

Bella was inexperienced when it came to relationships and struggled to comprehend some of the more delicate aspects – fighting and reconciling, being one of those. I knew she thought the wolves didn't want her and that she wouldn't go back to them after what had happened but, as Rosalie said, things change.

**Bella's POV**

"Leave her be, I'll go make her some breakfast before you wake her." Edward's voice was quiet, his words incredibly fast, but I felt his lips move against my cheek.

I was surprised at first, wondering how he'd gotten into La Push, to where I was surrounded by the members of the pack, and then I separated dream from reality. Still disoriented, I puzzled at Edward being here. It was so familiar, yet something felt off... _Oh_. Edward was hunting. Or... had been, I guessed.

"Of course, thank you, Esme. I won't move her." Edward replied to whatever had been said, or thought.

"Mmm..." I snuggled closer as he kissed my forehead. He was cool and smelled amazing, and I didn't want to wake up yet and leave his embrace.

"Sleep, Bella." He whispered against my ear, nearly inaudibly. I felt his lips curve into a smile and tried to hold back my own smile as I turned and buried my face in his shoulder. With a sigh, I let sleep take me again. Unfortunately, I ended up in the same dream as before, without Edward.

"Come back!" Jacob called, though I was standing in front of him.

"Why did you come back?" Sam's face appeared in front of me, the edges of my vision blurry. "You can't bring _him_ here."

Choppily, he moved backwards, behind Jacob. Seth took my hand from behind, pulling me back. "Away... Bella." His words were lost to the sudden wind, and I only caught half of what he was saying. "Need – out – Edward. Jake's not – come – Jacob!"

Without seeing his face, I was lost. But I saw Leah in my peripheral, shaking violently. "Oh, no." I whispered as she erupted in a blur of movement and a low growl.

"Bella, baby. Shhh..." Jacob reached out as if to touch my cheek, but he was still standing too far away.

I closed my eyes, trying to hold off the dizziness, and the tears. I didn't understand any of it, but it hurt.

Seth's hold on my hand tightened, but he stopped tugging and stood still, just behind me.

Jacob was suddenly at my other side, wrapping an arm around my waist. I leant into him, relieved. Sam disappeared. Paul and Embry changed into their wolf forms, creating a semi-circle with Leah.

I realized I was shaking and turned towards Jacob, hiding against him. Inexplicably, I was safe. I was loved. I didn't care that three wolves were growling and baring their teeth just metres from me.

I felt a cool hand on my shoulder, recognizing it as a vampire's. "Shh, you're alright, love." Edward whispered oh-so-quietly in my ear.

Yet when I looked over my shoulder to find him with a rising sense of panic, it was Alice standing there grinning.

I jolted awake, terrified. Alice and Rosalie were hurriedly gathering all the pillows and blankets into their arms, flitting around with their super speed. Edward was running his hands up and down my arms soothingly. I was in the home theatre we'd been watching movies in last night.

"Is Bella alright?" I heard Carlisle call from the front of the house.

I glanced at Edward, confused.

He gave my shoulders a gentle squeeze and leant forward to say, "Your heart is racing, Bella. He can hear it."

"Oh."

He gave me a concerned smile, and announced to no one in particular: "It was just a dream."

Carlisle appeared in the doorway, smiling as he walked into the room. "Hello, Bella."

"Hi." I replied, surprised to find Alice and Rosalie gone along with all the sleepover things.

"I'd ask how you slept, but I have a feeling you don't want to relive that. How was the slumber party?" He sat down on the other couch.

"Good, thank you. Alice had her fun." I held up my sparkling pink nails as evidence, smiling at his laugh.

"They look lovely, she's quite talented." He looked up at the doorway and a moment later Alice skipped in, laughing happily as she sat beside him.

"Thank you. How was the hunting?"

"Plentiful, though there may be a grizzly bear shortage now." He chuckled. "Emmett and I just got back from Denali."

I sighed and relaxed against Edward, tuning out of their conversation as I looked up at him. Although it was ridiculous, I was a little uncomfortable looking at Alice after the dream. I didn't know why, but the sight of her had been terrifying. Why my mind was giving any basis to that dream was beyond me, but it was.

I was exhausted from the dream, mentally. But I wasn't going back to sleep.

"How are you feeling, love?" Edward murmured, using the purposely open ended question to force me to give him a proper answer. It was something he often did, and I now picked up on it. Unlike saying 'are you feeling better' which would lead to a nod, I now had to decide on an answer.

"I didn't have any trouble with my ribs, and none of the broken bones hurt. Finally, I'm healing." I smiled up at him. "And last night was pretty fun."

"That's great," His lips tilted up in a small smirk, "but that doesn't tell me how you're feeling now."

I smiled guiltily, loving the mischievous look he gave me in return. "I feel fine. It was just a really weird dream. I'm glad your back."

He brushed his lips against mine. "I missed you."

"Me too."

...

"I'll be back soon, I'll go home and shower and you can have some time with your dad." Edward said as I opened my car door. "I'll be back after dinner."

We'd caught a flight back to Forks and he'd driven me home in the Volvo, but he'd said he had some 'errands' to run. Normally, I'd assume this meant hunting, so I was puzzled.

"Okay. Don't stay away too long, I missed you." I kissed him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I love you."

"I love you too," He rested his forehead against mine. "I won't be long... but call me if you need me. Or if you want to talk. Or if you want a pizza delivery." He smiled when I laughed.

"I will. See you later." I gave him another quick kiss and stepped out of the car, closing the door softly.

...

**Edward's POV**

I sighed, missing Bella as I drove into the garage behind the house. I hated leaving her so soon after being separated, but I also wanted to organize a surprise for her. I ran upstairs and showered, smelling Bella everywhere as the steam picked up her scent from where she'd slept against me.

Then I dressed and pulled out my phone, opening my mother's jewellery box slowly as the call went through.

"Hi, Renee. It's Edward Cullen."

"Oh, hi! How are you, sweetheart?" She replied delightedly.

"I'm well, thanks. I don't know if Bella mentioned that I was back... in town. But I was wondering we could team up to give her an early birthday surprise."

She laughed, "Yes, she did tell me. What were you thinking?"

I took a breath and explained, hoping she didn't hate me as Charlie had and that she didn't think I was a fool.

"Wow, Edward." She sighed and I waited for the 'that is so ridiculous' to follow. But it didn't. "I think you may know my daughter better than I ever have. She'll love it."

"Oh." I struggled for a response and she laughed light – a laugh only slightly different to Bella, slightly breathier. I wondered if she'd once laughed exactly like her daughter and had purposely added the seductive note, or if it had come with age and multiple husbands.

"I'm so happy for you both; you just seem to complete each other. To perfect each other. She smoothes over your rough edges and you hers. Don't tell Bella I said this, but I wasn't sure she would connect with anyone while she was so reserved; and content with her own company. Her father was always like that to an extent, but not so much when he was younger. Maybe she thought that the right person would find her all long."

Mentally, I corrected her description of Bella. She wasn't reserved, she was thoughtful. With a touch of quietness. I smiled to myself, "I don't know, I think she snuck on me more than my having anything to do with it."

"She told me the same thing; you must have snuck up on each other. When she told me about you at the beginning, I underestimated her. She said it was a crush and I believed her. Don't make the same mistake, she loves you so much more than I can describe. And don't leave her again; she won't come back to you.

"She inherited a stubborn pride from her father, and even if that allows her to come back to you, she'll be taken. You're not the only one interested. Really, all the warning you need should be this: Jacob Ephraim Black. Charlie told me about him, but he's not the one who told me his middle name." Her tone was intentionally meaningful, but any sharpness she tried to inject was lost to the smile shaping her words.

"I understand, Renee. I'm not leaving again."

**Bella's POV**

I went over the idea in my head several times. It was not sounding any more reasonable. Yet, I didn't have much choice... well, perhaps _choice_ wasn't the best word. I just didn't want to ignore it. What I wanted was my pack back.

I ran downstairs before I could change my mind, gripping the railing as I went. I grabbed my converse from the door and walked into the living room. "I'm going out."

He glanced back at me, "with Edward?"

"Um, no... I was planning to go to the Blacks. For a quick visit."

He frowned and made 'hmmph' noise.

I shuffled my feet a little, expecting trouble.

"Say hi to Billy for me." He turned back to the TV, still frowning.

"Okay... I'll be back in an hour or so."

He nodded and raised his beer to me, focusing on the game. "Be back by midnight."

I bobbed my head, though he couldn't see, and pulled on my shoes hurriedly.

I grabbed my phone and text Alice:

_Tell Edward and I'm taking off this nail polish_.

She replied instantly:

_Don't be silly, we both know you love it. I'll txt him in 30 minutes. It's not safe_.

I sighed and resigned to my fate, slamming the car door behind me. Vampires.

As I turned into the Black's street twenty minutes later, I saw Seth of the side of the road, waving me down.

I pulled over and wound down the window, leaning over to talk to him.

"Hey, Bella. It's good to see you." He had his hands in his pockets and kicked his feet into the dirt.

"Hi, I just came to talk to Jacob. Do you know if he's home?"

"Yep. He's watching the game with Billy. I'm... I'm sorry for what happened, Bella."

I nodded, "It's okay, Seth. I'm all healed up now. Just a little scar left." I brushed my hand over my forehead absently, running my fingertips over the slightly tender scar tissue.

"No, I didn't mean that. I meant what the pack did. It wasn't right. You're honorary pack, you belong, no matter who calls you theirs."

"Thank you, really." I replied sincerely.

"The others didn't mean it, either, they were just upset. It's in our natures, being volatile creatures. When they woke up and realized, they regretted it. Especially Jake, he went crazy worrying after the crash. For what it's worth, I think Edward isn't so bad..." He bit his lip, not saying more though he looked like he wanted to.

I nodded, slightly puzzled by it all and thanked him. He declined a lift, saying he was on watch duty in a few minutes, and I drove to the old house where I could see lights on and the TV through the window.

This was going to be awkward, but maybe Seth was right and they didn't mean it.

I sighed, pulling out my phone and hoping thirty minutes hadn't passed.

Apparently not, since there weren't any angry texts, yet. I quickly typed in a message to Edward:

_I'm in La Push. Visiting Jacob. I don't want to leave things like this with him. Calm down, I'll be home soon. _

I sighed again at the call that came through seconds later.

"Let me come get you." He began.

"What would I do with the truck?"

"I would come back for it later." His voice was calm and smooth, and I knew it had to be put on.

"I have to do this."

"Of course you do." He blew out a frustrated sigh. "Couldn't you have met up with him in daylight? In Forks?" He paused but didn't wait for a reply. "Honestly, Bella, if anything happens... Call me as soon as you leave him. Before you start the car. Promise."

I rolled my eyes, "Yes, before I even put the keys in the ignition. I promise."

He laughed softly, "After you put the heat on, I don't want you freezing."

"After the heats on, before the car starts." I teased. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Why aren't you furious?"

"I love you, Bella. Go make up with your friend. And tell him to keep his claws away. Then call." Then he hung p

I smiled to the empty cab, opening the door and sliding out. At least I had Edward on my side.

**Edward's POV**

I glared at the text I'd just received from Alice, knowing she would have known before this.

_Thanks for the warning_.

I text back, hoping she saw the sarcasm I intended.

_You wouldn't have stopped her. xx A._

Ignoring that, I went back through my wardrobe, trying to find the jacket I knew Bella loved. I knew why she'd done it. I couldn't reconcile this reasoning with my concern. If Bella was at all harmed, I would hunt him down.

_Don't break the treaty_, Alice text. _Wear the white shirt instead_.

I ignore this also, sighing.

_Actually, the navy t-shirt. Trust me. Put it on now. Edward. Do it_. She text again.

Changing out of the grey shirt I was wearing, I text back: _Happy? Leave me to stress about Bella in peace_.

My phone beeped again. _You look adorable, so yes. She'll be leaving soon; you should wait at the treaty line. Happy? :P_

_Yes. Thank you_. I replied grabbing the first jacket I could find.

**Bella's POV**

Once I'd escaped the crushing bear hug Jacob forced on me before the door was all the way open, the awkward apologies and the regretful looks, I was allowed into the house. Billy called a hello as Jake led me to his room.

"It's so good to see you. I can't believe those vamps wouldn't let me call you. And Charlie... Well, I deserved it. I am sorry, Bella. I feel like a jerk, honestly. I wish I'd never hurt you." Jacob regarded me sadly.

I bit my lip to stop myself from pointing out that he'd promised to never hurt me, yet he had, so maybe he was a jerk. "I forgive you, Jake. And it wasn't the vamps that wouldn't let you call."

He looked down, playing with the comforter. "I guess I hoped that wasn't it. How are you feeling?"

Once I'd explained the injuries and how they'd healed, we were left with awkward silence.

"So, friends...?" I asked tentatively.

"Always. Even if you choose him and ruin your life." He said it as a joke, but I saw the sincerity behind it.

"Jake... I choose him." I pause to pick my words carefully. "I will keep choosing him. Not because of you, or who you are or anything you've done. But because I love him so insanely much." I notice his slight wince and sigh, taking his hand and playing with his fingers. "Do you understand what I mean? I can't just choose."

"I guess I can't make you love me." Jacob says nonchalantly, briefly meeting my eyes.

"Jacob," I sighed, "I love you. But it's different, so consuming and all encompassing, with him. I think... I couldn't take you away from _your_ soul mate. I can't be with you knowing that we aren't meant to be together, that there is someone else out there who loves you like I love Edward and who wouldn't be able to have you because of me. It wouldn't be fair. I hope you understand." I bit my lip, looking into his disappointed; sorrowful eyes. "Maybe someday."

With that, I left him.

And as I walked away, I was consumed with guilt. I could sense he was on the verge of tears as I left; but knowing I'd made strong, happy Jacob cry was not something I wanted to reminisce on. Especially if I didn't want to cry myself.

**Edward's POV**

I leant against the Volvo, waiting for Bella's call – or the sound of her truck. Her independence made her somewhat unpredictable. Fortunately, it was her phone call that came first.

"I'm on my way home now." Her voice was hard, telling me not to question.

"Alright, I'm at the treaty line, I'll follow you home and park down the street. I'll wait for you in your room."

"Love you."

"Love you too." I replied.

She hung up and I got in the car, following the Chevy as it drove past.

Once I saw she was safely parked, I drove on and stopped a few houses down. I took a detour through the forest on my way to Bella's, just in case a curious neighbour was watching.

A few minutes later, Bella walked into the room, pulling off her sweater. She closed the door with her back, resting there for a moment.

"What happened?" I asked quietly.

She shook her head, pulling off her converse and throwing the vaguely in the direction of the wardrobe. "We talked. He understands that I'm with you. There wasn't much more to discuss after that."

I raised an eyebrow as she pulled off her jeans, walking over to the desk chair and grabbing a pair of sleep shorts to pull on.

"He was... upset." Her mouth tightened into a line, her lips sinking into her bottom lip ferociously.

I watched her step into the shorts clumsily and then opened my arms in invitation. She walked over slowly, sinking into the bed beside me and wrapping her arms around my waist. "It's not your fault; there was nothing you could do. Shhh, he'll be alright." I kissed her forehead, seeing the first few tears slide down her cheeks before she sobbed and buried her face in my t-shirt. _Thank you, Alice_.

Her hands fisted in my t-shirt and stayed that way as she cried for hours. At times quiet, other breathlessly; taking huge gasps to get oxygen and then choking on it. All the while, I held her shaking form to me, wishing I had a heartbeat to reassure her. Wishing I could do something.

At 1 A.M. I pulled her back a little, taking in her red eyes as she rubbed at them.

"Come on, sweetheart, you need to get some sleep."

She nodded slighting and I pulled the covers down, dragging her on my lap up to the top of the bed and laying her down on top of me. She started sobbing again, clutching my t-shirt in her fist. I combed her hair back, resting my hand on her shoulder.

"Bella, I love you. I love you so much. Shhh." I repeated it like a mantra, whispering it into her hair over and over.

Around three-thirty, she fell asleep and her quiet stillness worried me, her hand still fisted in my t-shirt.

If I was able to cry, I would have then, but I couldn't. So I stared up at the ceiling, thinking of her tears drying on my shirt and how I'd done this, in a way. Feeling my chest tighten, like a building cry, but knowing it would never reach the surface. I scrunched up my eyes, but no tears fell. And the darkness behind my eyes wasn't a welcome sight, so I opened them again and looked at the white paint above me, the shadows the moon cast.

**A/N**: Let me know what you think of this chapter!


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N**: _Foxyvictorianagurl _– Thank you for your time and encouragement, as requested:

Warning: This chapter nearly caused the death of one Beta who vaguely knew the contents, only read while sitting down with a box of chocolates.

Chapter 14 –

**Edward's POV**

I made breakfast for Bella the next morning as she showered, wondering at her thoughts yet again. She'd acted as she normally did this morning, the only signs that she'd spent the night crying were the dried tear tracks on her cheeks and the stains on my t-shirt. It was good that she'd recovered so quickly... and a little concerning. What was going on in her head? If only I could hear her thoughts as I heard everyone else's. If only I could hate Jacob Black, and take this out on him.

But it was impossible to fault him for loving Bella – she was so beautiful and smart, so compassionate and wise – or to blame him for making her cry when all he'd done was mourn her loss. I had done the same so many times, wishing for the ability to cry. That he had that power, and had wept as she left, was not something I could use against him. Even if it had caused her sadness last night. Surprised at the respect I was giving the mutt, I focused on the chocolate-chip pancakes I was frying; Bella's secret pleasure.

When she emerged in jeans and a long sleeve black t-shirt – not something my sister would have bought her – I placed her food down and gave her a considering look. Her hair was down in waves, hiding half her face, but she hadn't done anything else unusual. She ate slowly, quietly, and I let her have her peace.

The same continued on the drive to college. She let me drive, which was odd, and sat silently for most of the trip, a notebook in her lap that she didn't study. I offered to meet her after her classes, she declined and said she'd see me later, at her place.

When I turned up at her house as she was making dinner, she told me she wanted to have dinner with Charlie and sent me upstairs to wait for her. Then after dinner she came and studied at her computer, wrote an email to Renee and only spoke to ask me if I knew something she couldn't find on Google, or if I could get her textbook from the other side of the room. Sometimes I'd look up from the book I was re-reading – Wuthering Heights, at her insistence – and find her staring into space, caught up in some unpleasant thought that turned the corners of her mouth down.

This continued over the next few days, though she talked a little more about her day and other meaningless things: "I have to write a report for my British Literature class this afternoon, so I'll stay at the library late. Some of the other girls are having a study session; it should be fun." The sentences were longer, but I still wasn't getting anything from her.

The only sign I had that she wanted me there at all were the hugs she'd allow me as she got out of the car, the way she gripped my shirt in her sleep. The easy confidence she had in snuggling up in my lap as she went to sleep. At least in her dreams, she asked me to stay; asked me to love her like she loved me.

On the fourth day – a Saturday - I gave in. She had spent the morning at the college's cafe library; though she'd told me before that she preferred to work at home, then she'd come home and started making lunch. I was beginning to feel like a stalker, following her around and trying to talk to her. Now she sat on her bed, looking up at me with those huge brown eyes, like I was about to tell her I'd eaten her father.

**Bella's POV**

_Don't be an idiot, Bella_, I mentally scolded, even as I confessed what had been on my mind. There was only so much I could resist and after ten minutes of questioning and heart-stopping eye contact with those smouldering golden pools, I could go on no longer. He knew me too well.

"It's my birthday next month, and it just got me thinking about everything." I blushed and gave him a remorseful look. Sometimes, it was easy to forget that he had left me, that at one point he had been able to look me in the eye and say 'I don't love you, I don't want you.' But once I remembered, the doubts were inescapable. Perhaps, if I pushed him in any way – like by suggesting we spend forever together – he would also remember and decide he'd been mistaken and he really didn't want me.

I was torn by feeling ridiculous for thinking like this with him looking at me as he was and by wanting to go curl up in a hole somewhere and hide from it all.

His eyebrows rose fractionally and he gave me a hard look, "Everything?" He gave nothing else away.

I bit my lip. "About my life. My friends and family and my job and the future. And us." I stumbled over my words, desperate to not lose him and to make him see and to escape this conversation, all at once.

The hard look remained. "What are you trying to say, Bella?"

I struggled to think of the right way to explain, wondering where the adult Bella of the last two years had gone. "I don't know. I want... something more." I shook my head, "I don't know. I want to be with you... forever. Not to be weak, like this, always on the verge of losing you."

"Bella, do not regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many." He stated, turning away from me and staring out the window. I expected him to leave and watched for several long minutes, waiting for the sound of the window sliding open. Would I even be able to see him go, or would it be too fast?

I heard him sigh, "Breathe, love." I complied shakily, watching as he moved to sit in the rocking chair, watching me in return.

"I suppose it could be worse. I thought you were... breaking up with me." He gave me a slight smile.

I laughed softly; without humour.

"Relax, Bella, I'm not going anywhere. Well, not unless you want me to." The smile was still there, but there was apprehension and sadness in his eyes.

"Don't you know I love you?" I frowned at him.

He chuckled and walked over to sit in front of me. "I love you to, trust me; so much. I couldn't live without you." He leaned in, kissing me fiercely and pulling away much too soon. His eyes sparkled in the dim lamp light. "Do you really want to be with me for all eternity?"

"Yes," I replied immediately, maybe a little too enthusiastically because he laughed again. "Absolutely every day of forever."

He leaned his forehead against mine, smiling, "Every minute of forever."

"Every second." I replied quietly.

"Then it's unavoidable, isn't it?"

I nodded as much as I could without moving my head away from his, grinning like a fool.

"Can I ask you to do one thing for me first, Bella?" He asked solemnly, his eyes both searching and smiling at their findings.

"What is it?"

"Marry me, Isabella Marie Swan. Will you marry me and spend every second of forever with me?" His fingers threaded through mine and squeezed lightly.

**Edward's POV**

Her eyes searched my face, her grin faltering and I watched as a single tear rolled over her cheek; using our joint hands to brush it away. She opened her mouth and closed it again. Her heart stammered out a staccato rhythm in the quiet, her breaths halting. I stopped breathing all together, waiting.

She opened her mouth again as another tear fell and whispered, "Yes."

"Yes?" I whispered back, watching the way her lips curved into a slow smile and her warm eyes crinkled at the corners.

"Yes." She repeated louder, her eyes daring me to question her acceptance.

And so I didn't. I leaned in and brushed my lips against hers, kissing each corner of her mouth, her forehead, her nose, both her cheeks. "God help me, but I love you, Bella." I kissed along the edge of her jaw. "I adore you." Down her neck and across her collarbone. "I worship you." Back up the other side of her neck, my lips hovering just over hers. "Forever." And she crushed her lips against mine, smiling as I kissed her back and stole her breath.

"I love you too, Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, you better remember that from now on." She murmured with a mock stare, before pulling me closer and kissing me fiercely.

**A/N**:_ Don't I deserve a review for that?_


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N**: Thank you all for the reviews, it's great to know you loved chapter 14 as much as me. Thanks a million times over to my beta, foxyvictorianagurl: literally everyone would be lost without you, reading chapter 16 before chapter 14 and completely confused. :)  
Everyone go read her story! (After you review, hehe)

_Chapter – 15_

**Edward's POV**

A mental squeal interrupted the moment, growing near and louder. I leaned back from Bella. "Oh no."

"What is it?" Bella asked.

I didn't have a chance to answer before there was a knock at the front door. I gestured for Bella to go ahead and followed as she hesitantly made her way down the stairs and to the door.

Alice grabbed her into a hug, knocking Bella backwards and against my chest. Alice then pulled me into the hug too, sandwiching a helpless Bella between us and jumping up and down. I glanced over Alice's shoulder at her husband, raising my eyebrows.

_I can't tame her_, He thought, while laughing.

Alice finally let go and grabbed Bella's hands, spinning her around and jumping up and down. Surprisingly, Bella joined in; jumping and laughing with Alice.

"You're going to be my legitimate sister!"

Bella smiled at me over her shoulder, "Yes, though no one pre-warned me about how fast news travels in this family."

I chucked and wrapped my arms around her waist, "You'll get used to it."

"Or you'll adjust to be just as fast..." Alice giggled.

"Congratulations, you both deserve every happiness." Jasper drawled, smiling.

"Thank you. It's good to have you both here to celebrate." Bella replied.

I looked around at the unrestrained joy on each of their faces and couldn't help my own face-splitting smile.

"Well, we should celebrate then." Carlisle said, softly knocking on the open door as he walked in. "Alice texted me. Congratulations!" He pulled Bella into a hug and kissed her cheek, then turned to grip my shoulder, "It's about time."

"Yes, it is." I replied.

**Bella's POV**

We were all sitting in the lounge room, a bottle of sparkling guava juice and a plate of snacks that Alice had sent Jasper to get on the table. Alice was drilling me about how Edward had proposed, despite having seen it in a prediction.

"Alice, you already know all this." I sighed.

"Consider it practice for when you have to tell Esme and Rosalie tomorrow," She grinned smugly, "They're flying in with Emmett. And I booked you and Edward tickets to go see your mom this weekend."

I rolled my eyes and thanked her, turning to smile at Edward – who was chuckling as he listened to advice from Jasper and Carlisle. His eyes sparkled amber in the low light and he looked beautiful, an ancient statue carved out of bronze and marble.

"At which point, you must always concede defeat. You don't want to continue arguing after that, under any circumstances." Jasper finished.

"Bella isn't going to be upset if you don't want to go shopping, though." Carlisle added.

The vampires in the room – also known as everyone but me –sat up straighter and looked around at each other.

"So, Bella, have you thought about how you're going to tell Charlie?" Carlisle asked.

I eyed him suspiciously, "Why?"

He nodded towards the front window as Charlie's headlights illuminated the drive way.

At my panicked look Edward took my hand, "You don't have to tell him yet... I haven't given you a ring yet, or asked him."

"I would marry you no matter what he said..." I replied distractedly. Charlie's car door opened. _Oh no_.

"Let me ask him first. And get you a ring. I promise I'll do it before we go to tell your mom, don't worry." Edward murmured, squeezing my hand. He looked around the room pointedly as Charlie's keys rattled in the door.

He glanced back at me questioningly as the door opened.

"Ok." I whispered, squeezing his hand back and sighing. I was ecstatic and anxious, excited and having a melt-down. This was what I wanted... yet I hadn't realized how much I wanted to make our relationship official, even legally binding. Vampires had to adhere to the law too, I hoped.

"Bells – Oh. I didn't know we were having people over." Charlie said, smiling at Alice and Carlisle.

"Hey, Dad, it wasn't planned, we were just celebrating..." I greeted.

"I finally got accepted to college in Portland." Edward finished for me, smiling at Charlie.

"Oh, well, congratulations." Charlie nodded and turned to hang up his jacket, joining us on the couch.

"I'll start dinner soon," I began, but Jasper interrupted.

"I already ordered Chinese when I was out getting the entree, sorry, I didn't think you'd want to cook." He smiled and managed to look regretful.

Translation: I was still healing and shouldn't be allowed to do anything. Well, maybe get married.

Still, I couldn't help but smile – Jasper had that effect, even without his abilities. "No, it's fine. Thank you."

"I'll go pick it up now that Charlie's here." He kissed Alice's forehead and left to get the food – and probably a car or two, to make it look more legitimate when they were leaving.

"What course will you be taking?" Charlie asked Edward.

Edward had been choosing between English Literature (to be with me) and Psychiatry; something he hadn't done in a long time and was sure would have changed enough to remain interesting. Secretly, I thought he wanted to take the course because of what he'd heard about the time he'd been away. He'd tried to make amends for causing me so much pain and wanted to fix any damage he'd done. As if his return wasn't enough.

"Psychiatry." Edward replied, smiling at Carlisle who was giving him a proud look.

_This is what I want_, I thought. _To be with him, here, going to college together and setting up a life... But I couldn't wait to begin our forever, and I couldn't remain here if I became a vampire_. I sighed; it was going to be a complicated eternity.

...

**Edward's POV**

Once Charlie had left the room to get a drink I kissed Bella quickly on the lips and stood.

_How could he say no, after how you've looked after her?_ Carlisle thought in his usual compassionate way.

_Very easily_, I thought, remembering how I'd left her shattered and depressed. I nodded at Carlisle in acknowledgement and followed Charlie to the kitchen.

"Excuse me, Chief Swan, could I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yes?" Charlie asked, eyes narrowing in one of the few signs he gave that he hadn't forgotten the pain I'd once caused.

"Bella," I paused, quickly gathering my thoughts in a way uncommon for my kind, "is the most amazing creature I have ever encountered. She's incredibly intelligent and witty, courageous and strong. She's so brilliant; sometimes it hurts to look at her. I have not spent a second without her on my mind since I met her. I don't think I could live a day without her... I know I left her once, but I thought it was the right thing for her at the time. I never thought that the separation would affect her like it did, I didn't think..." I blew out a slow breath, "I am eternally regretful and I will never leave her again."

I looked down, away from his unflinching gaze, and continued. "Please don't force me to break that promise... Let me marry her and I'll protect her and care for her and love her every single day. Can I please have your daughters hand in marriage?"

Charlie sighed, both expectant and surprised. "Son, that was something... But it's not my decision."

"I understand that it isn't expected that I ask you, as her father, first. But this is the way I was raised, Chief Swan...It would mean a great deal to me that you approve. And to Bella, I'm sure." I replied quietly, maintaining eye contact with him.

He sighed again and waved his hand vaguely, "Well, go on then. You can ask her, you have my approval. I know you'll look after her, but if you every hurt her again, nothing in this world will protect you. Don't forget that."

I smiled slightly, wondering if that was true. "Thank you, sir. I'll look after her."

"When are you going to do it?" He asked.

"Soon. But I'd like to do something special... and give her my mother's ring. She deserves a grand gesture."

Charlie nodded his assent and took a sip from his beer, straightening up from where he'd been leaning against the bench – much as his daughter did when she faced me off. "We should get back in there." He paused as he passed me, "Your father must be real proud of you, Edward."

I followed him back into the lounge, surprised by his words. I grinned at my family as I sat down, thrilled that everything was going so perfectly recently.

"What took you so long?" Alice asked, eyes twinkling.

"I was just congratulating Edward on getting into college. Going to have another doctor in the family, huh?" Charlie smiled and raised his beer at Carlisle.

Carlisle smiled back, "Indeed, I can't take much credit though. Edward doesn't need much direction to be who he is."

Bella's sweet laughter filled the air and she leaned against my shoulder, "He doesn't take much direction, either."

I smiled down at her and wrapped an arm around her waist, inhaling the strawberries and sugar smell that was distinctly Bella. _That I could stay like this forever..._


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N**: I'm dedicating this chapter to _foxyvictorianagurl_ – an amazing writer, and my favourite beta ever. She keeps the chapters in order, stops me from going over-kill with commas and inspires this story with her ideas. As if that isn't enough, she's also a lovely person, so I figured she deserves this chapter.

* * *

Chapter 16–

**Bella's POV**

Edward was whistling as he drove me to work. _Whistling_. I couldn't decide if the absurdity of a vampire, my vampire especially, whistling was amusing or concerning.

"Did you have a nice hunt last night?" I asked.

"Yes," He grinned at me and then turned back to the road.

"Catch anything good?"

"Mm-hmm..." He kept smiling and started whistling again.

I shook my head and smiled, he was crazy. But I could understand his happiness; I was refraining from dancing around with my own joy. We were getting married, I was becoming a vampire, and we would be together forever... It was amazing, in a jaw-dropped-to-the-floor, can't-even-blink, kind of way. How we'd gotten to this point was beyond me, just a blur of emotion and things trying to keep us apart. Sometimes I wondered if it hadn't been the universe keeping us apart, but rather trying to get us to wake up to ourselves and stay together. Make this last.

"I'll pick you up this afternoon?" He asked cheerfully, pulling into the parking lot behind the store.

"Um, yeah..." I got lost in the molten gold of his eyes, smiling down at me, and then remembered myself. "Actually, I have to work until 6. Meet you here then?"

"Yes," He grinned and kissed me quickly, "I have class this morning."

"I know," I replied, laughing. "You told me at breakfast. Have fun in Psych 101."

He nodded, "Have a wonderful day, fiancé mine." He smiled mischievously and leant over to open my car door for me, brushing up against me.

I sucked in a breath at the contact and he chuckled, leaning back. "See you at 6, Bella."

He kissed me, moving his lips against mine and brushing his tongue over the inside edge. His eyes were sparkling when he moved back, unclasping my seat belt as he went.

I stumbled out of the car with a breathless, "Bye."

He laughed and drove off, smiling at me in the rear view mirror and looking heart-stopping; unfairly beautiful.

I spent the rest of the day in my delirious happiness, smiling at the delivery boy and complimenting customers. Edward turned up in the early afternoon with a toasted wrap for me and then disappeared back to college, ensuring my thoughts stayed caught up on him all day.

That and the multitude of texts he sent had me grinning and imagining his velvet-smooth voice, his smouldering eyes, his petal soft lips, and his cool, strong embrace, instead of stocktaking the dictionaries, or labelling the latest Nicholas Sparks novel. Fittingly, I set up a 'FIND LOVE' sign and a pyramid of romance novels in a display at the front of the store, surrounding it with cut out, paper hearts.

Edward was waiting in the Volvo, heat already on and soft music playing, when I finished up. Ellie Goulding sung about love and "your song" and I smiled at Edward as he drove, lights playing over his face, thinking how appropriate it was. When she sung "how wonderful life is now you're in my world" Edward joined in, his voice quiet and powerful as he glanced at me.

I watched him, enjoying his voice, until the song changed and he smiled at me. "How was your day?"

"Great, thanks. How was yours? Do you like your classes? And your professors?"

He chuckled, "It was perfect. We didn't really get into anything practical, we were doing theory and history, but it was good. I picked the right course, I think."

I nodded, getting him to tell me everything about it – from where his classes were held to specifics on what he'd learnt. He chuckled and went through his day.

"There really isn't a lot of basis to it, I remember from my last psych degree, but it continues through time, fortunately we're not focusing on functionalism but rather sociology." He finished.

I knocked my shoulder softly against his, "Look at you, all knowledgeable and laptop-wielding."

He laughed and shook his head. "You're far more wise."

I glanced out the window and noticed that we were exiting the freeway into the heart of Portland, rather than going in the opposite direction, to Forks.

He noticed my confusion and grinned. I waited but he just gave me a cute little smirk and turned back to the road.

"Is this the part where you take me to your dungeon, don a black velvet cape and drink my blood?" I questioned, smiling.

He chuckled, "Yes, I thought you'd make a delicious dinner. Unfortunately, though, I lost my cape last week. So you're just going to have to settle for a salad at a restaurant. I could request a dark and cobwebbed table if you'd like?"

I laughed and bit my lip, "Where are we going to find this dark and cobwebbed table?"

"Patience, little Bella, you'll learn the way of the vampire soon enough."

I watched out the window, curiosity making me restless, as he continued driving. He wouldn't give any more away and seemed to enjoy my impatience more than any future husband should.

When we pulled into the circular drive of The Nines, I raised my eyebrows at him. We were going to a hotel? Sure, it was a five-star, world-renowned hotel, but still. Were we staying here?

The valet opened my door to me, bowing slightly in greeting and Edward handed him the keys. Edward walked up to the concierge, holding my hand, and stated his name. The man smiled and nodded to a manager, who rushed over to greet him and lead us up a marble staircase to the next level.

"The private dining room you requested is just through here, should I have your dinner sent in?"

"Yes, thank you."

She nodded and flitted away in her heels, making me feel underdressed. At least I was wearing an Alice-approved outfit, thanks to her calling and bossing me around this morning. She'd even made Edward take a picture and send it to her.

I noticed Edward was in a pair of black pants and a soft, sky blue shirt; untucked and with the sleeves rolled up. Of course he looked gorgeous, while I was in work clothes and my hair was decidedly unco-operative as I smoothed it down.

He smiled at me, opening the door to a chandelier-lit room. The soothing notes of Clair de Lune drifted out as he motioned me in and I stood just inside, taking in the massive bowl of sunflowers and the gourmet salad on the table.

I turned to him as he shut the door and wrapped an arm around his waist. "This is beautiful, Edward."

"_You_ are beautiful; this is nothing in comparison." He kissed my cheek and pulled my chair out, smiling at my blush. "I thought we should celebrate properly."

"Oh," I bit my lip, wondering if that included going up to a hotel room afterwards, and if so, what that would entail...I blushed again. "Well, it's lovely. Thank you."

"You deserve it. I'm just so happy you said yes." He gave me a relieved smile.

I laughed and he poured me a class of cola from an expensive looking jug, gesturing that I should help myself to the salad.

"We'll have champagne at the wedding, but I thought with Charlie around it was safest not to push the rules at the moment."

A waiter dressed in black walked in with a tray and set down a bowl of soup and a plate of bread, then disappeared out the door. I grinned at Edward when I found the bread still warm and freshly baked. "This is delicious. And you don't even eat."

He chuckled, "Wait until you see the main."

**Edward's POV**

I smiled as Bella bit her lip, taking in the selection of her favourite foods that had been set out in front of her.

"This all looks so good, but I can't eat it all. Mmm..." She closed her eyes as she savoured a mouthful of the gourmet cheese burger.

"You can always get the leftovers to take away." I smiled, enjoying her happiness, but nervous for what was to come. I'd already done it, but this just seemed more official...More likely to warrant rejection.

….

When Bella was finished her main course and a waitress had taken the leftovers and returned with a bag of tinfoil swans, I led Bella out to the waiting car.

I took a deep breath, forcing calm, as I walked around the car. Bella watched the buildings and lights of Portland fly past; not noticing which direction I was going in. The trip was under ten minutes and I focused on the road, though I could hear Alice's thoughts.

_Everything's ready, Edward, I'll stay out of the way while you're here_. She thought.

I went to nod before realizing how pointless that would be, pulling into the gravel path that led to a small car park.

**Bella's POV**

I looked up as we pulled off the road. So we weren't going home.

Edward parked and jumped out of the car, rushing to open my door. As I stepped out I took in the admissions gate, surrounded by fairy lights, and the "Welcome to Portland Japanese Garden" sign.

Edward gestured to me to follow him, and then moved through the gate and down a path lit with hundreds of small, solar powered lamps. The moonlight overhead gave everything a soft glow, illuminating the park.

"I thought you might enjoy seeing the gardens... in private." Edward said, slowing his pace to match mine.

"Oh. So it isn't open to the public?"

"No, not at the moment." His eyes stayed with me, taking in my reaction. Then he glanced away and assumed a tour guide role. "There are five different gardens, surrounded by nature. The first is up ahead."

He pointed out a building we were passing, "that's the souvenir shop."

His voice was less certain than usual, his eyes watchful of my reactions and I had the feeling he was trying to read my thoughts, yet again.

We stepped under an archway and onto a carpet of cherry blossom flowers, covered by the cherry blossom tree above. "Wow..." I murmured.

"This is the flat garden."

The cherry blossoms lead a garden of pebbles, with mondo-grass islands interspersed. The whole thing was surrounded by rounded azalea shrubs, and off to the side was a traditional Japanese pavilion.

"You can see the whole city from inside," Edward said as he let me into the pavilion.

It was magnificent, the lights and noise of Portland just distinguishable amongst this small piece of Japan.

We continued on, through a beautiful area of cherry blossoms, moss and stone that Edward said was the natural garden. This lead to a small, fenced off area that looked like one of those small Zen gardens business men kept in their office as a source of peace.

"The sand and stone garden." Edward said, "Translated from Japanese; the traditional name means 'the beauty of blank space'."

I nodded, admiring how vast the white, raked pebbles made the space seem.

The tour continued along the path, lit in some places by lanterns hanging from bridge railings and archways, other times by fairy lights. It was surreal. Edward pointed out rivers, helped me navigate down wide stone steps and over streams where there were only stepping stones. The earthy browns, greys and greens were only interrupted by pink and lilac flowering trees; illuminated by the full moon overhead.

I had a feeling that wasn't a coincidence, Edward planned well.

Edward took a deep breath before entering the next garden. "This is the strolling pond garden."

Aptly named, it was a series of simple wooden bridges – each wrapped completely with fairy lights – leading over a pond and beds of hundreds of irises. Large pines towered over the whole thing, making it feel like a sanctuary.

We stepped off the wooden bridge and passed a few short trees with orange flowers, onto another bridge.

"This is the moon bridge."Edward murmured, stepping backwards to the middle of the bridge.

The trees opened overhead and moonlight lit the area, which was surrounded by fairy lights, and a few large lanterns.

"Look up and to the right," Edward instructed, pointing, "and there's the waterfall."

"Oh. Wow." I breathed, staring up at the waterfall. It was like a massive, natural set of stairs, carved into the rock face, with water gushing down. Trees in all the shades of autumn were bordering it, mixed into the deep green landscape. Edward stopped and took a deep breath, dropping down onto one knee.

_Oh_. I inhaled deeply, too, squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again, only to find him still kneeling before me, a small; velvet box clasped in his hands. His eyes seemed huge in the moonlight, staring up at me so sincerely.

"Isabella Marie Swan... there are no words to compare to you. No harmonies or notes to do you justice. No artist clever enough to capture you. You are more brilliant than the stars, more talented and kind and beautiful than anyone else I have met in my years on Earth. Marry me and be mine.

"Make me yours; I'll be your slave forever. I won't let anything hurt you; I will give you the world. I'll proclaim to the world how much I love you, I'll give you my heart, my mind, and the soul you believe I have: all of it is yours. I don't want any of it if I can't have you, anyway. Will you please marry me, Bella, and make me the happiest; luckiest man to ever exist?"

I put my right hand over my parted lips, trying and failing to hold back the tears that filled my eyes. I let him take my left hand from where it hung at my side, looked into his pleading eyes.

"Will you marry me, Bella, please?" He whispered.

"Yes," I gasped, "yes. Yes, yes, yes!"

He sighed, smiling in relief. Then he opened the box, revealing a glittering ring that shone in the moonlight as much as Edward's skin shone in the sunlight. He gently slid the ring onto my left hand ring finger. "Thank you."

He intertwined our fingers, rising to his feet gracefully and pulling my other hand from my lips. For a moment he stared down at me in amazement, taking in my tear-filled eyes and my parted lips slowly, as if savouring the moment. Then he let go of my hands, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me into a searing kiss.

"I promise I will love you every second of forever." He whispered into my ear, his hands gliding over my back.

I nodded, "I love you, so much. Every second of forever."

He took my hand and gave me a beatific smile, pulling me close to his side as he led me across the bridge. "There's still one more garden, the tea garden."

We walked back across the zigzagging wooden bridge, over stepping stones surrounded by moss and under a bamboo gate. He paused at a blue orchid that was flowering, whispering information into my ear about this plant and that archway, the symbolic water basin in which we washed our faces, and passed into the tea house. The tea house was a sparsely furnished room with some kind of a wooden mattress on the floor that Edward explained was for tea ceremonies, then we were heading through more of the Japanese garden, and out to the pond again. We walked around the side of the pond, under a row of cherry blossoms and found a small, wrought iron table with two chairs in the middle of the path. It obviously wasn't normally there, yet it somehow worked with the garden. Edward pulled out a chair for me, and surrounded by lights, I got a good look at my new engagement ring.

Thin bands of gold linked dozens of tiny diamonds into an oval shape, some raised higher than others. It was stunning, I'd never seen anything like it, and yet it was absolutely perfect.

"Do you like it?" Edward murmured.

"Yes, it's gorgeous. I love it." I smiled, ridiculously happy.

"It was my mothers." He replied simply, picking up my hand to kiss the ring. He handed me a bag with 'Portland Japanese Garden' printed on the side, smiling.

I opened it slowly, puzzled. Inside was a bath set, which I pulled out and examined – Shobu soap, face cloth, lotion and bath salts. A souvenir book on the Gardens, chopsticks and a glass tea tumbler with the logo printed on them, a paperweight shaped like a Koi fish, silver lotus earrings and silver disc pendent with a lotus indented into it and a set of magnets with photos of the garden on them. In the very bottom, I found a Polaroid photo of the waterfall, Edward kneeling before on the bridge and looking up at me hopefully; my hand over my mouth in surprise.

Edward came around the table to look at it over my shoulder and chuckled. "This," He gestured at the contents of the bag, which I'd spread out on the table, "was Alice."

I smiled, "I'll have to thank her."

He nodded and tucked a fleece blanket with 'Portland Japanese Garden' stitched onto it around me, moving back to his seat. "Help yourself to dessert."

I picked up a thermos of hot chocolate and took a sip, smiling at him over the rim. "Thank you, Edward, this was all so beautiful... ethereal."

"It was my pleasure." He grinned and picked up a chocolate dipped strawberry, slowly bringing it to my lips and staring longingly at it as I bit down. "I'm so glad you're going to marry me." He said softly.

"I'm glad you're going to marry _me_." I grinned.

He shook his head, "Nonsense, beautiful. You could have had anyone, and you chose me. I'm eternally grateful."

"Same to you, fiancé."

He chuckled and fed me another strawberry, "How does it feel to be a bride-to-be?"

"Mm... Good. Though taking on Alice is a little daunting. Luckily, I love you more than I fear her wedding planning."

He laughed, "I am a very lucky man."


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Thanks eternally to my beta, _foxyvictorianagurl_! Check out her story, not going to lie, it rocks.

Chapter 17 –

**Edward's POV**

"No, Alice..." Bella murmured in her sleep, frowning. "Not black!"

Her slurred voice was the only sound in the quiet and I smiled, amused. Whatever she was dreaming about, it was sure to include my sister and shopping.

I restrained a chuckle and slid out of bed and out the window. The Volvo was parked around the corner, Alice sitting in the passenger seat, and I was due at the airport in an hour.

Once we'd found a park and found the terminal, we waited. Alice grinned at me and pulled out a cardboard sign with 'RENEE DWYER' printed in black marker. Ridiculously, she wanted to play the part of taxi driver to perfection, despite this being my future mother in law – or perhaps because she was my future mother in law. Renee strolled through the security gate shortly after and waved enthusiastically, smiling.

"Hey you!" She greeted as she pulled me into a loose hug. She turned to Alice, "Hi, sweetheart, your hair looks great! When did you change it?"

"Thanks! When we moved to LA, the heat was driving me crazy. This is so much easier," Alice smiled and fluffed up a few curls.

"Well, it looks lovely. And you," She turned to me, taking a step back and surveying me. "You look the same... I approve." She smiled and bit her lip simultaneously, "How's my daughter?"

**Bella's POV**

I stretched as I rolled over, opening my eyes slightly in search of Edward. How strange it was that in such a short time it had become natural that he would be here. The sun trickled dully through the window, the curtains half drawn. My eyes scanned the room as I quietly called his name, finally coming to rest on the form in the rocking chair.

Who was not Edward.

"Good morning, Bella. Sorry to startle you. Edward asked for me to uh, wait for you to wake up so you wouldn't... wake up alone." Jasper said softly.

"Oh." I stared at him for a moment, thinking it was far too early in the morning for thinking. "Where's Edward?"

"He's dealing with some, um, family business. He should be back after you've had breakfast. What would you like?" His southern accent drew out the words beautifully and I smiled; amused.

"You don't have to make me breakfast. Really, I can look after myself. I don't need a baby sitter."

"I'm sorry if I've offended you, Edward was... insistent. I can't say I disagree, on this occasion. Now, what would you like for breakfast? I'll cook while you shower." His accent seemed to call for a ma'am at the end of each question.

I sighed and shook my head, sitting up. "It's alright, I know how he is. Hmmm... maybe some toast?"

He stood up, "Coffee?"

I slid off the bed and yawned, trying to subtly pull down my sleep shorts. "Yes please. Two sugars and some milk. Thank you." I smiled and pulled on a bath robe.

"I see you have a fresh supply of O positive I can have for breakfast," He grinned and playfully grabbed my wrist in a flash. "Yum, human. Better than a grizzly bear."

My breath caught for a moment, not in the way it did with Edward, and I laughed slightly to cover it.

"Don't be afraid, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm sorry about what happened on your birthday... I'm more in control now." He shook his head, releasing my wrist. "I'm sorry it lead to... I tried to stop him from leaving, to make him come back. But I was confused myself, I couldn't affect his feelings convincingly."

"It's fine, really Jasper –"

"I know, I can feel it. Sometimes you need to say things, just to make sure they're heard. To ensure the person knows." He drawled, turning to walk out the door. "Have a nice shower!" He called over his shoulder.

I shook my head and went to find a change of clothes, thinking through what he'd said.

Descending the stairs, warmth from the shower clinging to my skin; trapped by the thick sweater I wore and the smell of something delicious in the air... I was in heaven. My own nirvana – engaged to this unbelievable , clever, beautiful, intelligent man and getting everything I'd ever wanted. Most of which I'd never thought to want.

Jasper hummed to himself, standing over the stove. "I thought something sweeter might better fit your mood, so I made French toast."

"Thank you, you didn't need to go to so much trouble."

"Well, I have to look after my little-sister-to-be. Did you know we're be the same age... minus my vampire years?" He looked over his shoulder, smiling. "Having you as a part of the family, somewhat separate from Edward, has made us all much more protective of you. I feel like warning him off, to some extent." He laughed, "I wouldn't dare, though."

...

**Edward's POV**

I dropped Alice and Renee off at the house to get ready and drove to Bella's.

"Hello, lovely." I greeted as she opened the door, pulling her into a hug. "I trust you had a good morning?"

She nodded to Jasper over her shoulder, "Yeah, we had fun, actually."

"Well, you can tell me about it on the way to Alice's funhouse. She has demanded a makeover day with you and I am not going to stand in her way, you're too stressed with exams."

She sighed and pulled her coat off the hook. "I want to go over what she's doing with my wedding clothes, anyway. I don't want her left to do it all, you know?"

I nodded and grinned, "You want to have some involvement in planning our wedding, I understand. It's Alice, you have to rein her in."

...

"It's getting cooler," Bella mentioned casually as we walked around the back of the house.

Unaware of the temperature drop myself, I offered her my coat and smirked when she accepted and inhaled happily.

I opened the back door and Alice skipped out to hug Bella and usher her inside. Renee stood just inside and pulled Bella into a tight hug as soon as she was in reach. "Hey, darling."

Bella glanced over her shoulder and back at Renee, "Oh my god. Oh my god! Mom!" She grabbed Renee into another hug.

Renee ran a hand over the back of Bella's head, smoothing her hair. "I missed you, hon. How are you? You should email more often! I don't even know what's going on in your life." Bella and I shared a small smile at that, before Renee spun around to smile at me. "Alice told me about your college acceptance, congratulations!"

"Thank you, I'm very excited about it." I smiled sadly. "Everything is perfect at the moment."

Alice caught my eye and shook her head slightly, in a 'don't be such an Edward' gesture that was reinforced with her thoughts:

_Everything will work out, don't you trust me? I know you feel the need to brood about everything, but it's going to be wonderful. Deal with it._

I restrained a laugh and smiled at her.

**Bella's POV**

"We'll be back in a moment," Alice smiled, gracefully taking my elbow and leading me up the stairs.

"Alice!" I whispered, "What are you doing?"

She dragged me into Edward's room and grinned. "Edward's taking us out to lunch; I thought you might like to change... The restaurant will be fairly formal, Bella."

I laughed and shook my head, "Okay, fine, you could have mentioned it before you pulled me up here."

She handed me a white, above-the-knee dress with a thin red belt and ducked out of the room to let me change.

...

Edward's hand rested on my back, perilously close to my hip, as he helped me from the car. He brushed his lips across my temple, smiling. "You look beautiful, love."

"Thank you. You look breath-taking, as always." I ran a hand quickly over the shoulder of his white shirt, which he wore with the sleeves rolled up, the top few buttons undone.

His eyes smouldered as he looked down at me and in a low voice he replied, "Anything to take your breath away... to make you blush like that."

Then he walked over to Alice on the sidewalk, waiting in the short queue for the restaurant.

I gave him a goofy smile when he glanced over, still blushing.

Renee gave me a mischievous smile and took my hand, with a playful 'Mmm...' as she glanced between us. I took her hand and walked with her to Edward and Alice, ignoring her whispered, "He's some kind of lovely, isn't he?"

Once we'd been seated, I ordered for Edward and myself. Renee and her feminist tendencies gave me an approving look and I was hyper-aware of how she was watching us.

"I'm so glad Edward thought to invite me down, especially just before your birthday. You look so well, considering last time I saw you were in a hospital bed. You look so grown-up, hon." She beamed.

"Well, actually... I had another reason for inviting you. Bella and I have some news," Edward took my hand, linking our fingers. "Since you're leaving tomorrow night, I think we shouldn't delay it."

I took a deep breath and finished for him. "We're engaged. Edward proposed a few days ago."I dug through my bag, pulling out my wallet and the photo I know kept with me. It was the Polaroid from the Japanese gardens.

She squealed quietly, staring at it, then my ring and our joint hands, then the photo again. Her eyebrows rose as she looked up at us. "Wow. I mean... wow! How'd he propose?" She glanced at Edward, "It looks beautiful, darling." She handed back the photo, her smile softening into a contagious joy.

And so I told her, pausing to give Edward a chance to add bits of information I hadn't known and smiling happily as he did.

"And so the wedding saga begins," Renee joked at the end.

Alice smiled, "Actually, I'm on the planning already, everything's falling into place."

"I hope so." I teased, taking a sip of water.

Renee patted my free hand softly, "I'm so proud of you, you just seem so happy, honey."

"I am." I agreed solemnly.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N:** Thank you, world's best beta, for editing and making suggestions for this chapter, and being lovely :) This chapter is a big one, so enjoy!

Chapter 18 –

**Bella's POV**

Life is short. Once, I would have said that was an irreversible fact of life. Now, I knew that anything could change that, especially becoming a vampire. Still, it was undeniable that life was short for me – and there were no guarantees. I knew, too, that any day with these vampires could be my last... Through death or immortality, only fate would decide. So leaving my mother was hard. I loved her, so much more than I could express in the ten minutes we had left until she had to board her plane. What if this was the last time I saw her? Or spoke to her in person? What if they had to make up some horrible story about my death; to cover my rebirth or a dark accident? I didn't want to hurt her, of course, but I couldn't give up Edward.

He squeezed my hand, as though he could read my mind. I sighed and squeezed back, noticing that he was much more open with his affection now that everyone who mattered knew we were getting married. A symbol of the time he was raised in, I guessed.

"Bella, I'm so happy for you. You deserve this; I hope it continues to make you happy. And what a wonderful family you're marrying into." Renee smiled and pulled Alice into a hug, "Thank you for taking care of her, sweetheart. She needs a friend like you."

"No problem, Renee; she's part of the family." Alice responded gently.

"Yes, I can see that," She smiled as she looked at Edward and I together.

Edward disentangled from me, walking forward to take her hand. "Thank you for allowing me to marry your daughter, it's an honour. I adore her." He mock whispered the last statement, leaning forward to give her a polite kiss on the cheek.

Renee giggled, "Look after her, love her... That's all I ask."

"I will, I swear."

"And watch out for Charlie, he loves his little girl." She laughed as he stepped back.

He nodded and smiled, joining Alice a short distance away to give us some privacy. Not that they couldn't both hear, but Renee didn't know that.

She sighed and pulled me into a hug, brushing my hair back for a long minute that seemed to end too quickly. She held onto my shoulders, pulling back just enough to look into my eyes.

"I like that he makes you a little less mature, you're always so responsible... It's nice to see someone taking some of that. Though he may be even more responsible than you, you're both so mature. You worry too much. But together, anyone can see how you... complete each other." She shook her head, "It's like everything is alright in the world when you're together. Don't lose that, honey." She touched a hand to my cheek, "And don't be too serious. I was worried at first about how intense you two are together, but you're soul mates. I see that now. Just take some time to be silly every now and then."

I nodded, pulling her back into a hug. "I will. I love you, mom. Just remember that... I'll always love you. You're a great mother, the best I could have asked for."

"Aw, it's alright, Bella. I know, hon." She kissed my forehead and gave me a soft smile, "We'll see each other again before the wedding. I know it all seems kind of scary now, like everything is changing, but it'll all be fine. You have each other."

I nodded, taking a step back and biting my lip. "I'll see you soon."

Edward and Alice joined us, adding their goodbyes.

Renee gave me another hug before picking up her luggage, "Bye, hon."

"Travel safe," I called as she walked through the security gate. "I love you." I added quietly, knowing she wouldn't hear.

Once Renee was out of sight Alice linked her arm through mine and Edward wrapped an arm around my waist, leading me back to the car. "You'll see her again at the wedding," Alice told me, smiling enthusiastically, "I know these things."

**Edward's POV**

Bella smiled at Alice as we walked, then turned and gave me a quickly kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too. Are you hungry? Do you want to get some food to take back to Charlie?" I asked, happy to see her mood shifting.

"Yes, I know just the place."

We ended up stopping at a dinner that while clean, gave of a general atmosphere of seediness, located just down the road from the airport, surrounded by motels.

Bella ordered a couple of burgers and a large box of chips, which looked greasy and unappetising to me. She took a bite of her burger and declared it was delicious, smiling at Alice and I as we wrinkled our noses.

I chuckled and drove Alice home, stopping only long enough for her to get out of the car before speeding to Bella's. For once Bella didn't complain about my blatant disregard of the law, happy to get the food back to Charlie while it was still warm.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket with a text, but ignored it and instead enjoyed Bella's company.

"The next time you see Renee will probably be the day before the wedding. Do you want to go visit her over Christmas? After all, the wedding isn't until spring." I told her.

She bit her lip, thinking. "Yeah, that would be nice. I want to spend some time with her, before, you know..."

I nodded, "Alright, I'll book tickets for just after Christmas. It was good to see her."

"It was," She smiled, "She liked you."

We pulled onto Bella's street and I froze, sitting up straighter. Something was wrong, I could feel it. Then, when we rounded a bend, I found out what it was.

Jacob Black leaned against the hood of his car, in the driveway of Bella's house.

I swore under my breath, hearing his pity-party thoughts as we pulled up.

"Jake's here...?" Bella said, wrapping up her half eaten burger.

"It would appear so," I answered unnecessarily.

"Would you mind if I talked to him alone?" She asked hesitantly.

I took a deep, slow breath and ended up grinding my teeth together as I said, "Be careful. I'll be back as soon as you call."

She nodded, "Love you." And she was gone, fast food in hand as she marched up to her former- best friend turned werewolf.

I pulled out my phone, glancing at the text Alice had sent ten minutes ago: _Can't see yours, Bella's or Charlie's future. Might be wolves_. I sighed and watched Bella lead Jacob Black inside, when it should have been me, and then drove away.

**Bella's POV**

I closed the front door behind him and hovered in the foyer, unsure.

"I'm so sorry about everything, Bella. Last week –"

"I'm sorry that I left so soon the other night –" I started at the same time as he did.

He laughed awkwardly and ran a hand through his hair. "You can go first."

I smiled slightly at his typical Jake-manners, hand still resting on the door knob. "I shouldn't have left like I did, it wasn't fair to you, sorry."

He smiled ruefully, "And I didn't mean to make you leave. I guess I realized after you left that I'd promised to be your friend, no matter what, and I hadn't really done that. I –" He broke off, frowning and staring at my hand for a moment. His lips pressed together and he looked back up at me. "What's that?"

I pulled my hand away, looking at the door. "What?"

He shook his head slowly, reaching for my hand and then it clicked. I snatched my hand back just as his fingertips brushed my palm.

"Jake... I was going to..." I began, faltering.

"What, tell me? I doubt it. So, it's true." He took a deep breath and I noticed he was shaking very slightly. His eyes squeezed shut and he pressed a fist between his eyebrows.

I didn't know what to do with an angry werewolf and my hand unconsciously moved to my pocket to rest against the small phone Edward had gotten me.

Jacob blew out a breath and opened his eyes. "You're marrying him?" The words seemed to cause him physical pain and his lips pressed tight as soon as they were out, unwilling to go on. It wasn't really a question, we both knew the answer, and yet I answered.

"Yes." I bit my lip, "I'm sorry."

He gave a harsh laugh, "Why are you apologizing? Doesn't he make you happy? Don't you love him?"

I ignored his attempts to start something and shook my head. "I know it isn't something you want to hear, and I'm sorry I'm causing you pain." Understatement of the century, I admitted to myself.

He paced the foyer and I decided to give him a chance, just because he was a wolf now didn't mean he wasn't Jake. It didn't mean he'd hurt me. I walked past him into the kitchen and grabbed a can of soda for each of us. I sat and took a sip of mine, waiting.

After a minute he slumped into the chair across from mine, looking tired. "I'm just surprised, Bella... it's so soon. You're so young. God, I didn't mean to... I came over here to apologize. Actually, Billy and Charlie sent me down here; they're watching the game together."

"Oh," I watched him, my hair falling forward.

"Not that I didn't want to come see you. It just never seemed like the right time... especially after the other night. I thought maybe that was goodbye." He added.

"It's alright. I know it's hard," I waved my left hand, "with this. There didn't seem to be any point in waiting...It would have happened eventually. And I'm older than you," I joked half-heartedly.

"Not by much." He grinned, holding his hand out. "Let's see it then." I gave him my left hand and he scrutinized the ring, tilting my hand to get a better look. He sighed. "I guess I can't blame him, if I'd had you I would have married you by now." He looked up, a warm and adoring look in his eyes that I wasn't really comfortable with. He swallowed and gently put my hand down, "It's nice."

"Thanks."

We lapsed into silence and I glanced around the room. My eyes landed on the only-slightly warm fast food in its brown paper bag.

"Are you hungry? I brought home dinner for Charlie."

"Yeah," He gave me an easy smile, "always."

"Do you want it heated? It's not really hot anymore." I asked as I stood up.

"Nah, doesn't look like something that heats well." He grinned and accepted the burger happily.

I put my own down on the table and shoved the box of chips in the microwave.

"I'm really sorry about how I've treated you, Bells. I can't understand what you see in him, but it's none of my business." He said as he un-wrapped his burger. I took this as 'don't talk about him or try to explain why you love him' but accepted his apology.

"If I'd know all I had to do was feed you, I would have done it a long time ago." I teased. "It's alright, I understand why you've been acting that way; mortal enemies are hard to deal with, huh?"

He laughed in that open way he had. "Yes, they are. It's so instinctual, I don't mean to. Just hit me if I'm being a jerk, alright?"

"If you think that's a good idea." I laughed.

"Well, you could always kiss me instead." He grinned over his shoulder at me and I hit his arm, pulling the box of chips out of the microwave and sitting down.

He took a massive bite of burger and moaned. "This is delicious, seriously. Where did you get something so unhealthy in Forks?"

"So bad it's good, right? It's this dinner behind the airport, kind of run down but the food is great."

He teased, "Did you drive all the way out there for this?"

"We were taking Renee to the airport." I shrugged.

"Renee was here? For how long?"

"Just overnight. Edward arranged it as a surprise, because of the engagement..."

"Oh. So you're very newly engaged?" He asked between bites.

I played with a chip as I spoke. "Yes, we got engaged just a few days ago."

"Do you have time to come to a bonfire next weekend, or are you having a rush wedding?" He grinned.

I choked on the chip I was chewing, laughing. "I am _not_ pregnant. Yes, I can come, as long as they treat me better than last time." I gave him a hard look.

"They will. It's not a pack thing, though the pack will be there. It's for Seth's seventeenth birthday, down on first beach. I'll pick you up, if you want."

"Well... Edward will probably have security issues and want to drive me. Could you pick me up at the treaty line?" I asked hopefully.

"Of course he does," Jake laughed. "Sure can, Bells." He put down his burger as his phone started ringing, smiling at me as he stood up. "I'll just be a minute, I have to get this." He answered as he walked into the living room, talking quietly.

"Yes... I am. Oh, man." He paused, voice lowered. "I will. What are they saying?" Another long pause. I took a bite of my burger, which definitely wasn't as good cold. "Yeah. Sorry, dad. You go... yes. See you then."

I strained to catch what he was saying as he hung up and dialled another number.

"Can you please get Sam to get a cover for my watch? Something's come up." He scoffed at something as he listened, "Nope. Look, just tell Sam." He growled quietly after a pause and spoke too quietly for me to make out the words, speaking quickly.

I finished my burger and picked up a chip, smiling as I remembered Edward's face when he saw what I was ordering.

Jake came back into the room a minute later, giving me a strained smile. He sat down but didn't pick up his burger.

"Something's happened, Bells..." I waited for the inevitable 'I have to go, it's pack stuff' that I had grown used to. "We have to go to the hospital, it's Charlie."

I stared at him. "What?"

He reached over and took the chip I was holding and dropped it onto the plate, grasping both of my hands with his warm, strong fingers. "He's had a heart attack, Bella. We need to go to the hospital. I'll drive you, come on."

"He had a heart attack?" I asked in disbelief.

Jake nodded solemnly. "I'm sorry... It's not looking good. They don't know what caused it, but they don't know if he'll recover."

"Oh." My voice sounded unnaturally small and weak, so I repeated myself, but it didn't strengthen.

"Do you have your phone?" He asked calmly.

"Yes," I pulled it out of my pocket.

"You can text your boyfriend while I drive, Charlie's at the Forks hospital." He stood up, coming around to pull out my chair. I followed him out the door, absentmindedly giving him the keys to lock it.

All the while, my mind spun. How could this have happened? To Charlie? He was healthy, fit, relatively young.

Jake opened and closed my car door for me, jogging around to the driver's side and starting the engine.

"Text Edward and tell him where you're going, I don't want to start a war for taking you away." Jake told me softly.

"Okay." I pulled out my phone and stared at the screen blankly for a moment. Taking a deep breath I sent a short text to Edward.

**Edward's POV**

My phone pinged and I pulled it out at super speed, anxious about Bella being alone with a werewolf. Thankfully, it was a text from her.

_Charlie in hospital, heart attack. Jake driving me there now._

I swore and called Alice, who was arranging her Bella-makeup according to colour downstairs.

"Alice! Charlie's in hospital."

She ran up the stairs and into the room in a millisecond. _How could I have not seen this?_ She thought. And when it hit her, she swore loudly.

"I have to go to Bella. She'll be worried." I told her, moving past her and down the stairs.

"I'll come with you, the wolf is there."

We beat Bella to the hospital and I sweet-talked the nurse into telling me who the doctor in charge of Charlie's case was. Alice and I tracked him down, but he was in the room with Charlie.

I could tell from his thoughts that it was too late for them to do anything, medically. He was barely breathing and his body hadn't recovered from the heart attack. It was likely he'd have another heart attack if he survived, and all the doctors agreed that he wouldn't survive a second after the first had been so major.

I paced and waited for Bella, unsure what to tell her.

_Maybe we should wait and give her a chance to talk to the doctor?_ Alice thought.

"Why?" I murmured to her.

In her mind I could see myself, rigid with stress and face hard. She thought the doctors might be able to give her hope, but she didn't know if hope was what Bella needed. She thought of Jacob Black coming, imagined that would turn into a fight that Bella would be upset by. She sighed, trying to decide what was best for Bella – to hear from me, or from the medical team in there? Of course, she couldn't read their thoughts.

I shook my head and walked towards the lifts. "They don't have good news, Ali. We should prepare Bella for it. And I'm not going to fight with a mutt while Bella needs me." I added.

She nodded, "Poor Bella. She's so young to lose a parent."

I leaned against the wall opposite the bank of lifts, waiting for Bella to emerge from one of them. I heard her heartbeat first, on the ground level of the hospital. Then her voice.

"I can't believe it..."

"It's alright, Bells. Everything will be alright." Jacob Black told her softly, reassuringly. I imagined him squeezing her hand and ground my teeth together in self restraint.

Jacob's father joined them; I could make out the squeak of his wheelchair. "Hey there. He's in a private room, they moved him from emergency. Nobody's allowed in, though. Let's go wait for the doctor to finish looking for him."

They waited for a lift and Bella's heart raced anxiously. Billy explained what had happened in a quiet voice. Jacob reassured her that it didn't sound too bad. It did, but I couldn't blame him for trying.

When the lift doors opened onto the sixth floor, where Alice and I waited, they all froze.

"Edward," Bella choked out.

Jacob glowered at me, but moved his arm from where it had been resting around Bella's shoulders. Billy looked equally as suspicious, but rolled down the stark hallway towards the reception.

Jacob took as step back as Bella stumbled forwards, and I caught her; pulling her into my arms.

"I'm so sorry, love." I murmured to her, pulling back to look at her. She looked so small and helpless, I didn't know if I could tell her.

"Hey," She whispered, "Charlie..."

I wrapped an arm around her waist, leading her into a small waiting room for families. Alice walked on her other side, forcing Jacob to follow behind. He sat on a couch opposite us and stared petulantly at the wall behind us.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I began, "there isn't much the doctor can do at the moment. It's going to be a matter of waiting and watching."

She nodded, "what do they think will happen? What do you think will happen?"

"Well, it's hard to say anything definite. But... there isn't anything they can do to save him, if he can't heal by himself. It's not looking like he will, I'm sorry."

She nodded, taking this in. She was so strong, even more so than when I'd left two years ago. Such a strong; independent woman with so much to deal with. "Alright."

Alice's thoughts flitted to the possibility of changing Charlie, but dismissed it before Bella's heart had completed a full beat. While it was true that he still had a chance to be changed, Carlisle was the only one who could be trusted to do it – and he couldn't get here for hours. On top of that there were the multiple other complications, getting him out of here and getting him to understand what we are among them. Most significantly, though, was how opposed Alice knew he would be. This isn't what he would have wanted, even if Bella would argue for it if she knew it was a possibility, she would regret it later.

I could hear from Charlie's foggy, incoherent thoughts that he didn't have much time left. His mind was in shock, trying to recover but his body was shutting down. I closed my eyes for a millisecond, grief-stricken for both Charlie and Bella. Then I opened them and tried to keep Bella from realizing how bad things were.

She sat quietly, waiting for news, for hours. I spent the time drawing patterns on her back slowly, trying to soothe her, and ignoring Jacob Black.

He seemed agitated and asked his father to go check what was going on and when nothing came of that, Alice offered.

"I'll go," She said, smiling at Bella and glancing at Jacob.

She returned with the doctor, a triumphant look in her eye and Jacob gave her a begrudgingly grateful look.

"Isabella Swan? You can go sit with him now, but I'm very sorry to say he doesn't have much time left. He's unconscious, but he might still be able to hear you." The doctor said gravely.

Bella stood up, nodding, and when the rest of us went to follow he shook his head. "I'm afraid you can't all go in. Direct relatives only."

Jacob stood up and gave her a hug, promising to wait, while I walked over to the doctor.

"She's his only family," I gestured to Bella, speaking quietly, "it's not right to make her go in there alone. I'm her fiancé; would I be able to go with her?"

He frowned, "You Carlisle's boy?"

"Yes, sir."

"Hmm. Your father is a great doctor. I shouldn't do this, but I understand how hard it is in these situations. You can go in with her, but stay out of the way. You'll be his family soon, anyway." He nodded, walking away.

When Bella was free of the flea-bag's hug I took her hand, leading her to Charlie's room.

She pulled the bedside chair closer and sat down, taking Charlie's hand tightly in her own. "Dad..."

His breathing was shallow and his skin pale, but Bella didn't seem to mind as she hugged him.

"I love you, Dad, don't... please stay with me." I could tell she wanted desperately to believe he could just decide to live and he would, but she was also resigned to the truth. And it hurt her, took away her usually bright attitude.

She leaned forward and rested her head on his chest, her hair spilling out around her. I stood beside her, resting a hand on her back softly and smelling her tears in the air, mixing with the awful stench of bleach and disinfectant, sickness and death.

His hand twitched, his lips parting as though he wished he could say her name, but nothing happened.

I heard Alice's footsteps in the hallway, her whisper-soft thought: _Soon_.

But it was too late for any warnings because the machine was beeping in alarm and there was something about Charlie that was incredibly, impossibly still.

I stroked Bella's back, gently pulling her out of the chair and kicking it away from the bed as first one, and then another nurse rushed in. The doctor briskly followed and Bella hid her face against my chest, arms tightly wound around me. I watched as they checked Charlie's pulse and the doctor mentally swore as he looked down at his watch. Softly, he stated the time of death to the nurse and turned to us.

Not bothering to wait for Bella to turn around he said, "I'm very sorry, Isabella, he was a good man. I wish there had been something we could have done, but he's gone."

He motioned towards the door and I nodded, tugging Bella along beside me as we went outside.

Jacob came and took her hand, standing on her other side and murmuring that everything was going to be alright, it would all be okay, over and over. I knew from his thoughts he was trying to distract her from the doctor explaining to Billy that Charlie was dead. He wanted to pull her into a hug, but he knew he wasn't the one she'd chosen and there was nothing he could do.

"Alice, could you please go get the car? We'll wait out the front for you to bring it round." I asked.

She nodded and disappeared.

Jacob and I slowly lead Bella away, Billy coming to join us as we waited for a lift. Silent tears rolled down her face, and she kept brushing them away only for new ones to fall.

"I'll come over in the morning, alright, Bella?" Billy said once we were inside an elevator.

"Thank you." Bella replied quietly and he nodded.

They got out at the ground floor with us, Jacob still clutching Bella's hand. They said goodbye and I slid into the backseat of the Volvo with Bella at my side, Alice driving smoothly out of the car park and down the high way.

"Are you okay?" I murmured to Bella, "Can I get you anything?"

She shook her head and sighed, "I just want to sleep."

I kissed her head and pulled her onto my lap, "Alright, love."

"I can't believe he's really gone." She wrapped an arm around my legs, settling her head down on my thighs.

"I know, I know..." I told her gently, running my hand up and down her back slowly.

She sobbed, putting her other arm around her head and burying her face in her elbow. After a few minutes I started humming, stroking her hair.

She fell asleep at some point on the drive, breathing jagged even in resting, and I carried her up to her room.

She stirred slightly as I pulled the covers over her, opening her eyes and watching me. "Edward..."

She tugged on my shirt sleepily and I climbed into bed with her, wrapping an arm around her waist. Tears were already streaming down her face again, but she fell straight back to sleep.

_Oh, Bella_, I thought. _What am I going to do with you?_


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N**: _Foxyvictorianagurl_... Thank you, eternally. This girl is amazing, seriously, I could not write without her! You should check out her fanfic, because she's also a truly gifted writer. :)  
Thank you for all the reviews - I really, really appreciate them, so keep it up!

Chapter 19 –

**Bella's POV**

I opened my eyes and blinked, not even allowed a moment of innocence, a moment without the knowledge that Charlie was gone. That my father was dead and there was nothing I could do about it, nothing that would change it. I closed my eyes again.

Alice's voice echoed up the stairs, either on the phone or talking to someone quieter. I could make out the words, but she seemed to be in business mode. It was comforting having noise in the house and I stayed where I was, wondering what to do now. Wondering if I stayed here long enough, would it all go away? Would it make Charlie come back?

Naive, irrational thoughts that I took comfort in. Idly I played with my engagement ring, staring at the wall. When the white paint didn't change after long minutes I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow. The rocking chair scraped against the floor and then careful; cold hands were turning me over, golden eyes staring down at me lovingly.

"Afternoon, Bella," Edward said softly.

"Hi." I croaked.

He reached over to the bedside table and handed me a bottle of water, all the while watchful. I gave him my best attempt at a smile, trying to reassure him and he sat down beside me. He pulled me onto his lap and kissed my head. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, losing track of time.

When I opened them again I was calm, reassured that everything would go on in the world. And Jasper stood just inside the doorway holding a tray of food.

I sighed, accepting that he just wanted to help.

This continued on through the day and by sunset I was getting annoyed with their scrutiny and their over the top care. I wasn't even allowed to walk down the stairs without someone putting an arm around me; I couldn't be alone in my own room! At least when Jacob turned up with dinner they left me alone. Jake was a lot easier to deal with because he seemed to have decided to give me more space rather than less.

I was glad when Jasper and Alice left for the day and Edward stretched out on the bed, not saying anything because he didn't need to. I crawled onto the bed beside him and snuggled into him, pulling the comforter up over us.

"It's so strange," I whispered into the darkness.

"That he's not here?" Edward murmured.

I nodded, "But not just that. I'm usually the one doing everything... I usually have someone relying on me. It's strange."

He curled his body around mine, brushing my hair back, "Fair enough."

"I want everything to go back to how it was. I liked my routine, my life. I want Charlie back." I pressed my hand to my eyes and tried to hold off tears.

"I know; me too." He said quietly and it was enough.

"Okay." I agreed through my tears.

"Okay." He nodded, pressing his lips against my hair. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you too." Sighing, I closed my eyes and rested my head against his shoulder.

...

**Edward's POV**

Alice had organized the funeral and predicted the two hour delay on Renee's flight, so I was left with getting Bella out of bed and into the outfit Alice had left hanging on the door – all of this without Jasper's help as he was picking up Renee.

I set the tray down beside Bella and gently shook her shoulder, "Love, time to wake up."

She blinked and sat up, looking around. "Hhm?"

"I brought breakfast," I sat on the edge of the bed, "How are you feeling?"

Seeing her in pain was disarming, though she tried to act like nothing was wrong, and I had to remind myself that I was qualified to deal with it. I'd done countless medical courses, trained with some of the formative thinkers on modern psychology. And this was my Bella. No reason to leave it to someone else, just because nothing I did seemed to help.

"Alright, I guess." She replied, picking up the fork and moving some scrambled eggs around on her plate.

I watched her, willing her thoughts to reveal themselves, but all I got was silence and her lonely gaze.

"The uh, funeral is today." I told her.

She put down the fork. "Oh, I guess I should get ready then."

"You should ha– Are you sure you don't want breakfast?"

"Yeah." She said as she stood up, straightening her yoga pants.

**Bella's POV**

There was nothing I wanted to do, really, but I knew what I didn't want to do. I didn't want to go and see the entire population of Forks mourning my father, somehow expecting me to make them feel better. I didn't want to watch corny slide shows about his life, or stare at his lifeless body while a priest recited something Charlie hadn't even believed in. But none of that really mattered when people were waiting for you at the cemetery, or more importantly, when you had a vampire leaning against the bathroom door.

He'd slipped in and closed the door behind him just moments after I pulled on the black dress, zipping it up from me. I sighed, watching him in the mirror as I pulled on a black blazer. He wasn't saying anything, but I knew that look. It demanded answers to things too obvious to bother asking.

"What um... time, does it start?" I asked as I brushed out my wet hair.

He gently took the brush from me and started blow drying my hair. "Not for an hour or so."

"Oh."

...

The funeral was more sophisticated than I expected, but that was Alice. Glass bowls of sunflowers decorated tables arranged outside, a small platform set up with a microphone. Everything was white, with the sunflowers and dark green pines surrounding us as the only colour. Alice sat down beside me and handed me a dark pair of Ray Bans.

"Thank you," I murmured to her, taking her hand and squeezing it.

She just nodded and squeezed back.

Edward sat on my other side, Renee beside him. Past her, on the other side of the aisle, sat Jacob and Billy. Jake gave me a small wave and I turned back to the front.

Being in the front row wasn't a good thing; it just gave me a full view of the framed photos of Charlie on the stage – in uniform, accepting his badge; in a suit on his wedding day; holding a smaller version of me. And it gave everyone else a full view of me, with nowhere to hide.

By the end of the ceremony, I was staring at my lap and wondering what I was supposed to do. Maybe I should have been crying, or watching the deputy chief of police - well, I guess he's now the chief of police - give his speech. I was just so aware of everything – the people behind me, the people around me watching me and the slight mist of rain. I just wanted to be alone, to be able to _just_ be.

Which is what I got to do when the wake was over, once I nodded and murmured agreements to everyone's well wishes and thoughts on Charlie, to the resounding apologies and regrets. The reassurances annoyed me: _He knew how much you loved him, You couldn't have done anything, He's in a better place_. I didn't know how to reply to them, and I didn't really believe them.

Edward drove me home and I kicked off my ballet flats as I climbed the stairs, leaving the door for him to close. I threw my jacket on the floor as I walked into my room and crawled into bed, tugging the covers up with me. I saw Edward walk in carrying my shoes and closed my eyes. He kissed my forehead and stood next to the bed for a moment, my heart fluttering uneasily as I waited to see what he would do.

"I'm sorry, Bella." He whispered and then left.

I sighed and rolled over, staring at the ceiling. Sometime later Renee came in and sat on the edge of the bed, eyes red rimmed.

"Honey, I know it's really hard, but eventually life will go back to normal. You just have to carry on. Everyone's worried about you down there, and I know you're just dealing with this your own way, but you should give them a chance. They want to help, especially Edward." She brushed my hair back, looking down at me sadly.

"They're driving me crazy, they just keep asking if I'm okay and hovering around." I told her, staring at the ceiling to avoid her knowing gaze.

She laughed dejectedly, "It's hard for them too. They don't know what to do anymore than you, sweetheart. You're so young, and they care about you so much, it makes them desperate. Your fiancé is lost and he's trying to hide it but he's so young... Edward's adopted, isn't he? Maybe you should give him more credit for understanding."

"He has Carlisle now."

"It isn't the same; the bond with someone of your own blood can't be so easily replaced. Even by someone as wonderful as Carlisle. He must miss his parents sometimes, even if he can barely remember them."

I wondered how she knew so much and decided she must have been talking to Edward while I was up here. I sighed. "I miss Charlie."

"I know, hon, I do too. He was... well, you know. He loved you so much and he was such a good father, I couldn't believe how well he did when you were upset about Edward leaving." She didn't seem to realize that there were tears sliding down her face and stared out the window in thought. "I know you know all that, everyone's been telling me all day how he loved you, blah blah blah." She shook her head and gave a soft laugh, "I know you got that too, it's just what people do."

She looked down at me again. "My point is that we knew him better than anyone, so it doesn't matter if the people saying those things had any proof, because we know. And I know you know that he wouldn't have wanted you upset about him. Do you think it would have made him happy to know you were hiding in your room? Because of him?"

"No." I replied grudgingly.

She nodded and laid down beside me. "Don't hide out here forever, then. But maybe it would be okay to stay here, just for today."

I agreed but said nothing and the silence settled.

"I met your Jacob earlier." She finally said.

"He's not mine." I said, biting my lip.

She laughed softly, "Oh, honey, I think he is. That man is in love with you, and you know it." She bumped her shoulder against mine, "I see why he and Edward don't like each other."

I turned to stare at her, "How do you know?"

"Well, when Jacob said he was coming up to see you and Edward blocked the stairs, glowering at him and growling something to him that I couldn't hear, but I'm pretty sure was a threat..." She giggled.

"He didn't." I raised my eyebrows at her.

"He did, I don't think he knew anyone was watching."

"That's crazy; he let Jake hang out with me yesterday." I muttered, more to myself.

"Men." She rolled her eyes. Things were quiet downstairs and I wondered if they'd left. Renee took a deep breath. "Bella... Charlie left everything to you. You should think about what you're going to do with the house, how you're going to manage the money."

An idle tear rolled down my face, falling into my ear before I could brush it away. "I don't know... Edward will probably look after the money; make sure it's protected in some high interest account. Everything I have will be his soon, anyway, and vice versa." I squeezed the bridge of my nose, "I love this house, but... Edward and I are probably going to move out of Forks after the wedding, and the Cullens still have their house here, it seems silly to keep it."

"Just think about it, you don't have to decide anything now, or even this week. It still surprises me how much you trust Edward, how much of a connection you two have. I'm sure he would look after the money, but still. You two act like a couple who's been together decades."

I shrugged, unsure how to reply to that. It always made me uncomfortable when she noticed things like that, when she was being insightful.

"It's nice, I wish I'd found that." She murmured.

I nodded and took her hand, staring at the ceiling as the light dimmed and the sun slowly set.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N**: My beta sends these chapter back in record time, but I'm very slow at fixing them up, so don't blame her for the wait. On that note, thanks to _foxyvictoriangurl_ who never fails to give ideas, support and praise as necessary. Not to mention sharing funny links to inspire future chapters! :)

Thanks for all the reviews, I hope I've managed to get back to all of you, if I haven't, sorry!

* * *

_Chapter 20_ –

**Bella's POV**

I was pleasantly surprised to find Esme on the other side of the door when I answered it. I'd been cooking breakfast and sure it was Jake after food, or pretending to be after food so he could check on me. I'd woken up alone after falling asleep beside Renee the night before, finding a note in the empty house. Edward was taking Renee to the airport, he loved me and he would be back _later_. I was surprised that he'd left me after his concern yesterday, and also a slightly hurt.

"Hello, Bella. I'm sorry to bother you. Edward told me you were moving into our place and I thought I'd renovate a bit. Well, it's Edward's house now."

"Oh, you don't need to do that for me. Come in," I opened the door wide and stepped back.

She smiled and walked in, setting her designer hand bag down on the kitchen table. "I'm so sorry about your father, Bella. I didn't get a chance to tell you at the funeral."

I nodded and walked over to the stove, concentrating on my cooking.

"Carlisle was in surgery and couldn't make it to the funeral; he wanted you to know that if you need anything at all..." Her kind voice trailed off, but the message was clear. I thought of what Renee had said yesterday and turned to smile at my future mother-in-law, possibly the nicest person alive. Or undead.

"Thank you both for caring, really; it means a lot."

She shook her head, "You're family, now and forever. I know that seems like it's just a nice platitude people toss around, Bella. For me, it's the greatest achievement, the highest honour; to have you in our family. Human or otherwise."

I sighed and left the stove on low, sitting down next to her. "I feel the same way about having you all as my family, I can't believe it sometimes. How could you love someone like me, not only a human, but so fragile and useless?" I shook my head, "It's surreal."

She smiled kindly, "Well, I'm sure it will feel very real soon. When you're changed it will be impossible not to believe it. Edward wouldn't let you think otherwise."

"I know," I bit my lip, playing with my fingers, "sometimes it just feels like it's never going to happen. He never talks about when he's going to change me – if he's going to change me. I understand that there's a lot going on... Maybe I shouldn't even be thinking about it right now."

"Bella, be fair to yourself." She said softly. "Everything that's been going on has been more so focused on you than Edward, so don't make excuses for him in that regard. Never think that he doesn't want to change you, either; he wants it more than even you. But, this is Edward – in his mind he's conjured a hundred and one reasons why he shouldn't; being the over-thinker that he is. Eventually, he'll be ready...it won't be too far away, he's already agreed to it." She smiled happily.

"He's so silly sometimes, if we both want it, why won't he just do it?"

She shrugged delicately. "He thinks that it's selfish of him to put you through this, and I understand that in a way you may not. It isn't a sublime existence. He's probably subconsciously trying to avoid hurting you and seeing you hurt; through the agony of the change. Of course he's worried you aren't ready for this, to be frozen forever as you are now."

"But I'm just going to get older every day, and when I change I'll be older than him. I don't care about the pain or the drawbacks; I just want to be with him forever - before I'm too old." I argued.

She tilted her head, calmly considering it. "Maybe you think you're ready, maybe you are, I don't know. But from his point of view, he's been stuck at seventeen; living life but never truly experiencing it; for a century. He didn't get to grow up and even though he's very mature, it's hard. Is he the person he would have developed into? In some regards this life changes us in more than a physical sense, not necessarily in a good way. But you never get a chance to really grow as a person. He's a beautiful man, sometimes though, I look at him and I wonder who he would have been. Had he not suffered, been forced to kill and drink the blood of another living being to survive, and been alone all this time... What if he'd finished school and college, married and had a family?"

I thought about it for a second before I answered, "He's perfect as he is."

She gave me a small smiled and nodded sagely, "That's true, but maybe he would have been a different man. One who could change the world as he'd dreamed."

"I get what you're saying, but I still want to be changed. I don't care about giving up those things, in comparison with what I'll gain."

"I know, sweetheart, but he does. He cares so much. That's only one of the reasons he hasn't changed you yet, though. It's a very complex decision." She folded her hands on the table, her eyes warm.

"I know," I sighed, unable to argue under her reason and logic. "And I know it doesn't matter to him if I decide it's what I want a thousand times, he'll always do what he thinks is right. But for me... it's like a last ditch effort to sort of desperately communicate that I need to live forever, because he's going to live forever, and it seems like he's letting it all slip through the cracks."

She frowned prettily and reached a hand across the table, not quite touching me. "Oh, sweetheart, don't think like that. He cares about you – about how things will affect you, yes, but also about what you think and feel. He may know you better than you think; our men tend to have a way of seeing into parts of our souls we didn't know existed; of understanding parts of our minds that we didn't acknowledge. Trust in him, Bella, he'll change you when the time is right. And when you turn twenty in a couple of weeks, you'll be the same age as Jasper – not so old at all."

I swallowed back the urge to cry, everything was so difficult. It had been an emotional week- from the engagement to Renee's surprise visit, then Jacob and Charlie and my birthday coming up... I was left disoriented in the middle of the sea, the storm raging around me.

"Let me finish making your breakfast, you have a lot to consider for so early in the day." She smiled softly and patted my shoulder as she passed.

After a minute of silence I asked, "So you think I should um... just leave it be?"

She chuckled girlishly, "No, Bella. I think you should fight for what you want. And I think you're right."

I frowned, wondering how I was supposed to fight for what I wanted when Edward was so intensely opposed, yet had already agreed – it was the follow through I was worried about. She plated up food and handed it to me with an amused smile.

Seeming to read my mind, she said, "I'm not an expert on dealing with people and what they're feeling, regrettably, I can't help you. Jasper is an expert on emotion, however."

"It was a coincidence that you came when Edward was driving Renee back to the airport, right?" I asked, grinning and biting my lip.

"Oh, yes, I had no idea you'd be alone and unprotected. Not even a single text to let me know..." She winked, her lips tilted up.

I laughed and nodded, "Of course."

She discussed what she was thinking of doing to the Cullen house, adjusting things slightly to make it human-friendly for the time being. I agreed, not enthusiastic with the idea of moving out of where I'd been born, grown up and then found myself again.

"Given Edward's room is next to a bathroom and already has a bed, I was thinking you two could share that one. Would that be alright? Or would you like your own room?" She asked.

I considered the implications of sharing a room with him before we were married, conscious of the differences in what was acceptable now and in Esme's time. I blushed, knowing the family would probably assume certain things if I moved into his room, but shook my head. I was an adult, moving in with her fiancé, after all. "His room is fine, thanks."

"I'll make sure there's closet and shelf space for you, I know Edward was going to move some things around today." She nodded, smiling reassuringly.

I noticed, not for the first time, that Edward was giving me some space after I'd gone to my room yesterday. Guiltily I realized I hadn't thought he'd take it that way, I hadn't thought of him at all – other than to add him to the list of people driving me crazy with their concern.

"Oh?" I asked distractedly.

"He's probably on his way there now, he wanted to ensure you feltlike it was your place as well as his."

"I might go help him," I smiled and finished up breakfast.

"I'll leave you to it and go scavenger through home supplies, then." She smiled, smoothly gliding to her feet.

I stood up and walked with her to the door. "Thank you for coming by, and the talk."

"No problem." She gave me a gentle hug, kissing my cheek. "And Bella, all you need to do is talk to him. He's a very good listener." Her tender smile was comforting and I thought over a lot of what she'd said as she disappeared into the forest.

I looked down at my glittering engagement ring, different facets throwing off light in all directions. Like everything with Edward, it was more than it seemed. The significance of the ring made it more than just a commitment, and in some ways, it was a test. I remembered a discussion between Angela and Jess, after Angela got engaged. She had a sparkling sapphire instead of a diamond, and Jess had been at a loss as to how that was better. I remembered myself, quietly miserable by this stage of losing Edward.

I'd said 'if she didn't like the ring he'd chosen, she wouldn't have been the right girl' with an ironic smile. At the time, I'd thought this was impossible, but had found myself later that night imagining what type of ring Edward would have given me. Now, I knew.

If he could give me a ring I loved this much, which meant so much to him... Then that was something amazing.

**Edward's POV**

When Esme's thoughts came into I range I texted Alice to watch Bella while I was on my way back home. She was out planning the wedding but for the moment, Bella was more important.

I was tired of the universe working against us, so maybe Bella was too. Maybe she just needed some time to process. I didn't know what she needed. I'd always been in control, never so severely influenced by anything. But Bella made me go crazy; made me completely lose my head.

Charlie's death, while extremely tragic on its own, had also brought with it a reminder of how short life could be. I squeezed my eyes shut and sat on the couch in my room. Every day I took the chance that something would happen to Bella – and it already had, with the car crash. But what was my alternative? To take her soul; that bright, burning thing within her, and destroy it?

"What do I do?" I muttered.

"Well, I dare say the answer to that question can only be found by following your heart, though I don't know the specifics." Esme gently sat down beside me, brushing my hair back like I was five.

"How is Bella?" I asked, glancing up glumly.

"She's doing very well, considering. Perhaps you should find a way to delay her move a few days though, I have a feeling she needs time for it all to sink in."

"Yes, of course..." I replied distractedly, thinking of Bella.

"She thinks that running away and having no trace of Charlie will be best, but it never is. She needs to be able to make the decision without that impairing her judgement." Esme continued.

"Do you think she's not thinking clearly because of the grief? It's so hard to tell where her thoughts are sometimes."

She chuckled and gave me an exasperated "Edward." I confusedly searched her thoughts as she flew through memories of her morning with Bella, too fast... She stopped at Bella's face; looking weary. "She's fighting to be strong, but you must know otherwise. She decided to sell the house the day of his funeral. She's scared, things are happening too quickly. I'm sure you know the feeling."

I ran a hand through my hair, frowning. "Everything keeps happening... I just wanted time to be with her, before the change. Before that entire trauma, before she becomes a newborn. I wanted to spent time with my Bella before I was faced with all the questions of what to do, before I had Jacob's wolf army after me for changing her." I shook my head, "But I won't get that time, will I? She'll be upset and then she'll be bloodthirsty. I won't get _my_ Bella again for a long time."

"Don't worry, you'll-" She started, but I cut her off when I heard the direction of her thoughts.

"But we won't be together! Not really. She won't be the same, I won't be important."

She rested a cold arm around my shoulders, her pretty eyes sad. _She'll come back to you, always, _she thought_, but I believe you are wrong. She will love you, through all of that_. Out loud she said, "You can be there for her. Especially now, when she needs you more than anything."

I gave her a sceptical look and she added, "More than space or time to think."

"I know she loves me, but I cannot believe I have such a positive effect for her. I'm not worthy." I said quietly.

"And yet you do. The way she speaks of you... well, I won't break her trust by sharing what she has said. But she will always be alright with you at her side." The mental pathway her thoughts took me on _swoosh_ed away from Bella and this morning, making me curious, but I knew better than to press it. "You don't need any advice, Edward, you already know it."

"I know nothing with Bella, she leaves me dumbstruck." I muttered.

"Tell me: what is it that's bothering you about her? You're not as hopeless as you feel today."

"Anything could happen to her, at any time. Then she'd be gone and I wouldn't even have the choice to change her. But I can't protect her; she just wants to deal with everything on her own." I pulled at my hair as I spoke. "It tears me apart. I love her so much, it hurts me. I can't not change her, but I want to... I don't know. I want her, so selfishly, forever. But I shouldn't ruin her life and her soul – the only important things in this whole mess – for my sake. It's a never ending cycle and I still have no idea what to do!"

"You want to change her, though?"

"Yes! No! I want her. I want her to be safe. I want to be with her for eternity. I don't want to hurt her, to take away her chance at heaven, her soul, her future... her children. I wish there was some other way. God, can you imagine her children? How beautiful they'd be – how strong and courageous, what a positive impact they'd have on this world with a mother like that." I pictured Bella holding a beautiful child, a small boy with her huge brown eyes and glossy brown hair, on her lap. He cupped her cheek and gazed innocently up at her, her adoring gaze meeting his. No, she didn't know what she would miss if I changed her. Even with Jacob Black she could have that.

The child morphed, its skin now with a russet edge, limbs more lanky than before. Jacob crouched in front of her, making faces at the laughing little boy.

I buried my head in my hands, my throat constricting. Why was love so complex for Bella and I; yet others got their soul mates, no strings attached? Esme gently rubbed circles on my back, her thoughts politely elsewhere while I sobbed. It was a dry, useless wracking of my body and oh, how I wished I could cry – even with Esme watching.

_My boy, my sweet Edward_, she thought softly. _She loves you_. _Only you_. _It's going to be alright, darling_.

**Bella's POV**

I figured out Jasper was on watch duty when I saw him sitting against a tree in my backyard as I cleaned the dishes in the kitchen. He gave me an impish grin and I gestured him into the house.

"Sorry, Bella, just following orders." He drawled as he strode through the back door.

"Edward's orders?" I asked.

"No, Alice's, though I suppose they originally came from him. Alice is shopping, so she sent me."

"Why were you outside, then?" I smiled, wanting him to know I wasn't annoyed with _him_.

"I know when a girl wants to have her peace, especially with an around the clock security team." He grinned.

"Oh, well, thanks."

He bowed slightly, Texas accent thick when he spoke. "You're most welcome."

"Jasper, will you tell me about Edward, what he feels? I want to understand him, so I can persuade him to change me..." I bit my lip, hoping I hadn't given too much away.

"Of course, Bella. Anything to help the cause. It's only fair with him always using me to know how you're feeling."

I laughed lightly, wondering just how much Edward learnt from Jasper. I knew I was blushing so I turned back to the sink, nodding for him to go on.

"Edward didn't want to become a vampire... he was turned when he was unconscious and he woke up to this purgatory, for eternity. He has to kill to live and he has to live with that – with an infinite memory." Jasper said.

"I don't care about that stuff; I've chosen this. I can deal with it." I replied.

He smiled slightly, "Yes, I can tell you believe that." He paused for a second, looking amused, and then continued. "He is what he is, Bella. He's been shaped by that experience, more than anything else. We all have, there isn't a single exception. He reads all of our minds, knows each of our struggles... our torment. Why can't you forgive him for not wanting that for you?" He asked it softly, looking at me with that knowing gaze, but I still went on the defence at his words.

"It's not like that! I understand him; I want to be with him, forever. But he doesn't seem to want that." I shook my head, "... I thought you wanted me to be like you."

He watched me steadily, making me want to look away. But I wasn't backing down on this. "Ah, now we see what this really comes down to for you. You think if he won't change you it means he doesn't want to be with you. But that's not true, which is what I'm trying to explain. And I'm trying to explain it because_ I_ want you to become one of us."

I bit my lip, feeling reprimanded despite his gentle tone.

He frowned and continued. "I know it sounds harsh, something you would never do, but it's true. You're holding his refusal to change you against him and everything he feels for you. You need to let that go, Bella. And try to keep in mind that he's already agreed to change you. You've won the battle; you just need to wait for the opposition to make the journey with your reward."

I stubbornly pouted, something I'd learnt off Renee.

He grinned, "Okay, how about this: if you have faith in him, why don't you think he'll change you? If you believe he loves you, why do you think he wouldn't want to change you?"

"Well, he isn't exactly acting like he's going to change me. He doesn't want to change me because I- because he doesn't..."I trailed off, realizing my answer.

"Exactly. You think he doesn't want you, at least not for eternity. I want you to clear that from your mind, take a deep breath and listen." He paused, not continuing until I nodded. "So Edward's had to live with killing people, had to remember every moment of it. On top of that he can read minds – he knows he's not the only one getting a bad deal out of this life. Add into that how alone he's been, he has us – an artificial family. What else did he have to be happy about? What else was his?"

I tried to think... the money, the beauty and power, the invincibility. But I knew none of that mattered to him. He'd said himself that none of that would mean anything without me, that he'd rather die than live one day of that kind of life. Did he know that from experience? Had his life been like that before we found each other?

"Convince him it'll be alright, persuade him. Let him know how much you want it. He would do anything for you." Jasper concluded simply.

"I don't know how to do that," I quietly injected.

He gave me an encouraging smile. "Oh, Bella, you underestimate yourself. How could he ignore you?"

I wasn't so confident, but I didn't feel hopeless anymore. "Thanks for the confidence booster," I said, slightly sarcastically.

His lips quirked, "I'm not doing anything, that's all you."

"Sure, sure." I murmured smiling.

He ruffled my hair, "If I was doing something it would be more like this." Slowly, a happy; reassured feeling came over me and I smiled at him.

The feeling slipped away just as it had come and I sighed, feeling its loss. "Alright, I should go to him, shouldn't I?"

He chuckled, "Only if you really want to."

"Do I?" I asked, biting my lip.

He gently shoved me toward the door, "Yes!"


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N**: Thanks again to _foxyvictoriangirl_, I swear I can spell! xD

Enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 21:

**Bella's POV**

Jasper left me when I assured him I'd leave soon, I just needed to shower. I suspected he was out in the forest but I still loitered around the house, completing unimportant chores – even going so far as to clean the microwave. Knowing the sun would set soon I pulled on jeans, knee-high boots and a hoodie after a quick shower and grudgingly made my way to the car. Jasper appeared at the tree line and gave me an encouraging wave, jogging in the opposite direction to hunt, I presumed.

I took my time, taking a detour through the suburban streets of Forks and crawling along well under the speed limit – the engine still roared loudly, it was comforting. I had no idea what to say to Edward; there was so much to be said and so few words. He'd understand, probably blame himself for everything, I was sure. What he'd do about it was what I couldn't predict – though I knew no one who could, even Alice.

Suddenly; at least to my distracted self, the car sputtered and stopped. I put on the hazard lights and got out, wrapping my arms around myself against the cold. Any other time, I'd have Edward or Jacob here in an instant. But with Charlie's death... Alice would probably leave me to save myself if I wasn't in serious danger. There was a faint trail of smoke coming from the engine, but I didn't dare open it. Spending time in Jake's garage had taught me that I shouldn't touch anything mechanical. Ever.

I leaned against the door of the car, fiddling with my phone and contemplating who to call. Jacob, who would come and fix my truck and be awkwardly cheerful as he assessed me from the corner of his eye. One of the Cullens, who would no doubt drag the truck away along with myself – all the while asking a million questions. Or Edward, who I loved. Who broke my heart with his concern and his sad topaz eyes.

They were all legitimate options, none too horrible, but I hesitated. I didn't want to be so reliant, or to live through the silences thick with tension. I sighed, rubbing at my arms. I wanted Edward, naturally and automatically. Maybe I could walk there? I should just call him. How bad could it be?

A minivan pulled up beside me, headed back toward town and Mike Newton jumped out.

"Bella! What are you doing out here? Car trouble?" As though it wasn't obvious with the engine smoking, the Chevy in the middle of the road, I thought.

"Yes," I mumbled.

"We're headed out to dinner," He said as he crooked his thumb over his shoulder to the dark car. "Do you want a lift back into town?"

"Sure, thanks." I nodded, straightening up and following him to the car. He slid open the back door of his mum's old van, which had been handed down to him, and waved me inside.

He slid the door shut and Jessica turned around in the passenger seat, giving me an awkward smile. From the glare she shot Mike, she hadn't wanted to stop.

"Cold tonight," Mike commented. "Did you forget your phone, Bella?"

His sudden question made me blink. "Oh, um, no... The car had just broken down; I hadn't gotten around to calling anyone when you turned up." I tried to sound more cheerful than I felt, failing miserably.

"You should call someone to come get you," Jess said in an overly-helpful voice.

"It's not a problem though, we can drive you home." Mike added.

"It's okay, thanks, if you just drop me off at the diner I'll wait for Edward there." I murmured uncomfortably.

"Alrighty then; that's where we're going too," Mike grinned at me in the rear view mirror. I didn't know if he still had a crush on me or if he was just being genuinely nice. He started up the minivan and started down the road.

"I didn't you were still together. You and Edward." Jessica said in an accusatory tone.

"Oh, um... yeah. We are." I looked at my engagement ring, not mentioning it.

"Didn't he leave, like in high school?" She pressed, though I knew she knew as well as I did what had happened.

"Yes, he came back." I said tightly.

"Oh, how nice." She replied, somewhat bitterly.

I glared at the back of her headrest and added, "We're engaged, actually."

"Congratulations! He's very lucky." Mike chuckled, smiling.

I was sure Jess was rolling her eyes and I let the car lapse into silence. After a few minutes Mike cleared his throat.

"Look, Bella, I'm really sorry about your dad. I... well, I'm sorry." He said solemnly.

"The funeral was really beautiful." Jess added guiltily.

"Thanks, it was Alice..." I mumbled.

She nodded, twisting around in her chair. "How are you doing?"

It was unlike her to show concern for someone other than herself, and I almost wasn't annoyed by the question. Almost.

I ran a hand through my hair, a habit I'd picked up from Edward. "You know, everyone keeps asking that but I still don't have an answer."

She agreed, "I totally get that, it's so soon. It must really suck."

"Yeah," I nodded, "it kind of does."

Mike eyed me in the rear view mirror. "You should come out to dinner with us, take your mind off it."

I shook my head, "I don't know; I was going over to Edward's place to help renovate."

"Bella, come on! It'll be great." Jessica encouraged, surprisingly.

"But Charlie just – " I started.

"No," Mike cut me off, "don't say it. You gotta live, come catch up with your old high school friends. You've somehow managed to stay out of the Forks gossip mill; I don't even know what you're doing." He gave me a big smile over his shoulder.

"It's just dinner," Jess said, smiling a little. I guess she'd matured enough to be ashamed of being mean the day after my father's funeral, and she was a nice person – just a little self-centred.

"Okay," I sighed, "dinner."

"It'll be fun." Mike said, ever the optimist. I had my doubts but I tried to act enthusiastic.

**Edward's POV**

I shoved socks on top of t-shirts with little care, despite how Alice would react. I wanted Bella so much, in every possible way - I even wanted to eat her. But she didn't want me right now, and even if she did, she shouldn't. I shoved the one drawer open and moved on to the next.

_Love_, Esme had thought as she left, _is the highest priority. It overrules everything else. Absolutely everything else_.

Maybe it overruled higher reasoning, but it wasn't more important than her future. I wasn't changing her until she was ready... I had to change her, I couldn't live without her. The question was when: when would she be ready, when would it be acceptable to take her future away? My mind recoiled at the thought with an instant _never_. Maybe I should wait until she finished college? Until she'd gotten a job? Though she'd have to give it up as soon as she was changed... Perhaps I should give her a chance to have a child? It would be hard, but we could raise it... If Bella's newborn hunger didn't force her to kill it.

It was so frustrating! Every answer led to more questions. I glanced out the window at the dark sky knowing I had to get back to Bella soon. She'd be suspicious if I wasn't there when she went to bed and assume the worst – that I'd left her again. She was so strong, so independent, but she had her vulnerabilities. After all, she was only nineteen.

Everyone else seemed to think that meant she was an adult, but being nearly a century older than her, I couldn't agree. How she'd changed in the time I was gone shocked me, but only because the image I'd had of her was so vivid – just eighteen and ready to take on the world, my world, without question.

I quickly packed up what I was doing and showered. I wasn't surprised, having heard her key in the door and her clumsy tread on the stairs, to find Bella in my room when I emerged. I almost laughed at the wide-eyed look she gave me when she realized I only had a towel wrapped around my waist.

But her heart was off-beat, too fast and uneven. Her eyes were slightly unfocused. And she didn't smell like herself. Her blood was thick with the scent of alcohol, as was her breath.

"Where have you been?" I asked, using my super speed to pull on slacks before she could see anything. I pulled a shirt on but didn't button it up. "Isabella?"

I crouched in front of her where she sat on the edge of the bed and stared at her flushed cheeks, her smile. Inhaled the scent of gin and something sweet and fruity. I gripped her chin lightly, forcing her to focus on me.

"I've been thinking," She said, her words running together. "I want you..." She giggled. "I want you to change me."

"Bella, you're drunk. Where have you been?"

"No, no, no!" She protested. "Listen, I want you to change me. I don't care about all that other stuff, it's shit! I don't want kids! I just want you!" She ran her hand longingly over my bare chest. "Come on, baby, change me. Don't you want me?"

"Where have you been? God, how much have you had to drink?" I demanded, running a hand through my hair.

"I know you want meee... you know I want-cha..." Bella sung off-key, grinning as she played with the buttons on my shirt.

I shook my head, pulling away. "Stay here." I raced down the stairs to get her a glass of water. Or coffee... lots of coffee.

"Edwarrdd!" She moaned, "Noo! I'm not that drunk," She giggled again. "I was just thinking about us. I really love you, you know? And I want you so much! So just change me already!"

"I'm going to kill Alice." I muttered under my breath. I'd asked her to watch Bella, not get her drunk.

"And Jake's really hot, but it's not like that. Even when you weren't here. Sometimes I really wished it was and I could forget you. I mean, why not Jake? Because I love you! Always have, always will. So change me, Edward, why won't you change me?" She called. "I love you! Love, love, love, love, love..."

I ran up the stairs, coffee in one hand and water in the other. Bella had taken off her hoodie and fallen backwards, her hair everywhere as she sprawled, topless and drunk.

"Jess said it's because you're too beautiful." She pointed accusingly at my chest, "Hot guys suck. She said I should find someone ugly. But she's just jealous!" She threw her hands up and laughed. "'Cause you're all mine. Forever and ever and ever and ever..."

I stood over her, holding her head up with one hand and the water to her lips with the other, wondering what Jessica Stanley had to do with this. "Drink." I demanded.

She took a sip and grinned up at me, "You're so beautiful."

I brushed her hair away from her face, sitting down carefully beside her. "You're beautiful. Even when you're highly intoxicated."

She giggled, "I told you, I'm-"

"Not drunk. I heard. But you're forgetting my superior senses. And you, lovely Isabella, are very drunk. How did you get so drunk?"

"My car," She frowned remember. "then Mike and Jess came and we went to dinner. We were celebrating our –" She gestured wildly between us, "engagement. But you weren't there." She pouted up and me and struggled to sit up. I put a hand over my face my mouth to hide my smile, not helping her and she climbed drunkenly into my lap. She jabbed my chest a few times and rested her head against my shoulder. "Nothing hurts now, I like it."

"Bella..." I sighed. "If you really wanted to get smashed, you should have told me. It's not safe to go get drunk with people who can't look after you because they're drunk too."

"Such a party pooper." She mumbled and I chuckled.

"You shouldn't talk about your fiancé like that."

She turned to face me, straddling my lap. Her face was alight with a huge grin. "That's right, all mine. What happens after the wedding?"

The question was so blunt that I leant back in surprise, taking in her face and trying not to look down at her dark blue bra. "We'll be married." I said, thinking back on my earlier questions on when to change her. Her beautiful eyes stared at me, open and unguarded.

"No, the honeymoon? Are we going to have a honeymoon?" Her words slurred and she ran her hands over my chest.

"I don't know, Bella. We'll have a honeymoon, but I don't know if it will be in the sense that you're meaning. We can talk about this when you're sober; it depends on a lot of things." I gently pulled her hands back, offering her the coffee.

She took it with shaky hands, staring at the dark liquid in wonder. "I really want a honeymoon... I want you so much." A tear slid down her cheek and she watched it fall onto her leg.

"Drink some coffee, please." I said quietly, frowning. _She's drunk_, I told myself. _She's drunk_.

"Look at me!" She said, throwing her arms wide so that even with my increased speed I barely had time to grab the coffee off her before it went everywhere. "Don't you want me?"

"Of course I want you, silly girl. But you're drunk, now isn't the time to be discussing this."

She moved her hips in my lap, giggling. "No?"

"Bella..." I growled. "Drink some coffee."

She started laughing and cut off abruptly, stumbling off my lap and falling to the floor. She shot up and spun around, finally tripping her way to the door. I glided to her side and steadied her but she pulled away and ran into the bathroom, falling to her knees in front of the toilet.

I combed my fingers through her hair, pulling it back into a rough ponytail and she threw up. I gently rubbed her back as she sagged over, exhausted. Once she'd emptied her stomach and sat moaning with her head in her hands for several long minutes, I pulled her into my arms and carried her to the bed. I put the glass of water to her lips and forced her to drink it all, cradling her against my side.

I grabbed a soft fleece sweatshirt out of my wardrobe and pulled off her sexy boots. Trying not to think about undressing Bella and all the implications, I unbuttoned her jeans and slowly pulled them off. I sat down beside her and pulled her up to lean against me, tugging the sweat shirt over her head.

She mumbled incoherently and reached behind herself, trying to undo her bra. Awkwardly I reached under the sweatshirt to help and quickly unsnapped it, trying so hard to ignore the warm brush of her bare skin. She was irresistible and I pressed my lips to the back of her neck before I caught myself. She pulled the bra off and put her arms through the sleeves of the sweater, falling back against me.

Less than a minute later she was fast asleep, snoring lightly.

"Oh, Bella, if only you knew how much I wanted you." I murmured against her hair, settling back against the head board.

*_A Message From The Beta_* Now you've read chapter 21, go back and re-read it, but note carefully that Edward doesn't put anything on under his jeans….totally puts a new spin on the rest of the chapter. Commando Edward… *drools* : )


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22 –

**Edward's POV**

Sunlight danced over Bella's hair, bringing out the hint of gold in her brunette waves.

I watched Bella with an admiring smile as she slept, happy to not have to hide it. The sweatshirt had ridden up and showed the line of smooth skin that curved over her hip; along her stomach. It clung to her body, caressed her curves and drew my eyes to them. I clenched my fingers into a fist as she rolled over, pressing herself against my side and throwing her arm over me. How she tempted me. I sighed.

She'd been particularly talkative earlier in the night, though most of it I couldn't understand. I had no idea what she was dreaming about and had tried so hard to coax it out of her to no avail. At least when she was awake I could read her expressions.

It was only five AM, but her cell phone buzzed from her jeans pocket. It frustrated me, not knowing who it was, but I ignored it. It was Bella's life, she should have her privacy. It continued every hour and a half until she finally woke up after midday.

"Bella, love, your phone's been going off for a few hours now. You should check it." I told her gently, extracting myself from her warm grasp. She didn't know the self control it took to slide away from her when she was curled around me like that, only a layer of think fleece separating us.

She stretched her leg, unhooking it from around my hips in the process, and blushed.

I handed her the phone and kissed her forehead. "I'll go get you some aspirin and breakfast, alright?"

"No... no food. Just coffee." She moaned. Throwing an arm over her face she muttered, "And close the curtains, please."

I chuckled and left, humming as I cooked her pancakes despite her protests.

"Hey, Jake." She said into the phone after hitting a few buttons.

"Bella! You're alive. I found your truck and Quil's sister said she saw you in town with some guy, at like midnight. Not a Cullen. Then you weren't at home... Are you alright?"

"Shhhhh..." She whispered, voice muffled by a pillow. "I'm good. Just at Edward's. I overslept."

"I pushed your truck to the side of the road. I might be able to fix it; I'll have a look for you." He replied, though he sounded concerned. Whether about the truck or Bella, I didn't know.

"Thanks, Jake." She grumbled.

"You sound tired, did I wake you up?"

"No. It's fine. I just have a headache." The sheets rustled as she sat up, leaning heavily against the headboard.

"So, who was the guy you were with?" He asked conversationally.

"Mike Newton. His girlfriend Jess was there too. They're old school friends." She sounded slightly annoyed, dazed.

"Are you hung-over?" Jake laughed lightly.

She sighed. "Is that what this is? I thought my brain was trying to escape."

He laughed again, "Oh, Bells, first hang-over? Drink lots of water."

"How would you know?" She grumbled. "You're younger than me."

"Age is relative, remember? You already accepted I'm older than you with my mad mechanic skills. And now that I can cook, you don't even have that going for you." He teased.

She laughed softly and then sighed.

"You want to hang out later, baby girl?" He asked, sensing her mood. _How well he knew her,_ I mused, _would she allow that nickname?_

"Jake..." She growled, as much as she could. "What have I told you about calling me that?"

He laughed, "Don't be silly, Bells. You love it."

To my surprise, she laughed. "When's later?"

"Do you want to come to Seth's party still? It's tomorrow night." He replied hesitantly.

"Of course, I wouldn't miss Seth's seventeenth; he's practically my little brother. When should we meet?"

**Bella's POV**

After I'd hung up I went into the bathroom and splashed water on my face, cringing at my reflection. I was a mess. I went and buried my head under a pillow, my entire focus on the pounding in my head.

_Boom, boom, boom_. I squeezed my eyes shut but it didn't help.

"Bella?" Edward asked gently, sitting down beside me with a tray in his lap. I pulled the pillow off and blinked up at him, my beautiful god of a man, who by some miracle seemed to love me. "I brought you breakfast."

"Thank you," I murmured as I took the aspirin he offered. He handed me a glass of juice and leaned against the headboard, not watching me. I wondered what I'd said, exactly, last night. I had a vague idea but I didn't like to think about it. He'd buttoned up his shirt and rolled up the sleeves while he was cooking, looking deliciously crumpled – though I'd enjoyed the view when his shirt was barely clinging to his shoulders.

"How did you sleep, love?" He asked as I chewed on my lip.

"I had a really weird dream, actually." I told him. "Alice made a dress for me... it was made up of pictures of your face, joined together with chain links, and it was kinda revealing. Then she forced me to wear it and go see you." I laughed in a this-is-too-ridiculous way and smiled.

He smiled back, "What did I think of it?"

I blushed, "You, um, liked it, I think. You didn't really speak..."

"Well, you look beautiful no matter what you wear." He chuckled, eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Thanks." I said softly. I sat up, taking the tray off him. "So, tomorrow night..."

"I'll drive you to the border at six." He told me reluctantly.

"Oh, good. Alright. What do you want to do today?"

"What would you like to do?" He asked in return.

I grinned, "Be with you. Just you."

"Forever." He grinned. " Maybe we could go to the meadow? There's been a lot going on recently, it would be nice to have some down time."

"I don't deserve you." I smiled, playing with the hair at the back of his neck.

He leant towards me, kissing my nose before leaning his forehead against my temple lightly. "When will you ever see yourself clearly?"

...

**Edward's POV**

Some days everything bad that's happened - or that you know will happen - doesn't seem to exist. Even with the many fast spinning wheels of my mind, today was one of those days. Bella may not have seen it that way with her hangover hovering on the edges of her consciousness at all times, but I was absolutely contented. I'd spent the last hour hiking through the forest, carrying Bella and spinning her around and laughing with her. The hour before that I'd listened to her humming as she showered and got ready, thinking of how she'd felt in my lap last night and barely resisting the urge to tear the bathroom door off its hinges to get to her.

Now I sat with her curled against my side, looking up at me as she waited for my response. I was tempted to tease her, but I was curious... and concerned.

"Edward, come on! What did I say? What did I _do_? I did something, didn't I? I can tell by your eyes. They're sparkling. I should never have gotten drunk... that's the first time, you know. And I was with Mike Newton." She babbled, staring pleadingly at me.

"My eyes sparkle?" I laughed.

"Yes!" She sighed heavily, rolling her eyes at me.

"As I said last night, if you wanted to get drunk I would have preferred you do it with me," I smirked at her, "but it was... interesting."

"Don't draw it out."

"You were in my room when I got out of the shower," I began. Her eyes widened. "And you were very loudly protesting my not having changed you yet. You seemed to think it had something to do with, uh, sex." Colour rose on her cheeks, getting darker as I spoke. "You sang some Pitbull, took off your shirt, told me how hot Jacob is."

She bit her lip and grimaced.

I thought back over every detail of the night, the memory sharp and vivid. "You told me how much you love me, over and over," my voice softened. "And you begged me to change you. You said I was yours. You said I was beautiful, but then, you also said you weren't drunk. You asked about our honeymoon." I frowned. "You were happy, though... until you started vomiting."

"Oh, man." She hid her head against my shoulder. "I don't know what part is worst. I hate to think what happened when I was with Mike and Jessica. At least they probably don't remember either."

"Tell me, Bella, was what you were saying true?" I asked quietly.

She looked up with her deep brown eyes, adorable and impossible to resist. "You must know that I love you. And if you haven't noticed the way girls stare at you... well, you are beautiful."

"No, not about that. How much you wanted me to change you. And the other... things you wanted me to do." I watched her through my eyelashes.

She bit her lip, considering. "I was on my way to talk to you when the truck broke down."

"So talk, love."

"It seems silly after last night," she started.

"Why?" I titled my head to the side, not taking my eyes off her.

"It just doesn't matter as much, I mean... I was feeling everything so deeply yesterday. I was ready to confront you. Now I'm just tired – happy to be with you, but tired." She ran a hand through her hair. "I already said so much last night, words don't seem so significant."

"Beautiful Bella," I took her hand away from her face and turned to face her. "Tell me what you want. Please, tell me."

She blinked and stayed silent for what seemed like a long time. "I want to marry you, I really do... but I want you to change me."

"I told you I would, it just wasn't the right time... and then with Charlie."

"But when, Edward? I know you; you'll draw it out and keep telling yourself that it's just another month, another year. That there's more for me to experience. But I don't want any of that; I just want to be with you, to be like you. I don't want kids or a human boyfriend or a house or to keep tripping every day. So give me a date, a set time for when you'll change me."

I looked down, "I don't know." And I didn't, after the wedding obviously, but did I want to spoil her happiness by changing her right then? What about the honeymoon, should she have to suffer the agony of the change then?

"What are you thinking?" She asked.

"That's my line." I told her with a faint smile. I took a deep breath before I answered. "I'll change you after the wedding... when you say you're ready. I promise, Bella, tell me after the wedding that you want me to change you and I will."

I might have cried then, if I could. The hollow place where my heart used to be ached and my throat constricted in an effort to stop the words. It went against everything I had believed to change her... especially so soon. Not only that, the way she was watching me brought a sharper feeling to my non-existent heart, something that surely had to be it breaking. Her eyes gleamed and her pulse stuttered, there was still a faint blush on her cheeks and her lips were red – probably from how she sunk her teeth into them. Her chest rose and fell with each heavy, ragged breath while mine was still and cold.

"Thank you," She murmured.

I almost laughed. "You shouldn't _thank _me, Bella."

"You're not ending my life, you're beginning it." She wrapped her arms around me gently, despite my strength, and pulled my head down into her lap. Her fingers stroked idly through my hair, playing with it. "Edward... I know how you feel about this, but please, trust me on this. Everything will be alright."

I nodded once and closed my eyes, turning my face to the side so I wasn't staring up into her excited gaze. _I wanted this_, I told myself. I imagined her running with me, beautiful as ever and invincible. The image of her with a little boy, undoubtedly her and Jacob's son, came back to me unbidden. Bella's eyes went red, her expression hungry as she gazed at the child. Jacob was gone and I now stood beside her, watching as she bent towards his neck. I opened my eyes again. She'd be better after her newborn phase and then we could be together.

If she still wanted me.

**Bella's POV**

The look of pain on his face made me want to reconsider, to choose something else to want; something he could deal with more easily.

But I couldn't change my mind. Not now, not ever. I couldn't live without him.

Sometime later, my hand still in his hair, I heard his velvet voice. It sounded thinner than usual but I couldn't be sure.

"The ball is in your court now, Bella. You choose when I change you, what the honeymoon will entail... how the future will be shaped for the two of us."

"Alright." I replied, anxious now. I hated when he made me decide things, how he made me question what I wanted all over again, though he didn't do it on purpose. "Can't we... I mean, I want you to change me _soon_, but can't we have the honeymoon first?"

"Of course, love." He said, finally turning to look at me. The force of his golden eyes was almost unbearable in its intensity. That was the way with Edward Cullen, I noted, everything was on the edge of what I could take or what he could endure. We loved to the absolute limit of what we could survive.

"I mean a normal honeymoon. A real honeymoon." I told him carefully.

"Oh." He muttered. "No."

I gave him a questioning look.

"Not until you're a vampire. If you can even think about sex through the bloodlust."

I bit my lip. "I don't want to wait until after. What if I can't be with you when I'm first changed? What if something happens?" Both suggestions seemed impossible, but we both knew they were very likely futures. I could die at any moment, but the change was especially dangerous. I shook my head. "I want you, Edward." I said softly.

"Bella, _I can't_. I'm sorry, but I can't...I'd kill you." His voice was strangled, his face tormented, but I had faith in him.

"You can. I know you can. And I want you, Edward... sometimes I want you so much I think I'll throw myself at you and beg. It's worth the risk, please."

"You did throw yourself at me and beg, topless, last night." He stated dryly. "It doesn't matter, I can't risk it. I won't. You're everything to me, I won't kill you – especially not for such a stupid; selfish cause!" He sat up, pulling away from me. "You don't know what you're asking."

"I do! I've thought about this. I want you so much it terrifies me, but it doesn't matter, nothing does as long as we're together." I leaned towards him, voice raised.

"Nothing? Not your life or your future? Not the books you could edit or review, or whatever you decide to do? Not Renee and Phil, Jacob and Seth and all of your friends? Not what we could have, Bella? Not forever? Because what you're asking is that I throw all that out the window and kill you just because I want to get in your pants! Tell me none of that matters to you anymore and we can do it. Right now if you want." His voice was deadly and I looked down, avoiding his hard gaze.

"Don't be horrible about it, it's not like that." I mumbled.

"Tell me," He said more quietly – but no less deadly – as he used his index finger to tilt my head up. I stared into his impassive eyes and wondered at what he was really thinking. "Tell me, Isabella, what is it like? How is it none of that matters?"

"Because you won't kill me; I trust you." I told him, meeting his gaze. I remembered telling him the same thing when we'd first met and how my voice had trembled, but a lot had come to pass since then. He didn't get to pretend to be the bad guy, to push me away when he thought it was too dangerous.

"Are you sure?" He whispered in my ear, kissing just below my ear, along my jaw line.

"Yes." I stated.

"And the risk doesn't weigh in then; you don't care if you lose everything?" He said softly, not really asking.

"You won't kill me." I told him firmly, though his soft lips were making it hard to concentrate. "I know you won't, I'm marrying you, Edward. It's kind of a package deal – weddings and honeymoons."

"Why wait, if you're so sure? Why not now?" He whispered, gently shoving me back onto the grass and leaning over me with his hand on my hip.

"Edward," I murmured.

He brushed his lips against mine and I sighed. His tongue darted out and stroked across my bottom lip and his sweet breath was intoxicating. My eyes fluttered closed. He pressed his lips against mine and roughly kissed me and when I opened my eyes his were squeezed shut. He kneaded my hip with his fingers and pressed his chest against mine, parting my lips with his tongue. I couldn't think; my mind seemed to sing _Edward, Edward, Edward_, on repeat. He moved to lie on top of me, supporting his weight on one arm.

His other hand moved from my hip to the back of my head, pulling me closer as his mouth became harsher, all consuming. _Edward, Edward, Edward_, I chanted in my head. I realized my eyes were closed when his finger ran over my eyelids. He pulled back slightly, brushing his wet lips against mine. This seemed to entice him more and he moved forward again, kissing me. _Oh, Edward_. I could feel nothing but his mouth on mine and the world seemed to spin around us.

He pulled back again, this time leaning away from me. I opened my eyes and stared at him.

"Breathe." He demanded, muttering what sounded like obscenities to himself. He moved lightning-fast away and stood with his back to me, arms and head against a tree trunk.

"Edward?" I asked shakily when I could remember how to speak.

He didn't reply and I could see his shoulders shaking, his hair dishevelled from where my hands had pulled and mussed it. I stood and made my way over to him, but he froze when I was a couple of metres away and I stopped.

"Please, Edward, turn around." I asked gently.

After a few silent minutes, my heart hammering in my chest, he turned around and slid down the tree truck, leaning his head back so our eyes met. His were black orbs, intense and scary. He still wasn't breathing. "I'm sorry." He whispered, his eyes revealed all the secrets he'd seen; all the tragedies of the world he'd watched over time, endlessly.

"It's okay," I kneeled in front of him. "It's okay. I know you wouldn't do anything I didn't want."

"I'm so sorry," He repeated, an arm thrown over his eyes. "Bella... I'm sorry...please."

"There's nothing to forgive." I told him, trying to take his hand but he moved it away.

"I'm sorry. I'm not right for you and yet here you are." He shook his head. "I'm so, so sorry."

I tugged at the arm over his eyes, which felt like trying to pull a steel pole out of the ground where it's cemented. "I'm not running, I'm here. And I love you. That... that was an accident."

He moved his arm, watching me with his dark eyes. "I _can't_."

I shook my head, about to object.

"No, Bella; my sweet, beautiful _Bella_." He closed his eyes for a moment. "No. I can't. You can't. Not like this, with one of us human. I can't control myself, I could have killed you. I wanted to – you smell so tantalizing, you taste like honey and fruit... delicious. I _wanted to kill you_. And even without that, my strength. I would have hurt you; I wasn't paying attention to you... your safety. You were about to pass out and I didn't even notice you weren't breathing! We can't."

I bit my lip to stop it from trembling. He looked away from the movement quickly, away from me.

"I love you, don't doubt that. I want you. But I can't have you like _that_ until you're a vampire. I'm sorry. I'll take you home and go hunt." He sat forward from the tree, watching me sadly.

A single tear escaped my control and his thumb caught it. He held it up to his eye level and stared at it, hatred and longing mingling on his face.

"I cannot forgive myself for this," He said, holding the tear up as it rolled down his hand. "But I can't do what you want. Please believe that I love you, that I want you more than you could ever imagine."

"I don't have to imagine, I want you equally as much." I murmured.

"I'm sorry, Bella, let me take you home. I'll give you space, I'll go hunt." He gently took my hand, carefully holding it in his.

"Don't... don't leave me because of this. Don't leave me, ever. I need you." I'd said the same thing to Jacob before, but this time it meant so much more. It covered everything I was feeling, the vastness of my emotions and thoughts captured in three words. "_I need you_."

He nodded and I sat back against the grass and watched the sun shining through gray clouds, turning them silver.

"We'll be together, through eternity." He softly stated, coming to lie beside me so that our hands just met. "I won't ever leave you."

It sounded like the sort of assurance you couldn't really keep, the 'everything will be alright' you tell a dying man to stop him from crying. But I wasn't crying, and he wasn't trying to tell me everything would be alright. Just this one thing.

"We're getting married." I told him a few minutes later.

"I know." He replied, smiling softly.

I looked back at the sky, glad that despite everything the thought of our wedding still made him happy. It was strange, I'd been so excited – and I still was – but now more predominately I felt the pressure of time passing. I had to decide, when there really were no options, what I wanted him to do. My future had seemed so clear. I wanted to be with Edward. When the love of your life is immortal, it tricks you into thinking that you'll have that eternity with them.

But anything could change that, not just death, but a simple decision.

"I don't know what to do." I murmured to the sky.

"Well," Edward said, "you don't have to decide now and you don't have to decide alone. I understand how difficult it is, love. Obviously you need to be human for the wedding, people would notice otherwise. I'm sorry I can't give you the honey moon you want, but I can change you straight after the wedding and then we can go away a few years later for a delayed honeymoon... It's the best I've got. Any thoughts?"

"What if... I don't know. I can't get past wanting this – " I pressed a hand against his chest, "while I'm human. But I know you can't." _Stupid, Bella_, I scolded myself. _Of course he doesn't want you like _this_, you can't even stay conscious when he's just kissing you! _

**Edward's POV**

I longed to comfort her, but how could I after what I'd done? I'd forced myself on her, uncaring of her safety or what she was trying to tell me. I was the monster the myths made us out to be.

Bella was forgiving, but that didn't make it right.

"Bella... I think we both need some time to think this over and process. It can wait. How about I go get the food from the car? I'll just be a minute."

She nodded and closed her eyes, "Alright, hurry back."

I sighed and kissed her forehead. "I love you, Bella... I'm sorry about before."

"You don't need to beat yourself up about that. I was kissing you back, I said I wanted you... you were careful with me even when you lost control."

"Thank you, Bella." I told her quietly and stood, moving deftly through the trees and down to the car.

I paused, and leaned against a nearby tree. She had such a kind, bright soul. Taking it away would be my greatest sin and I didn't know if there would ever be a way to compensate for that.

But perhaps I didn't need to, since it was her desire that I do it. Bella was the most important thing to me; it wasn't as though I was risking my own soul; for I had none. No deity to ask forgiveness of, no higher being to offer judgement.

_Just my Bella_, I thought with a deep sigh. I was captive to her will.

I straightened, and opened the boot of the car to get the picnic basket.

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you to_foxyvictoriangurl_ for your ideas, wisdom and the ending of this chapter, along with your various editing skills. And of course, _the dress_ – which everyone else will be thanking you for soon enough. XD

Please review and let me know what you think, thank you to those who have reviewed! Your feedback inspires me and reminds me to write faster. :)


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N**: _As always, thank you to my beta foxyvictoriangurl – for getting exactly what I'm trying to say when even I don't and making me smile at my own silliness._

Chapter 23 –

**Bella's POV**

"Bella?" The smooth velvet voice called, interrupting the warmth and serenity of unconsciousness.

I hummed a response and turned my face into the crook of my elbow. It was so comfortable here, warmer than I expected. Rolling over I found a soft blanket tucked around my body, my jacket on top of that. The soft earth and grass under me was warmed by my body heat. I could just see Edward's long legs crossed a short distance away from me, his hands clasped in his lap.

"Time to wake up, my gorgeous Bella."

"What time is it?" I mumbled into my arm.

"It's after dark, but I wanted to let you sleep. Don't worry, I can still see, we won't have any trouble getting back." His fingers stroked through my hair, almost regretfully. "We should probably get home for dinner, though."

I sat up, pulling the blanket around me. "Oh, sorry for falling asleep."

"You had a tough day, I understand, love."

"Was the blanket in the car?"

He nodded, fluidly standing up at a speed that made it seem like he was stretching himself into a taller version of Edward, and extended his hand to me.

I grabbed it and let him pull me up, watching his expressionless face.

Pulling the blanket around my shoulders he brushed his knuckles down my cheek. "Bella... this is hard, the situation we're in; with everything going on. Nobody could do this alone. But if we stick together, everything could turn out wonderfully."

I put my hand over his, holding him there. "You sound like you don't think it will, though."

He sighed, young and vulnerable in the moonlight. "I love you, isn't that enough?"

I tilted my head slightly to the side. "If only it were so simple."

A heavy moment passed; our gazes locked – his eyes were very distracting and I wondered at my ability to breathe. It had been a tough day, a tough week and a tough month... something that was hard to reconcile with all the good that had happened in that time, too. They seemed separate. I felt off-balance, claustrophobic inside my own head and yet with Edward here, everything would be okay. The weight of the world tried to press in on me and he distracted me from it with a glance, made me believe he would hold it all.

"What are you thinking?"

"I don't know." I answered honestly.

He inclined his head in acceptance and bundling me up like a child, scooped me into his arms and flew through the forest. My thoughts still on the minefield to come, I started wide-eyed at the passing trees; my heart hammering in panic at the closeness of the branches and the nauseating speed everything moved at. Then, before it had clicked that I should close my eyes, we were there.

My mind spun at the sudden halt, but when I closed my eyes the world was still moving around me.

"Are you alright? Bella?" Edward asked gently.

"Just... a minute." I said as he set me down, holding onto my shoulders to steady me. I stared at my feet, feeling as though gravity was moving against me; Edward the only thing holding me down. Mostly, though, I felt nauseous and tried to quell it through will-power alone.

"Perhaps you should sit down," He began, opening my car door and easily carrying me to the seat at a human pace. He smoothed my hair back and kissed my forehead - he didn't seem to be able to stay away from me; to stop touching me. "I should have given you warning before I took off."

"No, no... I just forgot to close my eyes." I rested my head against the car seat and watched his concerned expression turn to one of amusement.

"My little human," He teased.

_Not for long_, I thought, but didn't want to spoil the moment by saying it.

"Do you have morning classes tomorrow?" I asked instead.

He nodded, "I'll pick you up." He said with a wink.

I laughed, "From your bed?"

His eyes sparkled, "Well, you would have to get out of your pyjamas, but I suppose I could help with that."

Biting my lip I grabbed his hand, "Don't tease, Mr. Cullen."

"Oh, you don't think it would be safe for me to help you put clothes on?" He smiled back at me.

"It's the removal of clothes I'm worried about." I laughed. "You seem to be in a good mood, again."

"I'll tell you a secret, Miss Swan – soon to be Mrs Edward Anthony Masen Cullen." He grinned. "I'm a little bit obsessed with you. When I'm around you... it gives me a high. I'm drunk on you, Bella." His voice was low and husky and I caught my breath.

"All the comparisons between me and wine," I replied, heart pounding at his proximity.

"You are addictive," He agreed. "Succulent, sweet, delicious, rare, amazing. Not to mention how you're cheeks are always delectably red." His cool knuckled ran over my heated cheek, down the column of my throat and over my collarbone.

"And you wonder why I couldn't forget you, how my heart could refuse to move on with someone else..." I murmured breathlessly. "Nothing compares to you, Edward."

He chuckled, pulling away subtly and leaning against the door frame. "Except Jacob Black, because _Jake's really hot_." He put on an exaggeratedly high pitched voice, rolling his eyes.

"I do not sound like that!" I protested.

He shrugged, "You were drunk; yelling down the stairs at me, it's hard to imitate."

I blushed. "Don't try to deflect my compliments, fiancé. I love you and you have to live with it."

"You're something special, darling Bella." He grinned and moved around the car into the driver's seat. "And you're hungry; let's get home."

I was hungry, but it was nothing but a low awareness in the back of my consciousness with Edward around. I guess I was addicted to him too.

...

**Edward's POV**

"I can't see how she can disregard the merits of a place in Siberia." Emmett was saying as we sat high up in a tree, watching Carlisle as he ran after a wolf in the distance.

"Why can't you just stay with the family?" I muttered, annoyed at Rosalie more than him.

He rolled his eyes at me, his thoughts on his beautiful – and irritating – wife. He would do whatever she wanted, that much was clear. "We want some time away from the family, some privacy. Rose is sick of pretending to be human. It gets hard, you know?"

"And you know that this is about Bella. How do you think it will feel for her to wake up to find she's scared off half the family?"

"Come on, brother; don't think I can convince Rosalie. She feels very strongly about this." His voice was quiet and amused, his easy-going nature making it hard to argue with him.

"Convince her. Bella needs you both; it's going to be a tough adjustment."

"You only want me for my muscles." He laughed, banging his shoulder against mine. "Never fear, I'm sure the five of you can hold her down if you really work at it."

"Emmett." I sighed, shaking my head. "Please."

He shrugged and stopped smiling for the first time in hours. "I'll try."

"Thank you. Things haven't been working out for her recently and I don't want to give her more bad news." I said as Carlisle joined us, smiling in triumph at his hunt.

"Any word from Bella?" He asked, eying the phone in my hand. _You can't make it ring, you know_, he thought. _You'll hear it all the same from your pocket_.

"No... Maybe I should call her."

"It's barely been two hours since you left her."He smiled, amused and knowing.

Emmett laughed and leapt from the branch, landing in a crouch at the base of the tree. "I'm going to find myself a grizzly distraction. You should do the same, Edward!"

Carlisle clasped his hands together as he watched me, still smiling slightly. "You go ahead, Em."

Once Emmett had disappeared from sight and I could hear his thoughts tracking a bear, I raised an eyebrow at my oldest friend.

"I assume something is troubling you, besides Bella being with a wolf pack, or else you would not have risked leaving Forks." He answered quietly.

I inclined my head. "She's safe with them, at least tonight. I couldn't begrudge her going to Seth's party; he's a good puppy."

Carlisle laughed freely. "Then...?"

"It's been a complicated week." I sighed.

"Is Bella still... upset by Charlie's death?" His thoughts supplied the _depressed_ he refrained from using and I frowned.

"She isn't depressed, but she is upset by losing her father unexpectedly, yes. It has been less than a week."

"As could be expected." He said, waiting patiently for me to continue.

"The night before last, Bella came home drunk." I murmured, keeping my voice low to avoid Emmett overhearing. "She'd been out drinking with her old school friends after she ran into them on her way to me. She wanted to talk, apparently. Well, that was before she got intoxicated and decided a strip show would be better."

He nodded solemnly, hiding the surprise I could hear in his thoughts, and the concern, but not the hint of amusement he found in the situation. "Something that could happen to anyone, even you and I."

"Perhaps. She was very drunk, singing and trying to get me to change her. She seemed heartbroken that I didn't want her… as a woman." I paused, deciding what to tell him. "Of course I do, how could I not? Yesterday we talked – and argued – about changing her and sex. Which would come first, mostly. Things became heated and I lost control for a minute..." I shook my head in shame.

"And she stopped breathing. She just... stopped. I thought she was going to pass out, she was so breathless. The point is; I can't do what she wants – which is to make love to her before I change her. I understand her point, but I won't risk it."

"Edward, are you sure it's not possible? You love her, would that not stop you?"

"I'm sure. She could no more stop me than I could stop myself... when she loses control; she does it entirely – forgetting to breathe, even. All I'd have to do is be distracted enough not to notice that she wasn't breathing and that's _it_. I'm not blaming her, even if she didn't... well, I still couldn't risk my own strength and hunger."

"Then there is nothing to be done." He responded gravely. It only served to increase my guilt, because it was my fault. If I'd had enough control, I could have given her something... but I couldn't even kiss her properly. My strength was the only obstacle there would be.

"The problem remains that it will be years after her change before she'll be interested in me, at least in that way, yet things are progressing between us rapidly. She's less cautious around me than she was years ago."

"I wish, as I'm sure you do, that there was another answer. But I can see nothing but to wait... or risk everything."

**Bella's POV**

Seth sat beside me on the log, Jacob on the ground between us and the younger members of the pack around us. Everyone else – Sam, Leah, Emily, and Seth's school friends – had eaten, swam and danced themselves to exhaustion and left the party.

Jacob rested his head on my knee and grinned. "So you got drunk, Bells."

Seth turned to high five me and I begrudgingly held up my hand.

"It wasn't very fun." I told them.

"That's because you only remember the pain afterwards." Jacob said.

"But other people remember what you did, which is even more not-fun."

Seth laughed, "What did you do?"

"What didn't I do, apparently. It should have been a concert. 18 and over only."I sighed.

"Ah, Bella, showing your wild side." Jacob said, a hint of sadness in his teasing voice.

"Wishing you were there, Jake?"

"No... I just, I don't know. It doesn't seem right, you getting drunk."

I looked into the crackling flames of the bonfire and bit my lip. "Yeah, I know."

He lowered his voice, turning to look at me. "Did _he_ do something to upset you?"

"No, Jake... it was everything. Charlie and..." I shook my head. "It was a lot of things." While I could blow it off as an accident to others, I couldn't with Jacob. He knew me too well.

"You seemed so happy about the engagement when you told me about it. Do you regret it...?"

"It's not that I don't want to marry him, it's just a long way away... a long time to wait."

He didn't ask what I was waiting for, though I think that was more because he didn't want to hear me say it. "Are you sure that's the life you want, Bells? To be with them?"He asked with clenched teeth.

"Yes. I want him, forever."

A flicker of pain passed over his face and turned back to the fire. "You want to be one of them."

"Yes."

"Please, Bella... think about it." He said in a strained voice.

"Jacob," I ran my fingers through his hair. "I've thought about this for so long. I know it's hard, but we could still be friends."

He shook his head. "When?"

"Not for a while... there's no set date. After the wedding. Edward doesn't want to change me, so he'll delay it."

"Small mercies," Jake muttered. "He doesn't even want that life with you, and you'd give up someone who loves you and treats you right and wants to look after you. Someone you could be human with."

"You're not human, Jake... and it's not because he doesn't want to spend eternity with me. He just doesn't want to hurt me."

"Because he's not hurting you now, he didn't hurt you when he left..." Jacob said sarcastically. "You know I can't stop you, Bells. I can't even stop being friends with you. But I will hunt him down if he hurts you again."

"And that will hurt me." I replied softly.

"I know, so I hope he doesn't. Anyway, tell me the everything that made you want to go and get drunk. Charlie and wanting to be a vampire – if that's not psychotic enough."

"You don't want to know." I told him.

"Come on, Bells... You can tell me anything." He coaxed.

"You really don't want to know."

"Tell me!"

I leaned towards him, keeping my voice low so Seth wouldn't hear, even though he was distracted. "Edward won't... do _anything_ with me."

His eyes narrowed as he turned to look at me again. "You mean he won't sleep with you?"

"Or even kiss me, much. He says it's too dangerous."

"It _is_ too dangerous." He said in a low, hard voice.

"Not you, too. I knew you wouldn't like this, but it is what it is. I want him, he won't have me." I whispered.

"He'll kill you."

_That's going to happen anyway_, I thought, but knew better than to say it. "As I said, it is what it is."

He closed his eyes and bit his lip – a habit he'd picked up from me. "I don't understand, Bella. You know it will kill you, yet you want it. You long for it so much that you go get drunk when he won't... Why would you want that? Why can't you accept that you can't have that?"

"Jake," I sighed. "I want to be with him, I love him, so much that it hurts. Not being able to be with him in that way, to never have that connection... I'm going crazy wanting him. I don't even know why. I don't know why it matters so much."

"Bells, I know what it's like to want to be with someone in every way possible. Hell, you don't even have to love someone to want that. But it's beyond dangerous in this situation. I'm really trying to understand how the whole it-will-kill-you warning doesn't turn you off. I can't get past it. He. _Will_. Kill. You." He said, enunciating every word carefully.

I opened my mouth to protest and argue my case, however irrational, but he pressed his fingertips to my lips.

"To sleep with a werewolf is dangerous, it takes a lot of control to ensure you stay human when you're that close to someone else, in a heated situation. In a situation that takes away your control. Times that by a thousand. Not even that. A million, gazillion times that is the danger of having sex with Edward." His bit out the last part, leaning closer to me so no one would overhear.

"I just know he won't kill me... I trust him absolutely." I whispered.

He took my hand and rubbed soothing circles over my palm with his thumb. "It's practically a promise."

"I _know_ him, he won't."

"A guarantee, even."

"Why does no one trust my instincts? He isn't going to kill me!"

"Because you're a danger magnet. Because he's the ultimate monster; who happens to have a particular taste for your blood. Because it's so easy to lose control with someone you love."

I took a deep breath, knowing it was pointless to continue. I was set in my opinion that he wouldn't kill me. Everyone else was set on not finding out. I tilted my head to the side, "You're being very rational. I expected... well, not this."

"It's hard." He admitted quietly. "The wolf wants to yell and shake some sense into you. You focus me, keep me grounded. We've been friends for a long time, Bells, I respect you. I don't want to hurt you – that's my priority. If you need someone to talk to, I want it to be me."

I squeezed his hand. "Thank you, Jake. Really." I felt guilty for being surprised. Before Edward had come back, this wouldn't have been a surprise at all, but Jake's responses to Edward were different to his reactions to everything else. We had a natural, easy going friendship.

I'd listened while he told me how hard it was, not finding the woman he was meant to imprint on. Even when he'd turned to one-night stands to try to find _her_ or get over it. We talked about how he worried it was someone he couldn't have – or me – and how I couldn't be with another man. Not even Jake.

...

"Bella."

"Shh... He's sleeping." A whispered, laughing comment. "Just wake her up."

"What?" I muttered as I rubbed at my eyes. It was dark, except for the bright fire in front of us which had shrunk. I frowned at it and looked up Seth, who leaned over me. Embry hovered just behind him, grinning. I was leaning against something soft and warm, sand under my bare feet.

I blinked and turned to see Jacob, stretching and yawning beside me. I remembered sliding off the log to be closer to the fire and talking quietly to Jake while the young pack members played a wild game of truth or dare on the other side of the fire.

"Sorry," Seth whispered. "You're phone was ringing. A lot."

"What time is it?" Jake asked in a sleep-roughened voice.

"Like two-thirty." Seth shrugged, turning to look at Embry who just shook his head. There was a whoop at the other end of the beach and I saw some of the boys running in the surf.

I groaned and stumbled to my feet, pulling my phone out of my back pocket. Jake rose a lot more gracefully and rested a hand on my arm to steady me.

Three missed calls from Edward. That wasn't as bad as I'd expected, but his calm usually meant he was past being worried and angry at my lack of phone calls and instead contemplating doing something crazy – or suicidal, like crossing the treaty line.

"Edward." I mumbled to Jake and took a few steps away, speed dialling him.

"Bella." He picked up immediately, questions hanging in the silence after that one word.

"Hi, I'm sorry; I fell asleep on the beach." I yawned and tried to pull my mind out of its drowsy stupor.

He sighed, relief and concern mingling. "Are you ready to go home, love?"

I nodded and then realized that was pointless. "Yeah. Bed would be good."

"I imagine sand isn't very comfortable." He said in an amused tone. "I'll be waiting at the treaty line. Please... get Jacob to take you, it's late and dangerous."

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you too, fiancé mine. I missed you."

"Ditto. See you in a few." I clicked off my phone and turned back to Jacob and Seth, Embry already back with the others.

"Time to go?" Jacob murmured.

I nodded, pulling Seth into a hug. "Happy Birthday."

"Thanks, Bells. Don't be a stranger." He released me and Jake took my hand, playfully hitting Seth's shoulder in farewell as he led me to the Rabbit.

**Edward's POV**

Bella was exhausted and clumsy as Jacob helped her out of his car and passed her across the invisible line to me. His thoughts revealing she'd fallen asleep in the short car ride over, choosing to focus on keeping her from falling flat on her face rather than on my presence. Conversations between them hovered on the edge of his conscience and he tried to keep them back. He frowned at the sight of me holding her and mentally – and very colourfully – cursed me.

My lips twitched as I raised a hand in gratitude for looking after Bella, resisting a laugh.

"Don't hurt her." He muttered darkly and got back in his car.

I opened Bella's door for her and reclined the chair all the way back, pulling the seat belt over her. I pressed a quick kiss to her lips and wrinkled my nose, she smelt like dog – as though she'd been rolling in wet wolf. Disgusting; even on my love.

"You can sleep now, Bella." I brushed her hair back and looked into her deep brown eyes. So trusting and loving, so beautiful and irrevocably mine.

"Will you sing my lullaby while you drive?" She murmured.

"Yes." I promised and closed her door, moving around to the driver's side.

They could coat her in their scent, but I was sealed into her heart and mind forever.

He HhhhhH


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24 –

**Bella's POV**

Weeks passed and I didn't hear his name. Then, as if the thought of another official year of my pathetic human existence reminded them, it was spoken in hushed comments. Charlie would be so proud. Charlie would have loved to see you turn twenty. _Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. Gone forever._

"Bella...?" Edward called, knocking on our bedroom door. It was strange to be living with a man, or really anyone who wasn't a relative, but it had been easy to adjust with Edward. The others kept to themselves when they were in Forks, so it wasn't all that different to being at Charlie's with Edward sneaking in.

The only problem was having the same closet and yet not being able to change at the same time and constantly worrying – mostly on Edward's part – that you were walking in on the other person sans clothes. Like now, Edward was always cautious on entering.

"Come in," I replied, guilty that he had to ask to enter his own room.

"The rest of the family is going to arrive tonight for your birthday weekend." He said, sitting down on the bed while I brushed my hair. He folded his hands, expression serious.

I nodded in response, expecting something over-the-top considering how my birthday was falling on a Sunday and Alice had been conspicuously absent the last fortnight.

"What were you thinking, before I came in? You looked... resigned."

I gave him a faint smile; he read me so well. "About how everyone will bring up Charlie at the party... or whatever it is Alice is doing. They always feel the need to comment on how he'd be feeling at each occasion."

He nodded sympathetically. "Endings are hard, all endings."

"It doesn't feel like the end... I always thought that I'd see him again, somehow. But now I'm starting to realize that I won't make it to the afterlife, if there is any; and he's not coming back."

"I know it's hard to accept he's gone, and it's so very sad that it's the end of that chapter of your life... with him and as a human. There's nothing to fix it though, Bella. That's just how it is now. Your world will keep spinning, no matter what happens in your heart. I would say everyone around you will keep going with their lives too, but I know I can't. I feel what you feel." Edward's voice was gentle and smooth, comforting no matter his words.

I sighed and sat down beside him, letting him wrap his arms around me.

"Don't forget him, that's all you can do." He finally said and when I looked up at him his eyes were squeezed shut, a frown pulling at his lips. "That's all you have."

"I hate endings." I sighed, standing slowly and turning to get my bag, giving him a moment.

"Me too." He said quietly.

...

When I returned from work Edward was waiting on the porch for me, holding a small votive candle in a red glass sphere.

"You're last birthday here isn't something anyone wanted to replicate." He said in explanation, taking my bag from me. "So we're having your party outdoors."

He started off toward the back of the house and I hurried to catch up. "So where are we going?"

He grinned and shook his head, "It doesn't work like that."

Then he disappeared for a moment, just a blur moving around the house and when he returned he smiled triumphantly at me for a split second before I found myself in his steel arms.

"You won't be needing your bag."

"Oh."

He let me go and set a fast pace towards the tree line and I half-jogged to keep up, biting my lip. "Edward, wait."

He stopped, as though the tug of my hand had pulled him back, but he was too strong for that. "I have strict orders from Alice to get you there as soon as humanly possible, unless you'd like me to carry you, because I'd be ha – "

I cut him off, putting my hands on his shoulders and reaching on tiptoes to kiss him. "It's not that... I was just thinking today. It's you, was always you."

He gave me a bemused look and I smiled in return.

"It was always you I loved, always you I was looking for. Even before I met you. I think that's why I always hated birthdays, I knew something wasn't right. Years were passing without you." I told him softly. "I love you. And yes, I'd love it if you carried me, I have a feeling this is going to be a long journey."

He stared down at me in wonder and finally replied, "For a human."

He walked at a human pace for a long while, thoughtful. I knew it always surprised him when I said things like that, that it disturbed him also – he would seek to find some way for that love to go badly for me. It was because loving him had ended so horribly in the past, I supposed, it had hurt me seven fold to lose him. He knew that and didn't want it to happen again... it scared him.

"I love you, Bella, as you love me. I understand how it aches to love that deeply, how hard it is to breathe sometimes with your whole body energized and on edge. That I could keep you for eternity... it makes time stop. Please don't ever question that I know that feeling and everything it leads to. I want what you want; I doubt what you doubt... I fear the same things you fear. I love you." He said softly against the top of my head.

"You're kind of perfect." I replied, looking into his deep golden eyes.

"I feel the same way about you." A smile broke across his sincere expression, joy that I hadn't seen in weeks. "Now, let's get to this party." He winked and put a hand over my eyes; supporting my weight with his other arm curved around my back.

I could feel the wind passing and then suddenly a loud and melodious chorus of "surprise!" from my vampire family. Edward's lips brushed my ear as he murmured, "Surprise, love."

He must have handed me over to Emmett because I was in a bear hug and being spun around with my feet brushing gently against the ground. I laughed as smiling faces flashed over his shoulder. Alice reached out and pulled me out of his grasp with a delicate shake of her head to her brother.

"Leave her alone," She mock scolded. "She's a grown woman. Who already has balance issues without being dizzy."

Edward chuckled and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and I leaned back against him. "Well said." He told his sister.

"Thank you, Alice." I added and laughed.

"Well," Jasper drawled from beside Alice, "I believe congratulations are in order, birthday girl. Your future husband recently came into an ocean view villa in Greece. Alice swore you wouldn't make it to twenty... I wouldn't have bet against her, but you know Edward."

"He is determined." I muttered. Alice giggled and flitted off to the food table, no doubt to force the human to eat – there was enough for an army.

"It will surprise you, love, but everyone here is glad to see this day come. Well, maybe not Alice." Edward said.

"It's true." Jasper added. "You shouldn't worry about it; Emmett and I are – were – twenty also. Alice is only a year younger. Esme is twenty-six while Carlisle is twenty-three. Three years is nothing, even to a human."

"Yes; that's very true, Jasper. Food for thought." Carlisle smiled to me. "Now, our beautiful Bella, how about some presents?"

I must have tensed or done something to give myself away because Edward's hands on my waist squeezed gently, his chin pressed against my hair. "Alice very kindly wrapped everyone's presents – they're all human friendly."

Alice laughed as she came to a stop in front of me, holding out a package that was wrapped in dew-green silk; a pattern of sparkles decorating the fabric. A lilac ribbon was intertwined with a freshly-cut vine of tiny white flowers, holding the wrapping in place. It was beautiful and harm-free, something so unique that I didn't want to undo it.

"This is from everyone as an engagement gift." She explained.

"Don't worry, little sis, I've already got a photo of you staring at it, you can move on to opening it." Emmett joked and I glanced up to see him holding an industrial looking black camera.

I laughed and nodded to him, pulling gently at the satin end of the ribbon. It fell away, quickly followed by the silk and I opened the box. A gilded gold frame sat inside, obviously antique, but the picture inside distracted me from the exquisite workmanship. It was focused on Edward's face, shot slightly from the side, as he proposed to me.

There was such a powerful sense of love and hope in his expression, his hand reaching for mine as the moonlight shone done and illuminated the nature-scape around us. I was biting my lip, a hand at my throat, though it was obviously taken from slightly behind me. I leant back into Edward, blinking back the tears at the back of my throat. "Thank you, Alice. Everyone. I love it."

Alice smiled and quickly kissed my cheek, "It was my pleasure. Now, more presents."

She gently took the box from me and Esme and Carlisle stepped forward, the former looking reluctant.

"We know that this isn't exactly what you would have asked for," Carlisle began.

Esme continued, "but we thought it might be what you need. Rosalie helped us choose."

"Keep it, just in case." Carlisle finished.

"I wasn't brave enough to be the one to give it to you." Rosalie smiled from where she stood on the edge of the group.

I frowned and opened the silk parcel. A key rested inside the folds of green. More precisely, a car key. Ah. It reminded me of my truck, which Jacob was still trying to fix. I was starting to think that it couldn't be fixed and he just refused to give up on it, on me. I'd spent days in his garage, watching as he bent over the engine and chattered to me about everything, in the last few weeks.

"It's for a car?" I questioned unnecessarily.

"Your car." Edward murmured, his finger tracing patterns over my hip.

"It's back at the house, you can see it later." Esme said. "Edward can take you."

"It's very fast," He added. "You'll like the speed once you... well, it's a great car."

"Okay." I agreed though I was unsure whether I should decline the car now or go along with it and just never drive it.

"Alice decided paper was too dangerous and we didn't think this needed wrapping." Carlisle smiled, "Everyone in the family has one, so don't worry about it." He handed me a black credit card.

I frowned at the weight and feel of it – it was cool and hard like metal. The American Express logo was printed on the front, along with 'Isabella Cullen' and card number.

Esme softly explained, "It doesn't have a limit and it gets paid out of the family account at the end of the month. I'm the only one who sees the billing statements... you can use it for whatever you like. We'd be privileged for you to use it; you're part of the family."

"We also set up a bank account and some shares for you, but Edward can tell you about that later." Carlisle added.

I raised my eyebrows at Edward over my shoulder and Esme smiled, "it's a joint account, so he has all the details."

Alice thrust a larger package into my arms and smiled, "something more fun. This is from me."

I found a black leather Prada bag inside and gave her an amused smile. It was a flap bag with a gold buckle holding the flap down and a practical shoulder strap. I found myself liking it, rather than the usual reaction I had to the outrageous designer bags she gave me. Inside was a matching wallet, my driver's license and college ID already slotted in, along with some cash and a bank savings card. There was also a compact set of makeup inside – lip gloss, eyeliner, shadow and mascara – all in colours I usually wore - and a crystal encrusted pen.

"A pair of matching shoes is already in your wardrobe." She grinned.

"Thank you, I really like it." I smiled back.

"I knew you would." She laughed and grabbed Jasper's hand; pulling him forward.

"Something else for you to put in the bag," He drawled, "from me."

Alice was already taking the presents off me, packing the card and car key into my new handbag carefully as he handed me another silk package.

Inside, a leather case held an electronic tablet. He pressed the menu button and a picture of Edward, Alice and I appeared, all smiling, as my background.

"I've loaded all your favourite movies and books, so you can read wherever and whatever you want. The box and accessories are in your room." Jasper smiled softly, understanding how much I appreciated it.

"That's very thoughtful, thank you." I murmured, letting Alice put it away.

Emmett gave me a travel voucher next. "Go wherever you want, wherever you want to see as a human. Travelling is less special when you can swim or run anywhere in the world. Be spontaneous. Just don't elope to Vegas without me." He grinned and pulled me into another bear hug, murmuring, "Make it count."

It was the only indication I'd ever had that he thought of his human life, shared with the others the regret of losing those experiences. "Thank you."

He ruffled my hair and set me down in front of Rosalie. She watched me, frowning slightly, and silently held a velvet box out to me.

Opening it I was stunned by the glitter locket. Heart shaped and made of thick gold, a large ruby was set on the front, surrounded by an outline of diamonds, then smaller rubies and another ring of diamonds. It rested on a sturdy gold cross-link chain and when I opened it I found a picture on the left of Renee and on the right, Charlie.

"Something for forever." She told me softly and took it out of the box, moving behind me to clasp it. It fell just below my collarbones and rested comfortably. "And a reminder of who you are. Where you come from."

I ran my fingers over the uneven surface and blinked back tears again. I surprised her by turning and pulling her into a hug.

"Thank you, Rose. I'll keep it with me, always."

She nodded and brushed my hair back from my face, "It suits you."

**Edward's POV**

I moved behind Bella, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her towards the food table.

"Love... I've given you everything I have, every part of my soul, my heart, my mind. There is nothing material that can represent that... that could ever be enough. I was hoping for an epiphany," I brushed my fingertips over the locket Rose had given her, frowning. "But I couldn't find anything to express what you are to me. You have everything I own; it's yours – every property around the world and every car, all the music and books and art! You have me... but... you have to tell me what you want for your birthday, I'm sorry."

She laughed at my serious tone and turned to kiss my cheek on tiptoes. "Edward."

So many emotions and sentiments, yet she contained them all in my name.

"I have everything I want, you ridiculous man." She grinned and turned to start filling her plate with food.

"Well, not quite yet." I murmured, hearing the distant echoes of thoughts. Some louder and more obnoxious than others.

"What do you mean? Not another villa." She groaned teasingly.

"No," I chuckled and leaned down to brush my lips against hers. "I won't be sharing this something."

I glanced up to see him shirtless – despite the fact I'd left a shirt for him – and smirking. "Well, I hope not."

**Bella's POV**

I spun around and Jake walked over to hug me. "No way! What are you doing here?"

"I wouldn't miss my baby girl's birthday." He grinned over my shoulder at Edward and I noticed the other Cullens had moved further away, eyes watchful.

Seth walked out from behind Jacob, fully dressed in designer clothes; probably thanks to the Cullens.

"You invited him?" I asked Edward, biting my lip.

He nodded once, glancing at Jacob guardedly, his cool hand resting on my hip in a gesture that said 'she's-mine, mutt'.

"Thank you," I gave him a quick kiss and turned back to Jake, "and thank you for coming. It means a lot to me."

"Happy 20th, Bells... still not old enough to drink." He winked and laughed. "Not that that would stop you. Your present is up in your room, I believe." He gave Edward a meaningful look that dared him to have removed it.

I welcomed Seth and Embry, who had come with Jacob and offered them food.

"Come help yourselves to food," Edward called; grinning, "Clothes are there."

Slowly the rest of the pack trickled in and began eating, making it seem like there hadn't been a three-tiered cake covered in marzipan flowers and an array of at least a hundred gourmet sandwiches.

Esme began playing a lovely old-fashioned flute and Emmett joined in with something that looked like a more elegant version of the modern guitar. Together they created an eerily beautiful melody that built up and up and up before gently falling back down, weaving through the cool twilight air.

I sighed happily and sipped at a strawberry mocktail, leaning against a tree as the others enjoyed themselves. Jasper and Seth were discussing fight tactics animatedly, Seth looking in awe at the war-damaged vampire. Carlisle spun Alice around, looking like a true father on the impromptu dance floor, with Edward and Rosalie elegantly waltzing around them. Surprisingly, they were both smiling and made a jaw-dropping pair. I ran my fingers over my locket, smiling as Edward dipped Rose until her hair brushed the ground and she laughed.

"You look happy," Jake said, walking over from the grouping the pack had made around the dance floor.

"I am." I smiled up at him.

He chewed on his lip and sighed. "Can I talk to you for a minute? In private?" He motioned to the forest and I started to walk beside him.

"It won't really be private." I reminded him gently.

"Better than with all of them watching." He muttered. Once the noise of the party had faded we stopped walking.

"Jake, what's up?"

"I wanted to... well, I know it's going to be soon, Bella. You becoming... one of them." His voice was low. "And I have to accept that. I do accept it, to an extent. But..." He leaned closer, his lips next to my ear and his voice quiet. "Don't be mad. I just want you to know what it's like, what it would be like."

Then his lips were on mine before I'd processed that he'd finished talking, gentle; so gentle, but insistent. I opened my mouth in surprise and he sucked on my bottom lip lightly. It was over quickly and he took a step back, hands on my shoulders. He stared intensely into my eyes, watching and waiting.

"Oh, man, you're so pale. I'm an idiot." He muttered, running a hand through his hair.

I knew Edward would have known what was going on and could have been here by now, could have already killed Jacob if he'd chosen, and yet when I looked around we were still alone.

"Jake..." I trailed off, lost.

"Bells, no, that was stupid. I know you love _him_. I wanted to kiss you and so I did... I guess some part of me can't give you up."

"It's okay. That's okay." I sighed.

"Sorry," He said sheepishly.

"Don't worry about it." I replied, giving him a small smile to let him know it was alright – despite my internal freak out. This is _bad_, my brain screamed at me.

"So... how was it?" He asked after a moment.

I shook my head, amused. "Jake..."

"I mean, did you feel anything?"

"Your lips on mine." I replied flatly.

"You know what I mean."

"We both already knew we have chemistry, Jake. Don't make it harder for yourself by asking for me to spell it out. It was a good kiss, but I really love Edward. There can't be anything between us, don't do that again. Please."

"Sure," He said with a smile, "but I have that memory, Bella. Whatever happens. And so do you."

I hit his shoulder lightly. "Come on, Jake, I have a fiancé to get back to."

"Yes, you do." Edward said, appearing beside me as we started to walk back. "A _fiancé_." His eyes narrowed slightly at Jacob.

Jake laughed slightly, "It would appear so."

**A/N**: Thank you to everyone who reads - and reviews! I really do appreciate it, even if I don't get a chance to reply (especially if you review as a guest!). It keeps me writing. :) Thanks always to the wonderful, world's best beta, _foxyvictoriangurl_. Someone get that girl a trophy... or some pantene. ;)


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N**: This chapter is particularly long – the longest – but it needed to be. Thank you eternally to _foxyvictoriangurl_, my beta; really, seriously, she's amazing. Enjoy! Listening to Christina Perri's 'A Thousand Years' with this chapter just adds another dimension, especially towards the end, so if you can, do it!

It follows on from the previous chapter...

_Chapter 25_ –

**Edward's POV**

I ground my teeth together and angled my head so Bella wouldn't notice my clenched jaw. Some things had to happen, I reminded myself; for people to have closure. My upbringing insisted I deck him, but it also said I announce Bella as an 'easy woman' and leave her disgraced. Hell, my every instinct was to tear his throat open, cut his tongue out so he could never maul _my_ Bella again. I respected his arrogance in this situation but found his integrity entirely lacking. She didn't need to know that, especially on her birthday. He did.

Once back at the party I smiled and asked her to dance, twirling her quickly and moving around the others, making eye contact with Carlisle and gesturing behind her back for him to cut in. He nodded and handed Alice to Jasper, spinning Bella into his arms on a turn.

I smiled in thanks and kissed her temple as I made my way to Jacob Black. The pack watched me warily, forming a loose semi-circle around him.

"How _dare_ you." I muttered when I was a metre from him. "She is engaged!"

He smirked, remembering how he had dared, very happily. "Woah, it was completely harmless. Just between friends."

"Oh, do you make a habit of attaching your mouth to you friends' without consent?" I hissed, stepping closer. "Don't you ever touch her again. Do you understand? You. Do. _Not_. Touch. Her. _Ever_. Or I will kill you, and I won't regret it."

He put his hands palm up in front of him, both holding his pack back and surrendering. "I get it, she's yours. Don't hurt her and I won't have any reason to interfere."

His cool tone was ruined by his shaking and his thoughts.

I smirked. "She is mine and I'm going to protect her. You were good for her. She likes having you as her friend. But she loves me. She chose me. I invited you here under the impression you accepted that, that we had a truce. But if not, you are expendable."

"Enough threats," he growled. "You left her and she turned to me, I'm sorry if that gets your sparkly panties in a twist. What happened tonight was nothing, an accident. Leave it be." _I wanted her to know what she could have, to have kissed someone else before you take her life away_, he thought. _A leech like yourself wouldn't understand, you have your mouth on people too often._

I glared at him and waited. "Why don't you kill me then, Jacob Black?"

Bella gasped from behind me, having walked over to join us. "You can't kill him!"

"Because she needs you." Jacob responded, ignoring Bella. "And I would rather die than hurt her."

"So, I'm going to have to put up with you for the entirety of your extended lifetime."

"Yes." He stated, holding my gaze with the authority of an alpha. I wasn't a puppy and I wasn't backing down.

"Fine. Don't touch her again."

"She decides what she wants."

"She would appreciate it if someone acknowledged she understood English." Bella muttered.

Jacob and I turned to face her at the same moment then glared at each other.

"Maybe it would be best if you two stayed away from each other, remember how accepting of each other you've been?" Bella said.

"No, if he's in your life, he's in our life. I can't pretend he doesn't exist." I replied smoothly.

"Sure, you want to be best friends now. 'Oh, we both love the same girl, let's braid each other's hair!' Maybe next time we could go kill some innocents together." He muttered.

"Jake!" Bella reprimanded. "This is my party. This is my birthday! Can you _both_ please be civil? Have you tried actually talking, ever? I'll start you off. Jake, you say: 'Congratulations on your engagement, I hope you'll both be happy.' Then Edward says thank you and you can bond over stories of me nearly dying, alright?" She got progressively more worked up, jabbing my chest with her finger at the end.

Jacob looked down, "Sorry, Bells. I know, I said I'd try."

"Edward, I forgive him; you forgive him, please?"

"Fine. Do you want to dance?"

She shook her head. "I'm going to talk to some adults; you two can discuss how to get along for the next two hundred years."

I frowned but didn't follow her when she walked over to Alice. The pack slowly dispersed and ignored us.

"I'm never going to forgive you for killing her. Or for leaving." Jacob said finally.

"Good. That makes two of us."

He glanced up and glared at me. "Then why are you doing it?"

"Because she begged me to. I can't live without her, but it appears she feels the same way." I said simply.

"Okay."

"What?" I asked.

"Okay, I understand that. I love her too."

"So you're going to try to steal her, then."

"No – she's made her choice. I love her but... I haven't imprinted on her." His mind followed on, splintered into a multitude of futures: Finally getting Bella and then imprinting on someone else, what it would do to her to take her away from the one she'd 'imprinted' on.

I frowned at the rational thoughts, wondering why he had to be such a worthy opponent. "I agree; it would be the wrong thing to do. I'm just concerned that you do not agree with your own mind."

"Maybe you're more worried about what your girl feels." Jacob replied, but the pre-warning and melancholy of his thoughts took the sting out of it.

I angled my head and stared at him silently for a moment. "Thank you."

"I didn't do it for you, like I just said-"

"Yes, you're worried about what will happen if you imprint." I shook my head. "Thank you for looking after her."

He nodded in acceptance.

"You'll stay friends with her, won't you?"

_Yes_, his mind answered, their friendship irrevocable. _Yes, yes, yes_. They'd claimed each other, in a way, would always be a part of the other.

"What... how did you become friends?" I asked quietly.

"She came to me... about these bikes. " He answered reluctantly, but he couldn't find a reason not to tell me. "She wanted them fixed. They weren't the most broken thing on my doorstep, though. I fixed. She stayed. When I became a wolf, I tried to break away from her. She stayed. "

It played out in his mind, all the images unwelcome – Bella depressed, the two of them laughing, her persistent calls when he tried to stay away. I didn't want to ask what had come after, but I did.

"Did you ever... try to be anything else? More than friends?"

He pressed his lips together and I listened carefully to his thoughts. "No." He lied after a minute.

I raised an eyebrow. "That's interesting."

I heard Alice's laughter and glimpsed Bella biting her lip, whether in anticipation of what Jacob's thoughts would tell me or at the thought of her two men fighting.

Jacob Black glared at me, "Why did you even ask if you could just raid my thoughts?"

"I can't 'raid' your mind to find whatever I want; I can hear what you're thinking about. I'd prefer if you told me, there's no point in keeping secrets now."

_Bella asked me not to... Rain against the roof, Billy out with Charlie...Bella's soft hair slipping through russet-toned fingers... Neither of them breathing as they should_. "We tried." He finally admitted. "We knew that we could find someone we could trust in each other; where it had been lacking in past loves. In another life..." He shrugged. "Bella was loyal to you, even when it killed her to be. It couldn't be right between us while that hung over her. Sometimes she tried to pretend, because we were so close, but I couldn't be with her like that. She realized that and we stayed friends after that."

_She might have come back to me some day_, he added.

"Perhaps." I nodded, certain that given enough time, she would have chosen him – but also that he would have had the same time to find his soul mate.

"She didn't... there was no one else. I mean, Bella and I barely kissed, and that was it for her. I thought you'd be wondering."

"I was." I couldn't stand the thought of someone else touching her... and Jacob Black understood that. I chuckled at the realization of how our thoughts mirrored one another.

The corner of his mouth tilted up for an instant before he remembered something and his stance changed, stiffened. "Do not hurt her."

"Ah," I said to his thoughts, "you are very close. I'll admit I'm surprised she shared that with you. Rest easy that I won't risk her safety, Jacob Black."

"Of course not." He said sarcastically. "You're a vampire, silly me to think you might lose control."

"Bella is safe. Enjoy the party."

"I will kill you if you hurt her."

"Likewise." I muttered as I turned and stomped away, going to Jasper instead of my Bella.

**Bella's POV**

Jacob's warm hands rested on my shoulders and I turned to glare at him.

"Come on baby girl, he doesn't make the rules. I can still touch you, can't I?" He murmured, hiding his concern with a smile.

"That... yeah. Just try not to cross any treaty lines, alright?"

He laughed quietly and pulled me into a hug. "Bells, I'm sorry," He whispered into my hair. "Honestly."

When he pulled back, I nodded and looked to where Edward stood with Carlisle and Jasper.

"He's alright; I didn't tell him anything too controversial. Not the many nights we slept together, for instance." He laughed when Edward's eyebrows rose, though he continued to look at Carlisle.

"Jake, you really shouldn't tease him."

"Sure, sure. He's marrying my girl, of course he's going to get it."

I laughed slightly, my mind on Edward still.

"His mistake for not coming to you first." Jake commented wryly.

"Mm... I doubt it was a mistake. He's probably thought five steps ahead of us." I sighed. "Tonight has been rough for him – for you, too. It's not the best time to be trying to instigate peace."

"Will you dance, Isabella?" Jasper asked, gliding to a stop at my side. "Your opportunities to trip over your own feet are limited and I'd love to share this chance."

"You never trip," I laughed, surprised. I let him take my hand, smiling over my shoulder at Jake. I mouthed 'later' and stepped onto the impromptu dance floor with an elegant and dangerous creature intent on making me twirl.

"Edward has a... surprising mind." He murmured after a minute.

"Hmm, that's true."

"You're expecting him to push you away, but I have an inkling you will be surprised at his reaction. Maybe more so because of your own feelings and thoughts, though. You do not expect his love."

Because it wasn't a question I didn't try to answer, nodding and stumbling around in a half-hearted spin.

"I worry, Bella, that you will always have that." He sighed, squeezing my hand gently, unexpectedly. "But how can you, with all these people loving you?" He gestured around the clearing. "You should feel it – warmth, alive with it, the love... And at its centre, a vulnerable man... who approaches from behind me, I fear."

I laughed lightly, smiling. "Thank you, Jasper."

"You would not believe the love and emotion, the warmth, when he is with you." He whispered, kissing my cheek and stepping back.

**Edward's POV**

It seemed to be an ever-evolving struggle, being with my beloved. An epic mountain climb, each crest revealing another upwards slope as soon as you reached it. My imagination provided images of what I would find at the top and fuelled my determination. Now more than ever, Bella was mine. What more could be in the way?

"So you're okay with this?" Bella asked, assessing my quietness.

"If you are unaffected by it, then yes." I said deliberately, patiently – both the deliberation and patience directed internally. I needed to be at peace with Jacob Black. I needed to not be seeing it in his mind. Over and over again.

She bit her lip unconsciously. "Then let's dance."

Studying her warm eyes, the gentle pout of her lips, I rested a hand on her lower back and swayed to the haunting melody Esme was leading, her flute a siren call in the night.

"Stop trying to read my mind, Edward." Bella said with a smile.

I chuckled against her hair, "Am I so obvious?"

"No, not at all." She grinned, looking up at me with an openness that was unique to this Bella – hadn't been present two years ago.

"You don't believe me. About being okay." I murmured questioningly.

Her arms wrapped around my neck, pulling me closer effortlessly. "I just sense it. You. Like something emanating from you."

I sighed. Nuzzled my face against her cheek. "I love you."

"I know." Her lips turned, pressed against my cheek tenderly. _I love you too_, they said. _Absolutely_.

"It's been a long time." I whispered. I didn't clarify since what and she didn't ask, and I didn't let her go. Not as we danced, or as we farewelled guests. Not when she swayed in exhaustion and I carried her home. Not when I pulled off our shoes and tumbled into bed beside her, not bothering to change clothes.

I held tight as she kissed me; whispered 'Happy Birthday' against her ear. I rested on my elbow and hovered over her, sipping at her mouth as her hands found my hair.

"Don't stress, I'm here... _I'm here_." Bella murmured. "I'm not going anywhere. Not even with Jacob."

"Mm," I groaned, "not him."

"Only you." She agreed and begun unbuttoning my shirt.

I shook my head and pinned her hand against her hip, holding it there. "I know, Bella, you're all mine." I pulled that hand up to my lips briefly; kissing her engagement ring.

"_Mine._" She pulled on my hair, guiding my lips back to hers. She tugged at my bottom lip, sucked on it, and I knew it wasn't a good idea. In fact, it was a terrible idea. But why should Jacob Black get to have his tongue in her mouth and not me? Why was _careful_ so important?

She made a soft noise as I stroked the tip of my tongue over the inside of her lip and tangled her hand with mine, wrapped herself around me, her hand roaming from my neck to the opening of my shirt. I cupped her cheek with my free hand, gentle... I had to remember...

I pulled back to her gasp; letting her breathe at last.

"Oops," She said breathlessly after a moment.

"Mhmm..." I agreed as I leaned in for another kiss. Slow, blissful and a melding of our hearts, time was lost to me.

When I pulled back again she laughed and hooked her leg over my hip. "This is a very bad idea."

"Never," I sighed, "Nothing that feels this good could be a bad idea."

"But?"

"You should get some sleep, it's very late."

She glanced at the clock and grinned, "It's very early."

"Alice wants me to tell you that she's taking you dress shopping tomorrow. And something about dog food for the wedding." I chuckled.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Goodnight kiss? I think I'll need it if I'm dress shopping with Alice tomorrow."

I brushed my mouth over hers and felt her relax against me, somehow finding the cold reassuring. "I'll love you forever. There's nothing you can do about it."

"That's good, because I'll be loving you right back. Every second of forever."

"I'm glad... Alice has planned most of the wedding, so I'll be needing that love to keep you from killing my sister." I murmured.

"I love your crazy family. _Our_ crazy family. I love that you presumed to put 'Cullen' on my credit card. I love that you invited my friends, despite that whole mortal-enemies relationship. I love how you'll be here forever. Now, kiss me, please." She nipped at my bottom lip and I growled playfully, caressing her mouth with my own.

"Sweet dreams, love."

"Always about you." She murmured dazedly. "My man..."

...

**Bella's POV**

When I woke up, the light in the room was the same. The sheets were the same. My pyjamas were the same as they always were. Yet everything felt different – most noticeably, the cold form beside me. No arms were wrapped around my waist as they usually were, and we were both decidedly on our own sides of the bed.

For the first time ever, this made me unbelievably, unbearable ecstatic. Nervous and excited and anxious and I still had a whole day to survive. I smiled and rolled over to face my best-girl-friend, Alice.

"Morning, baby." She said in a ridiculously bad imitation of Edward's deep tone.

I giggled and fluttered my eye lashes. "Oh my, your hair is getting very long, just perfect for me to play with."

"Time for breakfast, human!" She laughed, ruining the impersonation. "How was that? As good as waking up next to your Romeo?"

"Perfect." I grinned. "How about that breakfast, though?"

"Esme's cooking downstairs... be warned, if you eat everything she is cooking you won't fit into your dress, unfortunately."

I laughed and sat up, stretching.

"Today..." She began a far-away look in her eyes, "is a _day_."

"It's _the_ day." I nodded and stood up. The day... It was a scary thought.

"This is where it begins, Bella." She said solemnly, staring at me with wide eyes.

"Yes, this is where my marriage begins." I agreed.

"No, no... everything. This is where _everything_ begins."

"Will it be good?" I asked, not qualifying what 'it' was because I couldn't decide if I meant the day or the wedding or _everything_.

She closed her eyes for a second and rested her head back on a stack of pillows. A faint smile curled her lips as she murmured softly, "It will be so very good, Bella. You can't imagine."

"I can try." I smiled.

She shook her head lightly, grinning now. "Europe will be nothing, in comparison."

I pressed my lips together, despite my perpetual smile, and shook my head. "Not possible."

Europe had been spectacular, the best gift I could ever receive – a combination of Emmett's and Edward's birthday presents to me. While Emmett had given me the idea with the flight credit, Edward had made it happen. He'd made every moment of the holiday amazing and unforgettable. I'd blissfully danced across England and France with him, swum in the glistening waters of Italy and Greece... We'd seen everything I'd ever wanted to see in Europe and then some, to return just under a fortnight before our wedding.

It had been a blur since then; constantly we were planning, having fittings and smelling hundreds of different flowers. Alice had handled the venue, seating charts, menus, RSVPs, linens, gift directories and shortlisted everything else for our approval. I knew that Edward had been an active part of the process, planning while I slept the whole time we were in Europe, though he'd only own up to being in charge of the music.

"Breakfast!" Esme sing-songed from the doorway. "Good morning, bride-to-be. How did you sleep? We didn't keep you up too late?"

"No, of course not. I slept very well, thanks." I smiled at her obviously excited demeanour. Last night had been a girls-only celebration complete with mani-pedis at a resort in Portland, an expensive dinner and a very greasy karaoke club. Despite Jess and Angela's attempts to get me 'drunk and singing on the table tops' I'd remained sober and in my seat. I didn't need to be intoxicated to be happy about marrying Edward, it was already perfect.

"Breakfast is downstairs... and you have a visitor." Her smile waivered at the end and I frowned.

"Who is it?" I asked as I walked down the hallway behind her.

I skipped down the stairs and grinned when I saw Seth – who was now buff and well over six ft. tall.

"Hey, Bella," He smiled but when I reached forward to hug him he stepped to the side, out of my reach.

"What's wro- Oh." I bit my lip to shut myself up when I realized the he'd moved to reveal Jacob, who was biting his own lip.

"Hey," He mumbled a half smile on his lips. "Blushing bride, huh?"

"Jake! What are you doing here?" I stepped forward and pulled him – reluctantly – into a tight hug.

"How about you two take some breakfast out onto the back porch? Seth, help yourself, honey." Esme said, smiling warmly at the younger wolf.

I nodded and picked up a plate, passing one to Jake. Esme had set up a buffet-style spread of every breakfast food imaginable. She's probably been cooking all night. I grabbed a bacon and egg-filled bagel and a glass of juice and turned to Jacob expectantly.

"I wanted to see you, before the ceremony."

"Not to try to talk her out of it, I hope." Rosalie said, as she wandered in from the garage.

"No," Jake frowned. "There'll just be a lot of people there and I wanted to get a chance to talk to you before you go away..."

I smiled and motioned for him to follow me out the back door, sliding it shut behind me to give the impression of privacy. "Sorry about Rose," I shrugged, "She doesn't mean to...I don't know. It's just how she is."

"It's alright, I can handle Blondie..." Silence hung and I continued smiling like an idiot. "So..."

"Today is my wedding." I said in a rush, just as he spoke. "You go first."

"Um," He began, looking out over the river. "I was just saying that I've been taking classes in Portland to get qualified as a mechanic."

"Wow, that's great. Wait... you're still in school, right?"

"Yeah, I've just been driving out after school and on Saturdays."

I nodded. "Your graduation must be in like... what, a couple of months?"

"Yup. So, big day. I mean, how are you... about it?"

"I feel like I'm not Bella anymore, but in a good way. I never thought I'd get married at twenty."

"That's the part you can't believe?" Jake laughed.

"Kind of." I nodded and grinned.

"When you... when you go away, just don't forget me. About our friendship, okay?"

"Never. Not if I live forever. You are the best, best friend ever, Jacob. And you better remember that I love you, every day, no matter what."

His voice softened, "This isn't goodbye, Bells."

"It kinda feels like it." I mumbled.

"I'll be at the wedding."

"You know that's not the same thing."

He glanced down, fighting with himself. "Bella... I'll still be here when you come back from wherever you go, and I don't mean the honeymoon. If you want me."

"Of course I will." I argued.

"I was, um, talking to Edward and he explained about newborns. I understand, Bells."

I sighed, because Edward was usually right. "I'll come to you when I can."

He shook his head and grinned. "I'll call you, like you called me when I had 'mono'. I'll just keep calling until you answer."

I laughed, "Thanks."

"Congratulations, Bells. I think this marriage will really work – especially considering you'll finally get some." He laughed and did an exaggerated wink.

I punched his arm lightly, "Don't even bring that up."

"It'll be your honeymoon tonight, are you sure you don't want me to give you _the talk_? Some advice? A high five?"

"It's not that kind of honeymoon," I whispered harshly to get him to shut up, Esme was on the other side of the wall we were leaning against.

His grin froze in surprise for a second and then he laughed, a deep-clutching-his-stomach laugh. "Oh man, he won't put out?"

I bit my lip.

"Has he not seen how sexy you are? Hot damn. Even Paul said he would tap that." Jake teased, in-between more laughter.

I blushed. "Jake... He's just being safe. He doesn't want to kill me."

"Sure, sure," He smirked. "Are you sure he's not gay?"

Muffled laughter from inside the house.

"I am marrying him." I sighed.

"Then he's got to be having a tough time." He grinned like that was the best thing he'd ever thought of.

"Preaching to the choir here. How's Billy?" I said, smiling sweetly at the blatant subject change.

"Oh, um... he's doing well. Sue Clearwater's been cooking for us a lot..." He said distractedly.

"Stop thinking about 'tapping that' or Edward being gay. Do you think Sue and Billy are, you know, together?" I rolled my eyes at his grin.

"Maybe, but I think for the moment they're just friends. He's happy alone."

I nodded and quickly finished my breakfast before Alice could come drag me away. "I have to get ready, sorry, Jake."

"Girls." He rolled his eyes, "The wedding isn't for, what, five hours?"

"Five hours? It can't be that soon." I blinked at him. I was getting married in _five hours_? Five hours!

He laughed at my shock. "Go, Bella, you'll do great."

I stood there biting my lip, letting it sink in. I was getting married today.

"Hey," he said softly, taking my free hand. "You'll be the most beautiful bride anyone's ever seen, and everything will work out perfectly. Trust me. Edward is the right man."

"Thanks, Jake." I kissed his cheek and let him take my plate.

"Go let the evil pixie make you over – not that you need it!" He laughed and hit my butt lightly as I walked passed.

"Jake!" I laughed and turned to glare at him as I walked away, tripping over the door mat and hitting my head on the glass door. "Ow!"

Esme was there in a second giving me an ice pack and helping me inside where she handed me over to Alice.

"Sorry, Bells!" Jake called out behind me. "See you walking down the aisle!"

"Oww..." I moaned as Alice sat me on the couch. The world was faintly spinning. Or maybe that was me.

"Do you want me to call Carlisle, honey? He can be here in a couple of minutes." Esme asked, tucking my hair back.

"No, I'll be fine, just give me a minute..." I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Clutz," Alice giggled, "That better not swell up before tonight."

"Edward won't notice; he'll be too _gay_..." Rose teased.

"Rosalie!" Esme scolded, smiling.

"What? He will be _really happy_." She looked at Alice and they both snickered.

Esme sighed and smiled affectionately at her daughters. Then she looked at me and frowned. "I won't get Carlisle to come over here, but how about I call him and see if there's something I should be doing besides the ice?"

"Alright, but it's fine, really."

She smiled and grabbed her phone out of her pocket. She dialled and sat down beside me, putting the phone on speaker.

"Hello darling," Carlisle answered. "What can I do for you?"

"For us, actually. Bella's here too." Esme grinned.

"Hey," I said into the phone.

"Good morning, Bella. How are you feeling, excited?"

"Yes, it's very, um, soon."

He chuckled and Esme grinned at the sound. "Unfortunately, Bella had a bit of an accident involving her head and the back door, doctor."

"Ah," Carlisle said in his business voice. "What happened?"

"I wasn't watching where I was walked and I tripped over the door mat and uh, into the door." I blushed.

"Alright, how does your head feel? Any dizziness, swelling, bruising? Short term memory loss, lack of concentration?"

I sighed, "It's fine, seriously. It's just a little sore and I was dizzy at first but not so much now."

"How's it look?"

Esme gently took the ice pack away and frowned. "Red, with some swelling. That might be from the ice." She pressed a couple of fingers against my forehead, probing lightly, and I winced. "Tender?"

There was a quiet growl on the other end of the phone that I suspected wasn't Carlisle. Alice snickered again.

"Not much." I bit my lip. This was just what I needed before my wedding.

Esme smiled sympathetically, "It's getting redder without the ice on, but it's not too swollen."

"You should be just fine," Carlisle reassured. "Drink some water and take a couple of aspirins. Put the ice back on and try to leave it there for as long as you can – you might have to delay wedding beautifying for an hour, Alice. Don't sleep in case you have a concussion and call me if anything changes. I mean it, Bella, tell Esme if it starts hurting. It's no trouble."

I pouted, I had had multiple head injuries before. "Thank you, Carlisle, I will."

"Have fun, I'll see you later." I could hear the grin in his voice. "Oh and Bella, Edward would like you to please 'be more careful, and don't you dare get hurt again.'"

"Tell him to get over it, and that I love him." I smiled.

There was a quiet scuffle and then Edward's soft voice: "I love you too, sweetheart. See you at the alter – hopefully without a concussion. I'll be watching to see if you can walk in a straight line." He chuckled.

"You know I can never walk in a straight line." I teased.

"I think she's alright," He said, laughing to someone with him.

"Hey!" Emmett shouted in the distance. "Get off that phone, man! This is freedom!"

Carlisle laughed and presumably took the phone back. "Best wishes, Bella. Bye, girls."

Esme blew a kiss into the phone and ended the call. She was back from the kitchen with water and aspirin before I'd realized she was gone. "There you go, just relax for a little while."

Alice sat down beside me. "When you feel up to it, we'll get you showered and take you to your old house for hair and make-up, alright? That way the men can get ready here."

"Whatever you say, Ali." I said and took the aspirin, smiling.

...

I had killer butterflies to contend with in the limo, and I couldn't lean back because I didn't want to mess up my hair and Alice kept hitting my hands away from my face. _Okay, Bella_, I told myself. _You love him, this is nothing. Just walking to a table to say some vows. No problem. Just a path surrounded by hundreds of people. Awesome_.

"Bella," Rosalie said quietly and I looked over at her. "This isn't as scary as it seems. It's actually, probably, going to be the best thing you've ever done. He loves you more than anything – oxygen, blood, you name it, he loves you more. And you love him just as much, am I right?"

"Yes."

"Then everything is wonderful. Repeat after me: Everything is wonderful, everything will be perfect." She smiled.

Alice took my hand and chanted, smiling, "Everything _is_ wonderful, everything will be _perfect_."

I grinned. "Every is wonderful, everything will be perfect..."

"Woah!" Alice cheered. "Let's do this!"

"Edward better watch out, because Bella is coming to town!" Rosalie laughed.

"I am woman, hear me roar." I smiled at my soon-to-be sister-in-laws.

"Oh, I'm sure he will." Alice winked and laughed, a sound like bells and glass tinkling together.

**Edward's POV**

I paced across the front of the bed, stopping in front of the dresser. This was the day I'd been waiting for my entire life. I hadn't known that life would be so long, but marrying a beautiful girl I'd fallen in love with had always been the plan. The wooden jewellery box Jacob had given her still carried her scent where she must have touched it just before leaving.

I paced back to the bed and held the pillow to my nose. _Bella_. I wanted to be with her, forever.

Emmett wandered in lazily, "You're a lucky guy, most wives make dinner for their husbands, but yours is dinner." He laughed.

"Thanks, Em." I said sarcastically.

He ruffled my hair and grinned. "Seriously, congratulations. We gotta go."

"Running?"

"I was thinking more the Audi." Jasper drawled from the doorway. "Alice said you are not to be in a convertible or anything without a roof."

I laughed. "Alright."

"You ready?" Emmett asked.

"Only for about a hundred years now." I smiled, but I was nervous. This was it.

"Let's do this." Jasper called, racing towards the garage.

...

**Bella's POV**

I took a deep breath as I stood behind Alice, Rosalie in front of her. Carlisle was at my side and he squeezed my hand, linking it through his bent elbow.

"Thank you for this." I mumbled.

"Nonsense," He smiled, "Thank you for asking me. You are stunning, Bella. Enjoy this moment."

I nodded in thanks and took another deep breath.

"Smile, Isabella, this is the moment – the day – you have both been waiting for." He murmured, leaning over to speak into my ear.

"Yes, smile!" Alice grinned over her shoulder at me.

I glanced around at the staff car park, the sign for the Portland Japanese Garden hanging over the gate. This back entrance, Alice had promised, had a much shorter walk to where the ceremony was being held.

"I won't let you trip." Carlisle smiled.

"I know. Here we go." I grinned.

"This is it!" Rosalie called back as she opened the gate, leading the small procession.

"Finally!" I called to the sky, smiling. Alice started walking and then it was my turn.

_Finally_.

"Edward asked me to tell you something before we head over," Carlisle murmured. " 'Every second of forever.'"

"Thank you." I smiled to myself, biting my lip. The gardens around us were as beautiful as I had remembered, if not more so for the sunshine filtering in. It was almost twilight, and I could see candles lining the path, ready to be lit. Music drifted on the wind, and quiet chatter. It was magical.

Every second of forever wouldn't be long enough, but it was a start.

**A/N**: I think that – which was 6, 000 – ish words - deserves a review, right? :)


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N**: Sorry for the delay with this chapter. Thank you to my lovely beta, as always, especially for finding it so funny - you crazy thing. :)

Happy New Year, enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 26 –

**Bella's POV**

I sighed contentedly, enjoying the warm sunshine and the thick quilt under me, the gently; salty breeze and my dazzling Edward. Here, there was no rain, just the soft crashing of waves. Here, there were no vampires after us; no wolves or fights; and no waiting. Forever, the waiting, to the point of wanting to find the tallest building and scream at the universe.

His love was worth waiting for, though.

A chuckle behind me, like melting caramel dripping from a spoon – and into my heart. "Watch that hand, Mrs. Cullen."

I blinked up at him from where my head rested against his chest, my hand having found its way onto smooth skin and undoing the buttons of his shirt.

It was only fair; I was in an Alice-bought bikini, I thought mischievously.

"I could watch it, but I'd rather be looking at what's under it." I laughed, turning my head to press a kiss between his collarbones.

"What a monster I've created," He said teasingly, grinning.

"I'm addicted to you; that's for sure."

"Then I suppose I should give you another hit, sexy wife mine." His golden eyes sparkled, so beautiful...

I rolled over, groaning in agony, barely aware of what was causing it.

"Shh... I'm sorry..." His velvet voice said from a great distance away. My heart slowed.

Sunlight blinded me and I turned my face into Edward's chest, inhaling his essence. He was murmuring sweet things to me, running his hands over me possessively. Untying my bikini. I sighed at the rush of... something. Whatever it was, it felt amazing and brought an uplifting relief. I swam with the dolphins, my vampire by my side. In this world of light and happiness, my heart beat slow. Slower. I was flying. Was my heart still beating? I was too far away to care.

Too far... I was a spirit, floating over Greece and watching Edward and I dance.

Italy and Spain zooming past. All a fading day dream.

_Goodbye, heart_, I thought. Or maybe I said it aloud?

**Edward's POV**

Time was the worst thing. At least with mortals, they knew it would continue, that nothing could last for long. For me, time was long and unmarked, unsustainable. Except for now, when it was marked by her whimpers and whispers.

I tried to hold the pieces of myself together as she mumbled "Goodbye, heart". Her eyelids flickered microscopically, a dream playing out behind them. I hoped it was good, something distracting and hopeful. Unlike the image I had, of her pale form, her insides breaking and failing. Crumbling.

"Her circulatory system will reform soon." Carlisle said.

_Yes_, I thought, _But even you are afraid of this stage of the transformation, when everything is dying and hallucinations haunt her_.

Carlisle was pondering whether that was caused by the heavy drugs being fed into her system to dull the pain – hopefully – or by the change itself. _Perhaps a natural coping mechanism_.

Jasper walked into the room on a wave of soothing calm, "She's happy. Now, come hunt, brother."

"I can't leave her." I gripped her hand in both of mine, careful not to crush.

"You need to hunt," Carlisle reasoned.

"No. I need to be with Bella, until she wakes up."

"Fine," Jasper sighed, "Don't eat her."

...

Time passed; it had to have, because she was even whiter than before. She'd completely lost the golden tan that had emerged on our Europe adventure – travelling by night to several remote locations where my skin wouldn't be noticed and we could enjoy the sights. The butterscotch highlights in her hair remained, a healthy glow about the long tresses. My beautiful Bella... I tried to picture her brown eyes, but the image refused to transfer onto this cold goddess in front of me. I refused to think of the red I would soon see.

Instead, I rearranged the quilt around her and kissed her forehead – she smelt different, wrong; yet some part of my mind recognized it as entirely _right_– and again settled beside her with her hand in mine. For the long haul. For forever.

**Bella's POV**

I don't know if I was conscious of anything, but several things seemed to co-exist around me. Pain – piercing and aching, flooding my senses. It seemed like every possible sort of pain was hitting me all at once, every injury ever encountered brought to throbbing life. Then there was the sunset beach and my dazzling Edward. The flying. And in a corner of my mind, tiny and insignificant at this moment in time, were gentle hands dressing me and a smooth voice constantly reassuring me and informing me. Of what, I couldn't be sure.

_Mine, mine, mine_. My thoughts responded, but my body refused to work; to make this my reality.

Again the pinks and oranges above me, only disrupted by the man who crouched playfully over me. "You look like you could use a splash, little Bella."

I protested, laughing as he flung me over his shoulder. "No! Please, please!"

"Silly human, it's too late now." He said as he dropped me neatly into waist deep water, backwards. _Human_... The word circled in my dizzy mind, hauntingly. _Human, human_...

"It's time." Alice said tentatively and the pain was there again.

_Make it stop_, I tried to beg, but my throat hurt so much. _Make it stop_.

Silently I suffered, and it seemed to be with the darkest irony that I'd once been proud to suffer in silence. Now I wanted to scream and I no longer could. The pain was moving, it seemed, receding and flowing. The movement hurt almost as much as the pain itself. I was heavy and light at once. I was on fire and sunk in ice, so very _alive_ and yet, completely dead.

Behind my eyelids a fleeting image of Edward smiling widely down at me played out, as he pulled back from the most exquisitely wonderful kiss; bringing my left hand to his mouth to press his lips against my wedding band. It dissolved and I struggled to find it again, how desperately I ached to be in that moment. Now all I could feel was the pain, this terrible pain.

And I was being caged, held down, my chest restricted from behind.

I wasn't aware of opening my eyes or moving, but suddenly I wasn't caged and I wasn't on the soft mattress. I was _flying_ – only to find myself in a corner, surrounded.

Nothing was working right, my heart didn't speed up, there wasn't adrenalin pumping through my veins. Everything moved too fast, was too detailed and vivid. Colour wasn't colour and my eyes ached from the effort.

I cowered in my corner, sensing the danger of a room full of predators. Waited for a heart I didn't have to calm.

"Bella," The blurred outline that was at once too crystal clear to perceive and too beautiful to comprehend, began gently. The voice said that _Bella_ meant all-mine-hands-off. It said _come back_; _I'm sorry;_ and _I'll fix everything_. But all everyone else heard was: "Are you alright?"

"Too soon," A female murmured to a blonde man at the centre of the semi-circle. Familiar and strange at once, I wished for time to slow. "Shouldn't be lucid."

"She isn't." Another female commented dryly. Every sound boomed around inside my head. I was thinking everything at once.

"Bella." I repeated, angling myself to block the creature that approached. _Not human_, I decided.

My voice wasn't mine. My eyes darted around. He reached out a hand, the others gave him warning looks. "And...?" He encouraged.

I slid into a low crouch, leaning heavily against the wall in the same move. Tired? Lost? I was something. But what? I closed my eyes for a moment and when I opened them again he was right in front of me, flanked by two men.

A half-growl, half-whimper choked out of my throat.

"Love, please... please." He begged. "Stop and think. You're safe. Take a minute to adjust."

I frowned. _And Edward_, my mind whispered. _Surrounded_, the rest of me wailed. Pain...

"Isabella, can you tell me where you are?" The older blonde male asked calmly, stepping forward.

Edward, Edward, Edward... _Bella and Edward_. "Bella..." I tried to say through my constricted throat. Fear heightened my senses and I put my head in my hands.

"Yes, Bella, where are you?" He repeated.

I ignored him and looked at the living statue carved of marble and bronze and topaz. "Bella," I repeated in a raspy whisper. "And... Edward." My new mouth shaped the words without meaning, unlike how he said them.

He pouted, the corner of his mouth twitching, and I struggled to understand his response. Yes, he was Edward. Yes, he should be here. Kneeling down very slowly at my side and gathering me into his arms, he smiled. Finally. "And?" He gestured to the rest of the room.

"And..." I sighed, closing my eyes and reciting them by heart. Everything felt wrong. Even his arms, now not cold or so hard. "Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie. Edward."

"Open your eyes, Bella."

They'd relaxed somewhat, leaning against walls and sitting on the bed, kneeling near us. I took a deep breath and let my mind expand to take everything in. There was so much to take in, every detail brilliant.

Edward stroked my hair back, pressed his lips to my temple.

"Wow," I murmured.

He stared into my eyes, searched my face, tilted his head to the side as he looked me over. "Yes... _wow_."

"This is all very strange." I whispered to him, smiling.

"Yes, it is. Are you alright?" He whispered back, lips against my ear and I could feel a smile shaping them.

"I think so. Is everything always so... colourful? And loud?"

"You get used to it."

Carlisle stood and offered a hand to me, smiling. "Bella, I know this is all very shocking, but can you tell me how you feel?"

I let him help me up, though I didn't need it. "I need... my throat hurts. I don't know. Everything is different."

Carlisle nodded. "It'll be an adjustment. And your throat, that feeling, is hunger. Bloodlust."

"We should go hunt." Edward said.

The idea didn't sound very appealing – my beautiful, gentle husband had just suggested we should go kill small forest animals. Basically woodland creatures, so Snow White was definitely going to smite me. It hadn't sunk in, until this moment, that he used his teeth to tear animals' throats open so he could drink their blood. That I was supposed to do that also. A sense of dread made my breath catch.

"I'll teach you, don't worry." His eyes flickered to Jasper's for an instant.

I bit my lip and examined my hands, "That's alright; I'll um... find something else."

Emmett's laugh filled the room, louder now than when I'd been a human. "Little Bella."

"It's natural, love," Edward murmured. "You won't even notice. I'll show you."

"You go ahead." I muttered, understanding that he had to hunt – he always had.

"No," Alice in-put, skipping over to us and taking my hands, "She can't hunt yet. She hasn't seen herself."

"Alice," Edward sighed. "You already know what her reaction will be."

"But she doesn't." Alice replied stubbornly and led me into the bathroom attached to Edward's golden room.

**Edward's POV**

Bella walked reluctantly, pulled by Alice. I thought back to our honeymoon, Isle Esme, and how gorgeous she'd been. Sun-kissed and joyful, delighted in everything that the island had to offer – even if I couldn't offer what she wanted. At least not then; now, however...

"_You really need to stop that," Bella had smiled, opening her eyes to look over at me._

"_Doing what?" I'd asked, trying to stop the grin from spreading across my face. "Staring at my stunning wife?" _

_She ran her hands through her hair, curled her toes in the sand. "You don't even blink. It's ridiculous. I can't..." She shrugged and shook her head._

_She couldn't understand why I thought she was beautiful, why I wanted to watch her for eternity. "You're so incredibly blind, Bella. I love you, you dazzle me... you're the most radiant creature. And you're mine."_

_She glanced away for a second, "You're beautiful, I love you too. I think I might go make some lunch."_

_I smiled, "Silly, beautiful woman. I'll cook."_

_She rolled over, pressing her lips to mine slowly, licking along my bottom lip for a moment. "How about we both cook?"_

_I stopped breathing, nodded and scooped her up, walking her inside. _

This new Bella, so like the last Bella in so many ways, stopped in front of the mirror. Stared. I could feel it from Jasper, but I didn't need him to read her awe. Relief. Happiness. The look on her face as she glanced between our reflections said _finally_.

_I waited impatiently beside our make-shift alter – we'd discussed a church, but if there was a God, where could be closer to him than here? I took in the faces around me, excited and pleased. The thoughts all a blur of 'what will her dress look like?' and 'how long will this take? I hope the food is good.' _

_Softly, something no human could hope to hear, I heard Bella's reverent exaltation: 'Finally!'_

"_Yes," I agreed under my breath. "Finally." _

_Knowing she was on her way, so very close – and loving me, happy to be marrying me still – patience found me. I smiled serenely as I saw Rosalie in the distance. This would work out, I knew it._

"Well?" Alice asked gleefully.

"Wow. I mean..." She trailed off, put her hands to her cheeks, turned to the side. "It's me..."

"And it's not." Rosalie filled in.

Bella nodded, smiling. "_Yes_."

...

"But..." Bella stopped protesting. Now that I'd finally gotten her into the forest and convinced her to try, and she had asked every question she could think of to slow our progress, she froze. I had caught the same scent – alive, hot, blood. A mountain lion a mile away. Easy target for me, but for her...

"Bella!" I called, chasing after her.

She crouched along a tree branch, high above the ground, looking at the lion. It stalked along the lowest branch, and then it was on the ground and so was my wife. She rolled on top of it, its claws lashing out, slower than her, but still finding their mark along her side. Uncaring, she wrestled with it, finally snapping its neck to get to an artery.

Once she'd finished she bounded over to me, blood smeared around her mouth and dress torn. The light, flowing material floated around her form, clinging to it. Her eyes sparkled, a shining ruby colour that was unfamiliar.

"Oops," She smiled as she pulled the pieces of the bodice of the dress together. "I suppose you've seen worse."

"Yes, Emmett is very... messy." I said softly.

"No, I meant of me. On Isle Esme. The things Alice packed," She shook her head, laughing lightly.

"Oh, yes... Are you still thirsty? I can help you find something else."

She nodded, "Sorry, that was very... spontaneous."

Under her searching gaze, I was quiet, thoughtful. "Yes, you'll get better at it, but it takes a lot of wrecked clothes before that."

"You seem, I don't know, worried." She bit her lip.

"You can't imagine what it was like seeing you with that mountain lion. Its claws..." I winced.

She laughed, "I'm fine!" She spun around in a circle to prove it. I tried to ignore the way her damaged dress alternately clung to her form and blew away from it, revealing her ivory skin. "Let's hunt!"

**Bella's POV**

As the sun began to set, standing overlooking what seemed to be the universe, Edward and I sighed. I smiled at the coincidence, caught the frown he was giving the beautiful view.

"What's wrong?"

He gave me a sad smile, wrapped an arm around my waist. "I have everything now, Bella. Everything to live for. It seems impossible."

I laughed quietly. "Oh, Edward. You _can_ let yourself enjoy how wonderful everything is, it won't jinx it."

He nodded. "Don't you feel it? This is the end of... something. I've been so worried about you, about this, and now it's all worked out. I'm just so happy." He pulled me against his side and kissed my cheek. "It can't be true."

"Everything is perfect, deal with it." I grinned up at him, caught by his warm gaze.

"You are so beautiful, Bella. You're my best friend, now my wife... I am the happiest man to exist. The happiest person to exist."

"You don't know how happy I am...I am the happiest person, ever. I am... yours." I smiled.

He chuckled, "You are unbelievable, an impossibility. The way you've adjusted in a day to this life, is awe-inspiring."

"Thank you," I grinned, "I just like that I can do this now."

Then I threw him over my shoulder and ran back towards the house, dumping him in the river that ran just behind it. I jumped across and giggled and he swam towards me, drenched.

"Bella!" He called, "Come back here!"

I circled around him, jumping over the river in a great leap and laughing. He jumped up, somehow getting to the riverbank and tackling me.

"No! Please!" I begged as he tickled me, dripping water all over me, his hips pinning mine as he sat over me.

He laughed, smile larger than I'd ever seen it. "Promise you won't use your strength and speed against me ever again."

"I promise!" I laughed, "I promise!"

He leant down and kissed me, fast and hot, then reached for his buttons and started undoing his shirt.

"Edward! What are you doing?"

His answering chuckle was low. "You can't go inside like that. I may have seen worse, but my brothers have not. Nor will they ever."

I bit my lip as I looked down at the scraps that remained of my silk dress, the midnight blue revealing porcelain white. "About that... are you the one who dressed me?"

He blinked, surprised. "Maybe."

"It's just... I think I remember it."

"Ah," he murmured as he slipped his shirt off. "I thought you were still hallucinating then. The drugs seemed to cause these hallucinations - dreams, kind of, and I'd just given you an extra dose to cope with the final stages of the change."

I stared at his chest appreciatively, each muscle defined... what I'd been missing when I was human. I sighed. "Um, yeah... it was crazy. I was seeing our Europe holiday and then, other stuff. Not real stuff. But also some of the real world leaking in, I guess, because I remember you dressing me and talking."

He shrugged shyly, "I didn't want to leave you."

"Never."

He handed me the shirt, smiled and kissed me, all the passion he'd held back when I was human now in full force. "Never."


	27. Prologue

**A/N:**My gratitude, as always, goes to _foxyvictorianagurl - _known in some circles as Super Beta. She's had a significant role in making this fanfic everything it is, and keeping it going... Without her, this would never have gotten past chapter 4.

Thank you sincerely to all the readers and reviewers who've stayed with the story for these 27 installments! I hope you've enjoyed watching Edward and Bella evolve throughout and are satisfied with how things have turned out. I promise there will be outtakes to come, so stay tuned! Now, on with it...

_Prologue_ –

**Bella's POV**

I sighed as I ran my fingertips over the top of the wooden jewellery box Jacob had given me for my last – and final – birthday. It was carved with a wolf, howling up at the moon, or perhaps at the woman who stood beside it, looking like a warrior. Intricate and beautiful, Jacob had carved it himself, made every piece with his own hands. I hoped it would last forever, along with our friendship... but I wasn't so sure.

I hadn't seen him since the wedding.

Edward gave me a questioning look and I shook my head slightly, turning into his arms. Squeezing my hips through the sheer black baby doll sleep dress I had on, he smiled.

"Family are the roots with which we grow..." He said solemnly, inclining his head. "Jacob Black, unfortunately, is family. I understand."

"I'm scared..." I began quietly but couldn't find the words I sought.

"He's scared too, waiting to see if you're still _you_. If you still want him in your life. You must seek _him_ this time, sweetheart."

And truly, when was the man wrong? I sighed and nestled into his arms, enjoying the alluring and rich fragrance that was _Eau__ de Edward_. It didn't take long for my head to clear of anything but thoughts of him – the hands he was running up and down my back teasingly, the lips pressed against my temple.

"You are my heart now." I told him with a smile.

"And you, beautiful, are my everything – wife, best friend, lover, soul mate... mine."

The last word echoed a hollowed version in my mind, an elusive memory... _standing in front of our family and friends, his hands caressing the silken back of my dress and those same lips pressed to my cheek. "Mine," He'd whispered, "forever."_

I raised an eyebrow – a cool new vampire trick he'd taught me – at 'lover' and put my hands to his chest. "Is that so?"

He watched me with interest, eyes like molten gold.

"Well, Mr. Cullen, I'm going to need some evidence to support that." I undid the first three buttons of his shirt. "Can you substantiate your claims?"

"Should never have married a police chief's daughter..." He muttered teasingly. He growled softly and threw me onto the bed, leaning over me in an instant. "You already have multiple experiences to prove it, Mrs. Cullen."

I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck to steal a kiss and he nibbled on my bottom lip in response.

"But if you'd like," Another kiss, "I can show you again, lover mine." Another.

"Please."I breathed, trying to remember I didn't _need_ oxygen.

"Anything for you, Bella." He said, and then I didn't need to try to remember anything, I simply couldn't.

**Edward's POV**

Bella drove her ice blue convertible well above the speed limit, only slowing once we reached the populated Portland centre. The garage we headed to was on the outskirts of town, and cluttered with unidentified chunks of metal. Somewhere I'd expect to find Rose, not my wife. But here she stood, asking the college student at the counter to find something she'd written on a post-it note.

"Bella," I sighed into her hair, wrapping my arms around her waist. "Is it very difficult?"

She rested her head back against my chest and met my eyes, "It isn't without effort."

"I cannot comprehend it," I murmured quietly. "How someone so young can be such an active part of the world... Jasper's control is very good for one of our kind and he couldn't be around humans for decades after he became a vegetarian."

She grinned, "I guess I just have a really good role model."

"Oh, I think it's all you, my love. You have a gift."

"Nevertheless," She said, deflecting the compliment; "I'd rather spend all my time at home with you."

I smiled down at her, and had the sensation that this was _it_. "Finally," I sighed against her hair so softly my lips barely moved. "Finally."

The grad student returned with something grease stained and unfathomable, handing it to Bella for appraisal. She turned it this way and that before purchasing it; Jacob must have been teaching her something while I was away.

"So..." I asked as we returned to the car. I watched her patiently as she got in the driver's seat and bit the corner of her lip. After a long silence, I continued. "What is your plan?"

"Plan..." She said slowly, her lips tilting ironically. She shook her head. "No plan. Just faith."

_Amazing_, I thought; smiling. _She is amazing_. "You'll need a lot of that faith for eternity."

She laughed softly and slammed down on the pedal, grinning at me instead of the road. I couldn't help but worry, remembering her as the vulnerable human so easily taken from me... But she wasn't anymore, so different now. Yet, so much of my Bella remained.

"Careful, Bella." I smirked at her; so, so happy.

**Bella's POV**

I spent that night wrapped in Edward's arms, surrounded by him... this wonderful man who not only married me, but understood me.

Then I waited.

I sat on the hood of my convertible – with the roof up, as was practical in Forks – and crossed and uncrossed my knee-high, stiletto boot clad legs over and over. I picked fluff off my dark designer jeans. All of this occupied me for less than a millisecond; and anyway, my brain was always operating on several levels that allowed no freedom or distraction. I waited and waited and waited. It rained, spitting and pouring and then clearing.

Passers-by gave me sideways looks as they drove by. I considered moving but decided against it. This was the most likely place.

Night fell. At twilight, Edward slipped between the trees and gingerly sat beside me.

"Love," He greeted. "You need to go hunt. You're too young to abstain for long, I'm sorry."

I rolled my eyes at his sadness, how he could still regret subjecting me to this life – even just slightly – was beyond me. Luckily, he didn't see. "I know." I said reluctantly. I didn't move.

"I'll stay here and... keep watch." He added gently.

"Call if you see any...thing." I nodded and jumped off the hood and into the forest. I could smell wolf, but nothing alive. Not that 'wolf' was mouth-watering, more so revolting. Now Edward's scent on the breeze... I shook my head. I had to concentrate on the hunt.

When I returned, Edward was staring up at the sky with a profound sense of _something_ in his eyes. I wanted to ask what he was thinking but it didn't seem right.

He turned as I settled next to him. "Uh... I heard Seth's mind. He went the other way, though."

My eyes narrowed subtly. "What was he thinking?"

"He didn't want to come here. That was all I got. He was in wolf form."

"What? Why?" I asked in surprise.

He frowned, looking down. "I don't know."

He seemed genuinely upset and I felt bad for my reaction. I leaned against him, then decided to lay down in his lap.

"Sorry, Bella." He murmured. He stroked my hair over his leg and stared down at me. I felt very exposed and vulnerable with his intense gaze and wouldn't have allowed anyone else the privilege, but this was Edward.

"No, it's not your fault." I told him, intertwining our hands. The moon was high above and I knew it was unlikely I'd find Jacob today. Then again, if Seth was here... I sighed; hope was pointless at this stage.

"Edward... why did Rosalie never adopt?" I asked after a while.

He looked at me curiously but answered stoically. "Because it would be too hard on the child – being different, having to hide their family and always being in danger. Because humans grow and multiply and die."

I let what he said sink in and unravel in my complex brain, turning every aspect of it this way and that to understand it completely. "When wolves imprint... they have the same problem, don't they? They outlive their loved ones."

"Yes." He said quietly, past experience colouring his tone.

"What happens then? Jake was telling me that being imprinted is like having a new centre of gravity..." I bit my lip uneasily, dreading his answer.

"Nothing I would wish on anyone, Bella. I know what it would be to lose you, I can't think of anything after that point."

"And so Rosalie," I asked, moving backwards in our conversation. "Has stopped herself from wanting to adopt for all these years?"

"Well, she stills wants it," His lips tilted up as he stared thoughtfully away. "But she never will."

"She has Emmett, anyway." I joked half-heartedly.

He chuckled and tilted his head. "That she does."

"Alice thinks that things will work out well for Rosalie, though." I added.

"They already have, love. She's just yet to realize it. Soon she will." He smiled down at me.

Hours passed in this way, quiet conversation and comfortable silences. When birds started to _twirp_ just after four am, anxiety found its way into me. My head turned at the slightest noise, my eye twitched.

Edward pulled me closer and concluded his story about meeting Carlisle. He pressed kisses down the side of my face. Snuggling into him, I tried to block out the rest of the word and the incessant thinking. _What if he never comes? What if he doesn't want to see me? What if I see him and it's the last time ever?_

"Bella." Edward murmured, inhaling deeply between kisses. "Bella, Bella, Bella." He repeated like a chant.

"Edward..." I said slowly on an exhale.

"Love," He kissed along my neck, addictively. "I should..." He trailed his lips along the top of my shoulder. "Go." He retraced his journey to my hair. "Unless you want me to stay."

"Yes," I moaned, holding him close. "Stay."

"No, you wanted to do this... I'll ruin it. I'm sorry."

I sighed as he pulled back because he was right. Jacob would not like seeing Edward and I together so soon.

"Wait in your car, please."

"Why?"

"I'll just feel better if you do, at least until the sun is fully risen."

"Okay." I climbed into the car and he blew me a kiss, slipping back through the forest.

When the sun rose, I moved to lean against a large tree truck just into the forest, where I wouldn't be seen and the sun couldn't find me.

And I waited.

**Edward's POV**

I felt guilty for thinking it, but the three days Bella had spent on the treaty line had allowed everyone the chance to finish the contemporary cottage. Unlike the last few months, no one needed to distract her or worry about what she could see and hear. Surprises were hard for vampires. However, I was starting to worry about her.

I decided to text her. _Love, are you alright?_

She replied immediately. _This vamp thing makes it very easy to sit in trees all day. :)_

_Except for the hunting breaks, I hope? _I sighed.

_Yes, except for those. :P It's not like I could abstain for long, you needn't worry._

_Do you want me to visit? :)_

_Maybe... I'll come back tomorrow, I think. Then I'll see you. I love you. Thank you for worrying. x_

_No problem, gorgeous. I'll see you tomorrow – whether you're home or not. :P Love you - every moment of eternity._ I set the phone down, knowing how hard this must be for her and hating it.

_When will you join the game, Jacob Black?_ I mused. I knew he wasn't a coward, wouldn't hide forever. And as soon as he did, he'd be in trouble.

**Bella's POV**

I was weary, watching the sun set on another day. I'd had the missing piece for his latest project, a Harley with only-slightly-chipped metallic black paint, delivered days ago. So where was he?

Night dragged on, the moon rose, and I quickly changed sweaters into an emerald green, cashmere contraption that somehow managed to reveal everything it covered – and shimmer, silver thread intertwining through the green. It was beautiful and I was grateful to Alice for leaving it in the backseat of the car after three days without showering. It wasn't important, as a vampire, since I didn't sweat, or trip so much. But it would have been nice to get to shower.

I found myself lying on the hood, contemplating the stars, as creature scurried about the forest. Not for the first time, a member of the pack who was obviously patrolling took a long path to avoid getting too close to me. I sighed, recognizing it as one of the younger members who I would probably never get to know now that I was 'the enemy.'

I checked my phone and found that there were no texts from Edward. What could he be doing at 3 am? I contemplated going to him, indulging in him – our bed was now my favourite place to be. I had to give it until the sun next set... after it rose again. Maybe he was out of town. I closed my eyes, wishing my multi-dimensional, multi-tasking mind had an off-switch.

A motorcycle pulled up behind the convertible, and I reluctantly opened my eyes, hoping it wasn't Forks Police. Instead, it was a stealthy black clad-figure on a glossy black bike. Surely not. He couldn't have been in Forks this whole time. As he made his way over to me, a myriad of emotions struggled for dominance. How to approach this? Was I mad he'd not contacted me, now or in the past months? Or was I more worried that he wouldn't want me as his best friend any longer? In the end, a wary relief won and I pushed up to my elbows to watch him. Had he always been so slow?

"Jacob Black, I think you're on the wrong side of the tracks." I teased, biting my lip.

"I could say the same to you." He gestured to the invisible treaty line. He'd removed the helmet and unzipped his leather jacket, all hard lines and muscle. He didn't look very pliable, or for that matter, interested.

"Incidentally, how long have you been in Forks?" Right under my nose. Within my reach.

"Not long. I went to your house, but nobody was home."

"Oh." I frowned. "How did you get there?"

"I went north and circled back along the highway to Forks..." At my raised eyebrow, he explained further, "I had to pick something up for Billy."

He looked me over slowly and grinned, "Incidentally... how long have you been here?"

"Three days." I muttered darkly. "Didn't you know?"

He looked slightly guilty, and nervous. "I have a life, Bells. I found out you were here yesterday, I got your parcel today, but I didn't think you'd still be here."

"A life that keeps you out of contact with the pack? Because they know I'm here."

"I've been very busy, and the pack understands. There hasn't been a meeting in the last few days and my patrol is on Fridays."

"What's been keeping you so busy?" I really try to keep the anger out of my voice, but a sharp edge gives away my sense of betrayal.

He sighs and leans against the hood of the car. "A lot of things, Bella."

"What happened to calling all the time, you're whole 'I won't let you pull away' speech?"

"I'm sorry, Bella..."

I sit up and cross my arms. "You're the one pulling away," I accuse.

He shrugs apologetically.

"What is it; you can't be friends with a vampire? You think I've been killing people for the last four months? The reality too much to handle?"

"Bells," He says softly, pulling himself up to sit beside me. "I know you haven't been killing people, you're too good for that. I know its cliché, but it's me; not you. I've been so busy; I didn't want to bother you."

I shake my head, "_You're_ too good for that to be it. You don't ignore your friends when you get busy."

"Okay," He agrees softly, "I'm sorry. But this is the kind of busy where you kind of do... especially when your friend is an ex-human, ex-crush."

"But still best friend?" I raise an eyebrow at him.

He shrugs, and I want to slap him. No, I just want to slap myself for thinking it would be different. He glances at me and sighs at the look on my face. "I didn't mean it like that, Bells. You're still one of my best friends."

I give him a hard look. "Really?"

"Yes."

"Then why aren't you acting like it? Why aren't you talking to me?"

"I'm talking to you now." He says, running a hand through his hair roughly. "It's just... I've imprinted."

I am beyond shocked, and yet my stupid, complex mind doesn't slow down or still – unlike my mouth, which has frozen in a small 'O' shape. Who? What? When? How? Why didn't he tell me? Of course he didn't want to tell me... I'm the enemy. Besides, we've kissed, it would be weird. Did everyone else know? That must be why the pack is so _understanding_... I make a mental note to ask Edward how to stop this incessant thinking. "Ah," I find myself saying, "That makes sense."

He stares at me like I've lost it, and maybe I have.

"So," I prompt after a minute. "Tell me about her. How'd you meet?"

"I was ordering wedding invitations and she walks out from the back of the store," He smiles softly to himself, "I asked what her name was to the assistant helping me and she said Tamara. So when she asks for the names of the bride and groom, I say Tamara." He chuckles. "I was awestruck by her, I couldn't think."

"Wait, why were you ordering wedding invitations? You weren't already getting married?"

He chuckles and shakes his head. "Billy and Sue are getting married."

"Oh. So you shocked the poor girl into going out with you?" I smile.

"It was hard, trying not to show how intense the feeling was – and how serious I was about marrying her. But I laughed and asked her out, we went for drinks and then coffee the next day. I adore her. We've spent nearly every day together since. She's helped a lot with the wedding. Unfortunately, she's majorly Catholic, so not only will she not stay with me, she won't marry me until she knows we're serious. If only she knew how serious I am." He grins, "I guess this is karma for teasing you about not being able to get any, huh?"

"Probably," I laugh. "Though it was worth the wait, if that encourages you. With the person you're meant to be with," I sigh, "it's divine."

This time he laughs. "You should meet her; I think you'd get along well."

"What's she like?"

"She's gorgeous, of course. She's the kindest, sweetest girl but at the same time, she's so smart and serious. When she laughs..." He shakes his head in wonder. "She's got a big Italian family, and she cooks. She works at the print store while she's at university, studying event management. She wants to be a wedding planner. I told her she could plan mine. She's got this perfect olive skin and these killer hazel eyes."

I smile. "To happy endings, then?"

"Yes. I'm really sorry about not calling you, Bells. Forgive me and have dinner with us next week?" He bites his lip. "That is, if you're um, comfortable with that. Maybe we should do something not meal oriented. And not around humans."

I laugh. "Seriously, Jake, is your girlfriend not a human? I'm not going to kill her. But I don't like to pretend to eat, so maybe bowling would be better. With the boys?"

"How about Saturday? I have to work... I got a job, by the way. Well, another one. I'm working at the mechanics still, and now at a hardware store."

Again, I have to laugh, "Aren't you studying law?"

"I'm on break." He grins.

"Well, congratulations on all counts."

He smiles. "I want to hear all about your new life, and God forbid," he was interrupted by a yawn, "your honeymoon."

"Maybe I should let you sleep first. Come by the house anytime, I'm always there... except when I'm waiting here." I punch his arm lightly.

"Hey, I actually felt that. I'd hate to see what you can do, baby girl. I do have to be a work in four hours or so, but I'll drop by as soon as I can."

I slide off the car and walk around to him. "Don't be a stranger, Black."

"Says the new Mrs. Cullen. I'm intrigued to meet this married woman turned vamp." He teases.

"In the daylight." I promise and tentatively hug him. He pulls me into his arms and spins me around so my stilettos leave the ground.

"You look amazing." He says as he sets me down. "It shouldn't be possible, but you make a smoking hot vampire, baby girl."

I laugh, "You're one cool werewolf."

He grins, "Say hi to Edward for me. Later, Bells."

"Goodnight." I murmur as he climbs back on his bike and he waves, then accelerates and he's moving past me, down the road.

I call Edward, but instead of answering, he runs out of the forest and pulls me into a deep kiss. "You called? And you stink of wolf, so you've seen him?" He teases eventually.

I smile up at him, "Yes and yes, but I think after that kiss that I'd rather tell you at home."

"Whatever you'd like, Mrs. Cullen."

**Edward's POV**

I squeeze Bella's hand and pull her up of the piano bench and into my arms as the sun begins to rise.

"Hey!" She squeals in protest, "I said 'what's the name of the chord you just showed me', not 'throw me into your arms and drag me away'!"

I race through the forest to where the family is waiting, having just finished up decorating. We stop at the start of a stone path and I gaze at her surprised face as she stares at the candle lit cottage. It's a mixture of old and new, much like us, surrounded by the rising sun and the forest.

"Oh." She says as she turns to me. A smile slowly spreads across her face and I can't help but grin. "Wow."

Alice claps gleefully from near the front door and I know Bella will love the modern cottage we've built her, and the privacy it allows us. I have to agree that I will love it, and her, for eternity; my perfect woman and my perfect life... It's brought me the joy – and the peace – my soul has been searching for. Perhaps, at the end of this life, there will be a God.

"I love you, you know that, right? This is so incredible... I can't believe you did this!" She wraps her arms around me and kisses me. "What am I supposed to give you for our anniversary after this?"

"Hmm... You don't think you've given me enough – everything, really – in the four years we've known each other?" I smile.

"Four years..." She murmurs, "It seems like longer. How could I not have loved you, four years ago?" She grins up at me. "You're perfect."

"No," I nuzzle her nose softly, "but I love you perfectly. Happy first-meeting-anniversary, love."

"Ditto." She sighs contently and turns to our new home, our future.

_This is it_, I think, and find the sentiment echoed in Carlisle's mind. _And yet I have eternity left to live_. It couldn't be better.

The End.


	28. Outtakes

**A Lost Future Outtakes**

**A/N: Eternal gratitude to my beta for loving DrunkWard and almost laughing too much... Your clever additions and perspectives are invaluable! **

**Here's some fun scenes that almost were, enjoy!**

Chapter 21, Commando Edward

_"Bella..." I sighed. "If you really wanted to get smashed, you should have told me. It's not safe to go get drunk with people who can't look after you because they're drunk too."_

**Bella's POV**

"You know," Jess said, as I waited for Edward and her and Mike waited to be served, "You shouldn't think about it so much."

"I shouldn't think about what?"

She looked down, her chin resting on her hand and her voice uncharacteristically soft. "About him being gone, it's not healthy. You've got to move on."

"I can't just stop thinking about it." I replied, frustrated. Why did everyone think there was a better way to grieve, that it was so easy?

Mike shrugged. "I'd be drunk; I can't deal with that stuff straight away."

"Yeah! You've got to go out and live." Jess nodded.

"So basically, you think I should get drunk until I forget my father." I mutter.

"Until you forget _everything_, would be better." Mike laughed. "And I'm not suggesting it, I'm just saying that's what I would be doing. Am I a healthy example?"

Jess giggled, "Probably not."

"Anyway, I'm sure you'll be fine. You were pretty independent anyway, right?" Mike said.

I shrugged and blatantly changed the subject. "Have you seen Angela recently?"

"Actually... at the funeral." Jess frowned.

"Oh, of course. How is she?"

"She was really sorry about the chief... everyone was but you know Angela, she's so empathetic. She's pretty content and Eric makes her happy. It's so weird she was the first one to get married, I mean it's great, but she was so quiet I totally didn't expect it. She wasn't pregnant, too." Jess rambled and I tuned out, until suddenly I saw Edward's Volvo parking across the street and quickly said goodbye.

I jumped in before he could get out.

"Bella," He smiled sadly, "how's the truck?"

"I think it's dead." I winced slightly at my own word choice.

"And you?" He watched me, not missing anything.

"I'm still alive. Jess and Mike gave me a lift."

He nodded, turning the car back on and the heat up. "Good. It's cold out."

"It's Forks." I shrugged, watching him watching me.

"I missed you today." He murmured. "Did Alice look after you?"

I frowned, "Jasper came over instead."

"Did he look after you, then?" He smiled slightly. "Shopping-crazed psychic." He muttered.

"Yes..." I remembered what Jasper had said and was reluctant to follow through with our plan now that I was sitting with a concerned, resigned Edward. I was reluctant to think about any of the things vying for my attention, in my mind. "Can we please just... get drunk?"

Had it been anyone else – even any other vampire – they would have scoffed or laughed, look surprised, even. But Edward, Edward remained a frozen ice sculpture, his gemstone eyes watching me. "Why?"

"It sounds fun."

"Alright." He nodded once.

"Alright?" I asked incredulously.

"Well, we'll need alcohol. Unless you're still being sarcastic." His lips tilted but I couldn't classify it a grin.

"Let's get some," I urged.

…

Luckily Edward had learnt a lot about liquor over the years and could make a hardcore vodka shot bearable.

"Try and stay sober after that," He murmured as he poured something that looked like cola soda into my glass.

"What about you... vampires can get drunk?" I giggled at the word.

"Usually through..." He paused. "Blood. Tastes better that way. It would take a lot more for me to get drunk in your sense of the word, but it would take longer to wear off – we don't digest what we consume, as such. From what we know, which is next to nothing, when we drink blood it enters what would have been our blood stream when we were human. The blood cells don't multiply like they do in a living human and we eventually need more. Alcohol would operate in much the same way, I would think."

Sipping at his potent creation, I frowned. "So you should drink more."

He shrugged and began mixing something different.

...

"Music! We need. Music." I said. His eyes followed me as I clumsily stood, twirled to the CDs and ran my fingertips over them. I smiled over my shoulder at him. "Requests?"

"That one." He said and I paused my fingers, dragging out a case that boasted of the best jazz from the 20s, Chicago edition.

"Masochist." I grinned, sliding it in and turning up the volume. I crawled into his lap, half on the bed, and picked my drink up again. "What was Chicago like then?"

"Very proper when the sun was shining but when the lights went out, it was a party. Nothing too wild, considering what occurs today. Music and dancing and women doing what they oughtn't. No stockings, you know - a complete scandal. It was a vital organ for America and loved to be."

"Did you attend the party?" I asked, holding onto his shirt collar where it parted, unbuttoned.

"My memories are blurry but I don't think so – I was young, ambitious."

"You were Edward." I laughed.

He nodded. "I guess I was."

I imagined a younger, equally bossy; beautiful; brilliant, version of Edward and grinned at my Edward. Yes, he wouldn't have snuck out, he was too good. But then again, so was I. Yet here we both sat. I laughed.

"What?" He asked.

"We're drinking."

"I know," he smiled crookedly. "Why's that funny?"

"Too good." I mumbled, leaning my head against his shoulder as I laughed.

"_You_ are so good... you just shine, Bella, like I could ever be that bright or that... good."He leaned his lips against my forehead just as I moved to face him, somehow, we ended up kissing.

His hands went to my waist, under my blouse, and mine were unbuttoning his own shirt. When I finally came up for oxygen, my shirt was unbuttoned along with his and I ran my knuckles over his stomach."Edward," I breathed.

"I'm worried about you." He said abruptly.

"I'm drunk," I raised my hands in a 'what can you do' gesture and shrugged.

"I told everyone you were fine, but I'm so worried, you won't talk to me and I can see you struggling. I love you, you have to let me help you, you know?" He pouted. "You're mine."

"You just wish you could read my mind," I tapped his nose. "But isn't nobody who can do that, love." I sighed and leaned against his chest. "Times gotta pass for time to happen, yeah? It's like yesterday, okay, he's alive, today, not so much. Now I'm never goin' die and he's there!" I pointed up. "But I'm not going that way. Already found heaven and not leaving it."

"Bella," He said softly, "you should drink some more."

I smiled up at him, "okay, hit me up." Then I giggled at the absurdity of asking him that.

**Edward's POV**

Somehow shirtless, Bella lay in my lap, giggling into my crotch. The pink of her bra tormented my imagination.

"Beautiful..." I told her. I ran a finger over the strap, down along the edge.

"Naughty Edward," She snickered, "I _looove_ it."

"All the time, I'm in my head: 'don't touch her, don't be like that, don't kiss her, don't hurt her.' It's so annoying. I'm so annoying, God. That was blasphemy. Bad me. See how bad I am? I'm horrible. But you... you're so special. You're so important to me. I really... love you. Seriously love you. Do you love me? Don't answer that. Wait. Do. Tell me. I have to know what you're thinking! It's _so_ frustrating!"

"It's not even... like... I love. You!" She pointed up at me, grinning. "Edward. I love Edward. And shots – let's do some of that."

"Alright!"

Bella sunk three shots in a row, without looking nauseous... well, not very nauseous. I went straight to the bottle.

"That was disgusting." I commented.

"Shhh..." She said suddenly. "This is important. We need brownies. I need brownies. Someone get brownies. We could make brownies! Wait, you're too drunk." She laughed. "I'm too drunk. But I seriously need brownies... you will see a side of me you'll wish you hadn't if I don't get brownies."

"I can already see a lot of you." I laughed.

Her serious expression hardened. "Brownies are not a laughing matter."

"Okay. Brownies. Let's get some."

"I can't live without them," She cried, grabbing my shoulder to pull herself up. "Ooh, skin. I can't live without you. Body is like hot but so cold and I need." She leaned into my chest inhaling. "Something. What did I need?"

"Brownies. Let's make some. Come on."

"Yes!" She stood up, tripping to the doorway. I raced her down the stairs, using my superior speed.

"I win!" I yelled back at her. When she still didn't emerge, I ran back to her where she sat on a step.

"I'm just resting." She said, head on her knee.

"What about brownies?"

"Fantastic idea! Terrific!" She sat up. "I think I'm going to throw up!"

**Bella's POV**

I stared at the glass Edward had given me. "Why does vodka taste like water now?"

He cracked up, throwing his head back and laughing. I stared, transfixed.

"God, he's beautiful."

"Who?" He asked, serious.

"What?"

"I don't know. Are you okay?"

"I'm not even... you think I'm drunk? What... don't think that." I leaned against the tiled wall, sighing. "If you're gonna say stuff like that, at least get to my place. Here." I patted the spot beside me.

"I think... no, that hurts. Bed." Edward said, and I closed my eyes, content to sleep.

"Yeah, bed, good. Tired." I snuggled up.

When I opened my eyes, the bathroom bench was moving. Wait no, I was moving. "I'm being hi-jacked! Help... Edward..." I yelled.

He chuckled from somewhere close. "I love you! Marry me?! Please. I can't live without ... "

"Bella's gone!" I laughed, maniacally.

"No! Bella!" He called, dropping me on the bed.

"Oofh. I'm here!" I threw my arms out. "And now I'm not..." I fell back on the bed.

He fell down beside me, making the bed shift. "Love."

"Mmm..." I groaned, closing my eyes.

**Edward's POV**

"I'm in love with you, Bella. You have to understand, that's it. I love you. I don't want anyone else, or anything, take it all. I would give my life for you, only you, because I love you." I murmured to her as she softly snored.

"Marry me?" I asked some time later.

There seemed to be more than one Bella. I blinked. No, just one. Good. I closed my eyes and breathed in her scent, my head on her chest. "So lovely..."

Time passed and eventually she mumbled, "My head hurts."

"My everything hurts." I replied, drunk enough still not to care what day it was.

"At least we're in the bed. Could have been worse." She said.

"I like the bed." I told her, muffled by the pillow over my head.

"You okay?"

"Maybe sometime later, beautiful Bella... How's your head?"

"I need some aspirin." She sighed. "Do you want some?"

"Just wanna-stay-here."

"I'll be back." She stumbled to her feet and moved to the bathroom.

Ah, to be human and sleep it off.

...

Chapter 25 – Big Day, Boys

**Edward's POV**

"Race you to Germany!" Emmett yelled as the four of us Cullen men leapt over the river at the back of the house.

"He'll need to be here for the wedding tomorrow." Carlisle reminded jokingly.

I glanced back at the house, where my Bella slept, once more. Tomorrow, everything would come to fruition. How terrifyingly wonderful.

"Fine, Canada then!" Emmett called, detailing the finish point and the route while Jasper and I laughed. "Unless you want to detour by the Black's place and have a snack, man! That due touched your girl."

"Don't remind me," I chuckled.

Carlisle smiled over at me. "Let the race begin, then."

Emmett raced ahead and I looked up at the setting sun, taking a breath. "For Bella."

And then, I flew.

Triumphantly, I sat high in a tree and prepared my ambush. Jasper was nearly here, Carlisle close behind and Emmett; who'd been distracted by a hunt; was still in the US.

Jasper, too skilled to be taken by surprise, simply sprung into the tree across from mine and grinned when he arrived. He nodded and crouched, waiting. Carlisle broke through the undergrowth silently, but it was too late. Jasper and I landed, surrounding him, and threw him into the lake far below. Jasper, rebel that he is, decided on subterfuge and pushed me in after Carlisle.

I emerge, laughing, only to find Carlisle on my back in the next second. He pushed me under and then let me up. "Thanks for the bath, son."

"Same to you." I laughed, punching his shoulder.

I heard Emmett approaching and looked up to see him approaching the small hill above. Jasper had him in a headlock, tumbling through air, in the next second.

Emmett grinned as he spat water, and the game began.

We raced to catch the first hunt and later fought over the last elk, running to dry our clothes, running because it was exhilarating, running because movement was the only way to smother the excited electricity in my system.

Carlisle eventually called rank and we moved slowly, happily, back towards Seattle. The sun would rise soon and it was better to be in the right forest, with no roads to cross, when you sparkled in the light.

"You want some tips, bro?" Emmett asked; his thoughts tipping me off to the crude direction his mouth was headed. "Don't let her be on top the first time; she'll start thinking she's always on top – save that for the fifth time. The first time, you gotta build it up – "

"I know how to do it." I interrupted.

Jasper laughed. "But do you know how to...?" His mind supplied images, some I'd rather not be reminded of, of things he'd done to Alice. I shuddered, but I'd seen it before. And heard it. Ugh.

"Gentlemen," Carlisle scolded, "it's about the woman. She comes first. And last." He winked.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head at them, "I'm not doing any of that. Bella's safety is paramount."

"It's a shame about the venom," Emmett commented, "Imagine the rush of hot, living blood and sex at the same time... That would be euphoria."

"Mm." Jasper agreed.

I shook my head harder; to clear the images and sensations their minds were producing. "Stop thinking about Bella like that." I reached my arms out, hitting Emmett and Jasper at the same instant.

Emmett laughed. "Can't help it, man, she would be hot."

I chuckled, knowing that even as they imagined biting sensually, it was with their own soul mates. How would Alice and Rosalie feel about being bitten...? I laughed again.

"Rose wouldn't be pleased." I told Emmett. He frowned and lightly punched me back.

"Alice would do it." Jasper commented, looking smug.

"Ugh," Emmett said, "I don't want to think about that."

I glanced at Carlisle, his mind not as silent as he was being, and he raised his eyebrows and smirked.

"I don't want to think about _that_." I muttered.

Jasper and Emmett looked at Carlisle and then back at each other, laughing loudly.

"No way! Hot damn!" Emmett exclaimed and Carlisle pushed him away.

"Don't talk about your mother like that." He said but he was still grinning.

"Let us know if you want any advice, Edward." Jasper drawled. "Some of us obviously have experience..."

"No, Bella and I are not doing any of that any time soon."

"But you want to. Poor thing." Emmett teased.

"Her safety is more important."

He snickered. "Spoken like a true missionary."

"Oh, man!" Jasper laughed until he was clutching his stomach.

I poked my tongue out at Emmett, the mature response he deserved, and took to the trees.

Definitely _not_ imagining _anything_...

...

Beta Love

_Another lost future Edward could have had, had this story gone differently. Dedicated to my beta, the amazing girl who has made this story so wonderful and literate. A prelude to your wedding! ;) _

** Edward's POV**

Fleeing Forks had been near impossible, but aging happened. Well, to most. Being among the rare few who didn't age, relocation was essential. I loved the cloud cover, the small town, the familiarity of the woods. I loved my family home and all the privacy and space it offered, especially on a sunlit day. I now found myself on a 93% submerged continent, so at least there wouldn't be wolves. Werewolves, anyhow. It didn't feel as though we had moved on from Forks, but rather back in time. A historic festival had greeted us, along with a brick house that was as large as it was old. Esme was in love. Carlisle was a general practitioner. I was back to high school.

I wandered the aisles of DVDs, a dying commodity in Forks that was still thriving here. There was something beautiful about a place that valued the past, I pondered. Eyes had trailed me down the street - not because of my modern dress, when everyone else was reliving the Victorian era today, but because I was again fresh meat. I sighed. Emmett and Rosalie were christening their new room, Alice and Jasper were exploring the hunting prospects and I had the next week to myself - unless Esme enlisted me in her home design project. It was unlikely, given her strength and speed left her with no need for assistance.

When I looked up, I met the eyes of a blonde - refreshingly, after Jessica Stanley, she looked down when I caught her stare. Her mind hadn't already undressed me, which was also refreshing. Oh, no, there we go, the sideways glance that turns into long, dragging looks up and down my body. I frowned.

"Excuse me," She spoke and given her thoughts hadn't given me enough warning to move away, I looked up. There was nothing wrong with her, or with any of them, it was just better not to get involved with mortals when you were keeping immortal secrets. Cute smile, I noted, watching her. She seemed uncertain how to continue.

"Yes?" I asked.

Her grin widened. "Sorry to bother you, but..." She gestured to the row of DVDs in front of me, the BBC section.

I frowned. Then I realized, past the occupation her thoughts had with me, she was looking for Pride and Prejudice and I was in the way. "Oh. Of course, sorry." I stepped to the side so she could stand beside me in the short aisle.

She laughed; a genuine, friendly sound that alluded most females in the modern world. "Not a problem, welcome to town."

I raised my eyebrows at her - the town wasn't as small as Forks, where everyone recognized everyone.

"You're too young to be out of school and there's only one high school - you don't seem like you'd have slipped under the radar for the last five years. And you're not at the festival."

I nodded, "Thanks, I just moved here today, actually."

"Maree," She extended her hand with a warm smile.

It was impossible to avoid smiling back when her eyes were sparkling up at me and her mind was making it clear she was honestly the old-fashioned kind of friendly, without an ulterior motive. Though she had been contemplating whether she should give me her number, just in case I needed a tour, or _something._.. "I'm Edward." I shook her hand in my own gloved one, glad it was winter and covering every inch of skin was necessary.

"Nice to meet you." She met my eyes then reached across me for the DVD. Without thinking I slid Pride and Prejudice from the shelf and handed it to her.

She frowned, then. How did he know which one I wanted? She thought.

"Reasonable guess, it's the only thing that's not a crime drama on that shelf." I smiled.

"Thanks." She smiled back. I examined her jeans and jacket, decidedly not festival-wear.

"Why aren't you at the festival?" If only her thoughts would give me something other than Colin Firth and 'why are his eyes so gold?', I wouldn't have to ask. Humans were frustrating.

"I was," She smiled, "I still have the corset on underneath."

I chuckled, I hadn't heard a woman say that in a while. "Then why'd you leave - it goes until the fireworks, yes?"

"I'm in need of Mr Darcy and Robert Pattinson." She held up the other DVD she had in her hand, which starred a twenty-something actor I'd heard many girls swooning over in Forks. "Actually, you kind of look like him. Maybe it's just the hair."

"I wash mine, though." I teased.

She laughed, holding the DVD case to her. "Don't let Rob hear you say that."

Her mind pondered the actor's recent split from his girlfriend and I pondered why she was leaving the festival. It seemed as though everyone was insistent that if they were going to get up before dawn to curl hair and pin everything in its place and tighten laces, there were going to stay at the festival until well past bedtime. But she was leaving just after lunch. I waited for her mind to turn in that direction but instead it continued from Pattinson's relationship status to my own. She was single, not desperate, which I approved of.

"Have you seen it?" She asked.

"No," I replied, cluing that it was the DVD she was referring to.

"You should, it's supposed to be the new Romeo and Juliet."

"Perhaps."

"Well, I'll probably see you in school..." She took a step back, eyes lingering on my own.

"Could you... well, would you mind showing me the way? To the school?"

"Um..." She shrugged. "Sure. I live right round the corner from there."

I smiled. "Thank you."

She checked out the DVDs and we headed down the street the opposite way from which I'd come earlier.

"So where'd you move from?" She asked.

"Washington."

"Wow, far. That's quite a transition. You must be a little lost around here."

"It was a small town, so it wasn't very different from here. But yes, a little. My mother," I explained before she could ask, "doesn't feel lost here. She fell in love with the place and now we're all here."

"Don't tell anyone you're invading Americans." She joked.

I shook my head, chuckling. "I'll make a note of that."

"Let me know if you need any help settling in." She smiled. "Or finding your way."

"That would be easier..." I cringed internally, it had been so long, "If I had your number."

Her eyes widened as she glanced at me. "Okay."

I handed her my phone on the new contact form and she concentrated on filling it in, almost tripping on the pavement. I caught her elbow and held it while she typed so she wouldn't trip again. Her warmth seeped into the leather of my glove.

"There you go," She smiled.

"Thanks." I took the phone and released her.

"That would have been a long flight getting here."

"Yes, I'm just getting accustomed to being awake."

"I'm not sure that I am," She murmured. "I mean, I woke up at four." She gestured to the elaborate twist her hair was in. I knew, however, what she really meant.

"You're quite awake." I smirked.

"Well, this is the school." She extended her arms to encompass the fence.

"Not so hard to find now that you've shown me the way. Thank you." I smiled.

"You're most welcome. I should get home to my TV," She gestured down the street.

"Of course, have fun." I smiled.

"Can you find your way home?"

"Yes, I should be able to. Main road, DVD store, I got it."

"See you later then." She smiled and waved as she started backing away. "Do you have any plans for the rest of the afternoon?"

"Avoiding my brother and his _passionate_ girlfriend. I thought I'd explore." I knew all I had to say was yes, stop being so talkative, anything, but I didn't want to stop what was coming next.

"Do you maybe want to come and watch some movies?" She waved the DVD cases. "I have popcorn and everyone else is at the festival."

"Popcorn... hmm... How could I say no to that?"

"Exactly." She smiled. "And I can guarantee you won't run into your brother there."

"Let's go, then!" I enthused, laughing.

She gave me that adorable smile again and then we were off.

* * *

_The End of A Lost Future_

_Thank you for reading, reviewing, liking, alerting, laughing, crying and/ or sharing. _


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